It was a balmy night, and the night air was thick and barely breathable, like a polluted milkshake. But dipping into wellsprings of courage and driven by a desire to reconnect with visiting dignitaries, braving obscene humidity; extreme exhaustion; light, semi-baptismal rain; and poor directions, they came from the four corners of the world: Jerusalem, Montreal, the Upper West Side, and New Brunswick. Their destination: a lounge on the Lower East Side of Manhattan, for the Spontaneous 2005 Jewlicious Leadership Summit. The Occasionally Fantastic Four had last convened under the aegis of a good doctor last November, and the reunion was, as reunions often are, both long overdue and a huge tease.
In an effort to throw off blog counterspies, the four arrived separately, provoking no suspicions from the LES hipsterati. The first two to arrive uttered the code words to the server: “We’d like an order of asparagus,” which officially kicked off the gathering. Stragglers were ribbed about their tardiness by those who had already arrived, and shared tales of being lost above and beneath ground.
After noting the notable absences of themiddle and michael, the meeting commenced with the ceremonial ordering of cocktails, with only minimal concern from one of the men as to the wussiness quotient of ordering pink drinks, and with the ladies following their hearts to the minty freshness of mojitos. The Four spoke in hushed tones of gimpy camels and the reproductive abilities of mermaids, and of past excursions to that thing at Hillel with the art exhibit. Bulls tried to mate with monkeys, and then monkeys with mermaids. And there was whiskey. And then beer. And vodka. And narcoleptic computer geeks of Moroccan extraction. And at the end, like some recurring nightmare or running gag, instead of creme brulee, more asparagus.
And at the end of it all, right before we were scattered to the winds –once again reliant on our wits and subway maps to ferry us home–I was appointed the scribe, the Anthony Michael Hall to our Jewlicious non-Breakfast Club, who would record it all in obscure, pointless, yet painstaking, detail, right down to the irony of our clandestine meeting having transpired mere feet from an American Apparel store.
Layperson’s summary: CK, Muffti, Laya and Esther met for drinks all the way downtown. The drinks came decorated with little plastic animals. Then CK and Laya flew back to Cali. Oh yeah, and there was abundant asparagus. Blurry photo to come when CK uploads itabove thanks to Muffti.
The community thing is hard. There are so many subtle levels of personal culture. Put up with who you can put up with, and stay clear of the others. But I would never speak ill of another Jew.
Most of the time, the only person listening to what we say is us. So, if we complain, we are teaching our only pupil, us, that we are weak. That’s not great.
The community is one’s own house. Sounds like yours is populated. How lucky.
All we can do is our best, I figure.
We are not yet in time of Moshiach; so there is always going to be something wrong. Oh well. We cannot expect Eden now.
U did good JM, very wise. But are you a part of a community? This is where I have problems w. the whole thing. The Rabbi who is always preaching, nothing is ever good enough (when I used to come to a shiur 3 times a week, then they want 4x), the services which become boring.
Learning has remained an oasis for me. Even if I only learn from
Artscroll, some blogs, at this point, I do enjoy it, and do feel a spiritual experience. I am just not comfortable anymore w/ the balai batim mileu at least the way it is in the USA. I only remain as I do, for my children.Things are different when one is 19, or 20. It’s a different world from 41.
As you would have people talk to your children, talk to other people’s children.
I was a middle-aged BT.
I have been there and done that.
This is the first I have heard that I need assertiveness lessons, ha ha.
I was impugning doubt, and advocating faith. I CHOSE it, don’t forget. Nobody made me. It has worked out because I did not go overboard; I just became kosher-eating and Sabbath observant, and I pray in the morning, briefly, and I say a prayer before I eat something. None of this has been the end of the world.
BUT I was old. The young go a lot further with everything.
D’Angelo is VERY hot!
Sorry, Chutzpah, the closest I’ve come to listening to Tom Jones is appreciating his televised duet with D’Angelo on James Brown’s “Get Up (I Feel Like Being a Sex Machine).”
