But it seems Israeli customer support has become twice as useless too

The results of a new poll released by Tel Aviv University’s Netvision Institute for Internet Research show that High speed internet access has doubled in Israel in the last 2 years. Apparently 54% of Israeli homes are now connected to the Internet via high-speed ADSL or cable connections. However, it seems that the exploding demand has taken customer support departments at Israeli Internet Service Providers by surprise because support sucks hard. A recent study commissioned by Jewlicious demonstrates that trying to get help from a certain Cable Internet provider who shall remain nameless (HOT – not!) sucks harder than a $5 Tijuana whore (or so Michael tells me). And they wonder why so many Israelis are leaving the country! So much for the Zionist dream …

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About the author


Founder and Publisher of Jewlicious, David Abitbol lives in Jerusalem with his wife, newborn daughter and toddler son. Blogging as "ck" he's been blocked on twitter by the right and the left, so he's doing something right.


  • What’s that, Dave? I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you, you were muffled by Dov Charney’s jewel-encrusted anus.

    But on a more serious note, isn’t it sad that it’s only taken about sixty years for Israelis to turn from can-do, devoted pioneers perfectly happy with the most spartan of accomodations to people more obsessed with cash and the good life than Americans? Ah well.

  • Israel with GOD is a waste of time. Everyone should know this if they don’t already!

    Why SHOULD anyone stay in Israel if they’re not into GOD – for rude people, problems, etc.????

    Ah….but if you are there to be with the Al-Mighty, it’s heaven on earth – except for all the Israelis!

  • Wait! If ck loses his clients, then we won’t have shiksa chasing after his deadbeat couscous-eating behind on Jewlicious anymore! That’s like at least 37% of the fun on Jewlicious! Don’t do it, shiksa!

  • Well, hey, Mobius got you pretty good on that one. ck being burned by Mobius? My my how the mighty have fallen…

  • Oh puhleeze. He got nothing. In the meantime, who has the American Apparel banner on their Web site? The only jewel encrustation I see is pointed at mobius’s site, not ours. And I got mobius back in a very nice and classy way. Ask him about when you get to Israel. Oh but wait – he’s leaving Israel for 2 months on friday. Oh well. So do we do a homeless in jerusalem jewlicious post or what?

  • Why, will we NEED to do a homeless in Jerusalem post? Cuz you realize I gave up my chance at living in a dorm because I thought we would have an apartment, RIGHT?

  • Seriously, Michael, if you can live in a dorm, that might not be a bad thing for you to do. Sure, it’s less comfortable, but you also might meet many more people.

    Anyway, there’s always this site

  • Yeah, I kinda missed the boat on the dorm. Besides. I’ve lived in dorms for two years, and I’m sick of them. Yeah, you meet people. And then they start walking into your room unannounced and you have to share a bathroom with them and sleep five feet from them and listen to their crappy music.

    Sorry, I just don’t like other people that much. If I ain’t sleepin’ with them, I don’t want to share a bedroom or bathroom.

  • The dorms really isolate you a lot from Israelis. Having a place in town however makes you popular with friends looking to crash and really helps integrate you into Israel. Michael will not be homeless – we have options available for him. But I think posting a homeless in jerusalem post may tug on the heartstrings of some kind soul who has some digs available in JTown for a few months. So like… why not? We have a large readership – someone might be able to help, no?

  • Dudes, I lived with a real live Israeli for a month and stayed with plenty of other ones. I made more Israeli Israeli friends than Anglo Israeli. It’s not like they’re mysterious creatures I’ve only seen in encyclopedias.

    I wouldn’t worry too much about me hanging out with only Anglos, since that’s not really my scene. I WOULD worry, on the other hand, about me being homeless. Again. This time in another country.

  • Michael – sheesh. At no time will you ever be homeless in Jerusalem. You know that you already have place to crash thanks to Jewlicious. I just thought it might be cool to do a cool/funny post and hope that some generous American Jew with unused luxury Jerusalem real estate will uh… offer it’s use to us at a reasonable rate given all the free work we do for Jews. Stranger things have happenned you know. And laya and her friends are scouring jtown on our behalf as we speak. So chill silly!

  • What work for Jews? We’re self-righteous, condescending, alienating, self-aggrandizing, self-important jerks in our own insular world, remember? Nobody likes us except us.

  • Netvision customer service is excellent. Had them for dialup service, took them for my ADSL line. They’ve talked me patiently through several upgrade and troubleshooting procedures.

  • Michael could integrate well into Israeli society, but only if you’re an effective tour guide, ck. The last thing you want here is for Michael to end up with the Anglo crowd for the entire time. Anglos crash at these pads more than Israelis, n’est ce pas? That’s not integration nor is it a way for him to learn about Israelis.

    Anyway, it’s hard for Anglos in the best of times to meet Israelis unless they go to live among the Israelis on a moshav or kibbutz, and that has nothing to do with dorm vs. apt.

    Michael, as you and I both know ck, he won’t let you down.

    I don’t think.

  • It’s true. I’ve also had Netvision talk me through everything I needed to do, in English, 24-7. Nice guys!

  • don’t even get me started on Bezeq’s customer service, oh, the horror, the horror!