Speaking of which, mmm, D’Angelo.
Micheal, I love it when you talk retro…can you do “It’s Not Unusual” next?
Or, to paraphrase my friends in Funkadelic: Free yo mind, and yo kitten heels will follow!
That’s right, JM! Raise yo fist, my beautiful Jewish sister! Do not let some white-ass honky rav in his 18th century Polish nobleman’s clothes tell you how to get down! You groove to yo own tune! Boogie to yo own jive! Bring down the Man! Fight the Power!
Stop doubting yourself and listening to, as they used to say in the 70’s “the Man”. Time to stand-up and say “I don’t always have to be the Stepford wife, and this sheitel is making me thirsty!”
But, but, I was pondering the nature of doubt.
Rabbi Yeshua Krohn,1-800-BabyBoy.At $700 a snip, I doubt if he’s fielding questions on “every other little thing”, but my son had no pain and healed nicely. Very sweet & pious man.
But…I think you should give yourself a little more credit. You know how to slip on those kitty heels without asking a Rav first, don’t you? (Yes, right foot first, of course.)
Actually I was mumbling about the nature of doubt.
cute. They are trying to explain the anti-semitism since that time has its source w/ Amamlek I suppose. What is this JM, you are copying and pasting your personal correspondances, lol. Good Shabbis, 🙂
Re Doubt:
“There is doubt that is based on rational query. There is doubt that rises from the doubter’s subjective motives and desires. But then there is doubt pure and simple: irrational doubt, doubt more powerful than reason. Doubt that neutralizes the most convincing arguments and the most inspiring experiences with nothing more than a cynical shrug.
Such was the doubt that left the Jewish people susceptible to attack from Amalek. “Amalek,” in the spiritual sphere, is the essence of baseless, irrational indifference;
in the words of the Midrash:
What is the incident (of Amalek) comparable to? To a boiling tub of water which no creature was able to enter. Along came one evil-doer and jumped into it. Although he was burned, he cooled it for the others. So, too, when Israel came out of Egypt, and G-d rent the sea before them and drowned the Egyptians within it, the fear of them fell upon all the nations. But when Amalek came and challenged them, although he received his due from them, he cooled* the awe of them for the nations of the world (Midrash Tanchuma, Ki Teitzei 9).”
I found that at Chabad. Good Shabbos.
PS If I knew a rabbi as insightful as the one at that bris, I would be asking him how to tie my shoes and every other little thing. You are lucky.
Re Doubt:
There is doubt that is based on rational query. There is doubt that rises from the doubter’s subjective motives and desires. But then there is doubt pure and simple: irrational doubt, doubt more powerful than reason. Doubt that neutralizes the most convincing arguments and the most inspiring experiences with nothing more than a cynical shrug.
Such was the doubt that left the Jewish people susceptible to attack from Amalek. “Amalek,” in the spiritual sphere, is the essence of baseless, irrational indifference; in the words of the Midrash:
What is the incident (of Amalek) comparable to? To a boiling tub of water which no creature was able to enter. Along came one evil-doer and jumped into it. Although he was burned, he cooled it for the others. So, too, when Israel came out of Egypt, and G-d rent the sea before them and drowned the Egyptians within it, the fear of them fell upon all the nations. But when Amalek came and challenged them, although he received his due from them, he cooled* the awe of them for the nations of the world (Midrash Tanchuma, Ki Teitzei 9).
So there. Good Shabbos.
Michael, if they don’t want people to comment on their looks, ever, then they should not have their pics published. I once took a course in public speaking. It was not Dale Carneighie, but a little harsher, but just as effective. At one point, the teacher said, that’s your ass they’re staring at’.
Maybe in a perfect world you are right. But for kidding around I raised a topic, which is a topic that has been discussed on here many times. That is how I made the connection. That is what I found funny. Not the funniest story ever told, but cute. So why do you insist on making such a big deal out of a joke? Does every joke have to be on the highest level of comedic humor? I took a shot, no one hit on it, so we move on. Of the 2 girls, one was silent, one made a comment to stop that sounded like she was laughing anyhow. And the whole thing is past now, why must you continue to harp on a failed joke? I never said I was David Letterman.
Chutzpah is making me laugh out again, bravo. ROFLMFAO!!! http://www.chutzpahfantasies.com
o.k. I’m out of control…I’ll go check my meds now.
P.S. Glad to make it hard for you ck!
Gang…that was the fake name…email me for the real one.
Would somebody please remove the last name our dear Chutzpah posted above.
*Sigh* Some days being a strong advocate of free speech is a hard, hard thing.
Sorry to be a spoilsport & all, but this thread is a good example of why the “delete” command was invented.
Wow. Well, uh, I’m glad that’s out there, I guess.
Yes, the truth is out…I want to give Jobber the ride of his life, I want to suck on him and make him cum until I drain ever last drop from him…then I want to shout out his name at the top of my lungs… “ROBERT XXXXXXX” “Oh ROBERT! I love how you manage that Canadian bus company. Let’s fuck in the back of the bus” …should I continue or can we get back to some serious debates over whether the Rabbis are correct in allowing pierced ears for women, because you know, women can’t make these decisions for themselves.
Jobber, it’s irritating to me because it’s irritating to those “2 girls in the pic,” who don’t want or need random people talking about their levels of tzniut or their long legs and all the other stuff you said. There’s a certain level of decency that prevents most people from saying things like that. And don’t try to pass it off as humor, because even if that was your original intention, which seems doubtful, you were the only one laughing.
You need to be accepting of the fact that not everybody likes to be judged on their appearance and their clothing by mysterious men on the Internet who refuse to understand why such appraisals are inappropriate and yes, creepy. And publicly embarrassing.
If you’re only looking for laughs, you should really look harder, because you’re not getting any.
Actually Jewish Mother, the mohel at my son’s bris (to bring the topic back to one of my favorite subjects)said that the act of circumsion is G-d’s acknowledgement that man is not a complete “signed designer creation”, but rather that man must participate in the act of perfecting & creating himself. Thus the statement “Let US make man” shows the partnership between the designer and the creation.
What do YOU really THINK of pierced ears? Is your opinion only valid if a Rabbi concurs with it or are you, as an individual, capable of making moral decisions for YOURSELF?
As for the mascot, she is way too slow.
It’s a cute pic, but the trend is to put up more frequent changes. Like the change Yahoo made recently for example. It is a sign of the next trend in interactive.
Michael, when you agree to have your pic posted in the net, it is by default going to attract all sorts of input. You are very closed minded is your problem. You need to grow to be more accepting of other people’s ideas, w/out resorting to your assinine slapsick comedic routine. For 2 reasons, one you are deprived of mind expansion, and 2 u are publicly embarassing someone, which is discussed much in Jewish scholarly books as a non attractive attibute. It is interesting that you and chutpah have hit on the very same dynamic, altho I believe there are more pedestrian reasons, certainly on the female side. You know the Phishing mentality.
You should be most aware that my entire posting basis here and anywhere for the matter, is humor based, I am only looking for some laughs, and am appalled at the level of seriousness that some people take my sense of humor w/. As for Hutzpah I have lost understanding of her #28 questions that are scattered all over this thread. I think she wants to know if I have AIDS or a disease. Not that this is a laughing matter but I assume she has some reason but I can’t figure it out. It is non-sensical. I am not interested in this side of chutpah, I am only interested in the friendly, funny side of chutzpah.
i wish you two would lighten up. Why can’t I post about the 2 girls in the pic, Michael. What is so irritating to you?
Although The Middle sees no purpose or beauty in body piercings, especially ones on the face, he has some difficulty with the complaints about the lovely woman on the right who graces this website daily. She’s attractive; the shirt is great; the angelic light behind her reminds us of the messengers Yahweh sent to Abraham; her pose reminds us that GOD resides somewhere above the monitor; and her rolled eyes remind us of our respect for s/he who is/isn’t made of atoms who resides with/outside of us.