  • i had hot internet cable…

    one day it just died. a tech support agent came and determined i needed to have my building rewired. over the next three weeks, i would call to check on the status of this repair. tech support would schedule a technician to come, and when they’d come, they’d run the same tests the first technician did, then they’d say, “your building needs to be rewired.” i would say “no shit. you’re supposed to be here to rewire the building.” and they would say, “oh, i can’t do that.” this happened six times.

    finally i flipped out on them and was like “i’ve had enough of this shit” and told them to cancel my account. the phone support said, “let me send another technician.” i said “no, cancel my account.” i swear, i said “cancel my account. right now. no excuses. no if ands or buts. cancel it right this minute.” he said, “but…” and i said, “cancel my account,” twenty times in a row. “cancel my account. cancel my account. cancel my account…” he said, “let me send you another technician.” i said, “i’m calling my credit card company and having you listed as a fraud operation.” he said, “let me transfer you to another technician…”

    this went on like this for a month and a half.

    eventually after raising bloody fucking hell, i was put in touch with a manager who told me that my building was a protected landmark and that the municipality wouldn’t allow hot to rewire the building because it might compromise its historic facade.

    i said “cancel my account.” she said, “wait, we should have it straightened out with the municipality this week. i will call you back.”

    one week later, no call. two weeks later, still couldn’t get this woman back on the phone. i call and insist, “cancel my account.” i explain the whole story to the tech operator on the line, the whole run around i got, so on and so forth. finally, someone says, “holy shit that’s the most ridiculous thing i ever heard,” and they cancelled my account.



  • oh, i should note, the whole while i had to go to different cafes and friend’s places to use internet. a webmaster, hopping from one connection to another for two months. it was a TOTAL nightmare.

  • encino: thar be plenty of good jokes on jewlicious too. fer instance, michael’s ability ta physically satisfy a woman.

  • i hear the sound of another war coming..please don’t ruin this post fool.

    i know nothing of michael ability to satisfy a woman. but he’s a food artist, and if you’re good in the kitchen, and your name is michael, you probably won’t hear a lot of complaints from the ladies. end of discussion…

    and to reiterate: who are you? and although this is jsirp’s usual tagline, I’m compelled to say it: i got yer back jewlicious

  • Hmmm…I must have missed that joke.

    Anyway, what’s the point of debating one’s sexual prowess with some online person you’ve never met? That’s got about as much point as debating the relative merit of streams of Judaism. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  • I dont know who in the Jewlicious customer service I should complain to but the wifi in Maalot Dafna is terrible. Please come and fix it asap.

  • if azza and aziel brought back tues happy/theres a word i have heard called you/most jewish fuckers being jerusalem/rush oh my shana/three books open one ‘these are the generations of the heavens and of the earth on thatday'[gen 2 verse 1]a new begining from ‘in the beginning'[gen i verse i]the book that opens on rosh hashana is’this is the book of the generations of man'[gen 5 verse 1]we are men giving up falling in love/far away israel i have heard this word being said cried at the pain jewishpain in my brain

  • save the children from commenting on my own commentry from having have tohold the sacred lie

  • now you may ask ‘what is the sacred lie’ youreself askingforaaaaaaaaaaaaafucksoooooooooolonsome heretelling bout the sacred lie

  • when something is so wrong as the torah so terible so not fair aqnd in ignoring that you come tolie to protect what is strangling inside you have lied the sacred you have lied you hve lied the sacred lie

  • when i read the torah perfectly not careing what it says because its just too horrible toocant has to besaying its so much deeper has to be then thats the sacred lie having to pretend that were not living in a nazi paradise now dont hate me love you knowing everythings wrong with jewsdism but never admit it to your self one second /its kind of like the matrix the sacred lie

  • when now be with me quick here to belive in a perfect judisssm that doesent exist abeautiful judism which i can see the sacred lie no holocaust they dont believe nazi are killing me

  • when the lie hippy judaism thousand kids with knitted colorful kippas mabe some payesses go away maybe you not real at all just cause you saw someone else do it live that way sin but absolved of sin by believing that you had no choose in this sin say it againby joesph mordichai of izbitch as long as im frum god will save me from hell if i dont believe dont matter just to be haradi ibelieve in it jusis cheeses talmdai hachaminnnnnnnnnn heluck deraBBnan even if i had some bad luck the jewish people / mock me as if say nothing drug christrains wearing white shirts / if youwere to hear genoside wispering softly fromthe soft cloth of safer torah god telling to killamalek no matter seven nations of cannan ‘you shalnot suffer any alive’

  • It’s kind of like if Jack Kerouac took every drug in Hunter S. Thompson’s car, wrote something weird about Judaism, put it into Babelfish and translated it into Portuguese, then German, then Spanish, than finally back to English.

    Or it’s just some lame Israeli kid practicing his English.

  • you dont mean chabbi as sweety but as asshole if you want to understand so be it if not theres a pompous fake fighting to keep satusquo out there

  • CK – just to clarify what I think I’ve been reading, you’re moving to Israel too?

  • jews… what can I say? they tend to suck, and know it too =]

    am i being politically incorrect. fuck pc. i call it the way i see it. i don’t like jews because 9 out of 10 experiences with them have ended on a sour note. jews and non jews just don’t mix. anyways.

    Israeli jews are the worst. don’t try to do business with them, or give them your business. it ain’t worth the pain of having to deal with their sorry cheap assess. don’t rent from a jew either. you will regret it, guaranteed. i tried like three times myself. or was it four? see how patient i am? =]

  • All of you Jewish fuckers should get back in the oven and have an Arab turn it up to 11. You fucking evil scum bastards.

  • All of you Jewish fuckers should get back in the oven and have an Arab turn it up to 11. You fucking evil scum bastards. You are the scum if the earth. Why do you exist? You fuckets arr hated bu The world and you mรƒยขle me siclk. Die Jew fuckers and goto hell.