I vote for keeping her.
Although the site has been running a little slow in the last week.
Well, I have pierced ears and, since I’m cheap, usually wind up bumming studs or earrings I like off my female friends. Does this mean I’m going to hell? Damn. Curse you, beged isha!
Yeah, Muffti just remember a verse. He wasn’t sure of its significance, JM. As for beged isha, that seems right: we can make male earrings and then we could wear them. Just like Scotsmen can wear
dresseskilts!The reason I’ve always heard for the wearing of earrings on men being frowned upon (it is not officially forbidden) is beged isha. Never heard anything about the golden calf. However, if earrings were designed specifically for men, I would think that would get around the beged isha issue.
No offense taken. But I NEVER heard of the profession-specific earrings, and as the learned GM pointed out, no more bling on men after the golden calf debacle.
As for G-d’s reasons for the hurricane, either don’t go there, or only go there with a very experienced, trusted rabbi.
Pierced ears are ok for women, I think. I am not a rabbi.
In general we do not do permanent body art. To us, the body is already a signed designer creation, by the big designer in the sky.
Fashions change. As the decades lumber by, people sometimes wish they could get rid of the cuteness of yesteryear which dates them. If it’s permanent, don’t, say I. Hair, by contrast, grows out. A bottle green forelock might be nice.
Or not.
Maybe we are fine the way we are?
I’m sorry if I offended you, JM, as that was not my intention. I just tend to fly off a little when people claim to know God’s intentions, especially with all those self-righteous people lately saying God destroyed New Orleans in retribution for Gaza.
As far as piercings, though, I’m pretty sure the Talmud mentions Jewish men wearing earrings that identified their particular trade or guild.
Anyway, the girl in the picture just has a growth on her face the poor thing. It’s not that bad, if she would just unclasp her hands, or convert. One or the other. There is nothing wrong with clasping one’s hands in prayer. It’s just not done in Judaism. Christmas angels are cute for Christians. To each his own.
Mystery question…who wrote post #28? Will the fake Jobber please stand-up?
Yeah, right. Golden calf. The men used their yucky gold jewelry to melt down and make the stupid calf. SO they never ever wear jewelry any more, in humility at that memory. The women did NOT give their jewelry to make the stupid calf, SO THEY get to wear lots of bling.
No. GM, help out.
I am referring to where it says in Tanach that if a slave loves his master so much he doesn’t want to be freed in the jubilee year, then he has to have his ear lobe nailed (pierced) to the doorpost. So that makes piercing seen as a badge of slavery, and also the craven attitude of a slave who does not mind being a slave.
We don’t do body art because the pagans did.
There a lot of yeshiva trained people here.
Muffti thought that its kind of complicated. Don’t they collect ear rings from the Israelite men when they make the golden calf? Something in Genesis about taking out a nose ring? Experts?
Good luck in your studies in Israel.
Jewish Mother, you have no idea what God’s personal feelings on lip piercings are, and neither does anybody else. As far as a piercing’s status as a badge of slavery, stupidity, and lack of hygiene, do you have pierced ears? Are you a slave, stupid or dying of cancer?
You mention G-d. He doesn’t like that kind of thing. Badge of slavery, if not stupidity, and lack of hygiene. But, you have to ask GM, who knows from this kind of learning. Chapter and verse. Stuff like that.
Hear no yucky, speak no yucky (or at least try), see no yucky. Don’t wanna. Don’t hafta.
eeeeeeeyeewwwww
Muffti has been outside. You guys should try it. Women have peircings these days in the whackiest of places. JM, Muffti promises not be photographed with a small cancer on his lip. Eye rolling and hand clasping, however, are a different story!
God, have any of you people ever seen a lip ring before? Do you go outside?
GM is ok if not photographed with his hands clasped, his eyes rolling and a small cancer on his lip.
Incidentally, Jobber, since you mentioned civility, civility also includes not making public assessments of the “tznius level” of women who didn’t ask for your opinion.
Hmmm, we’ve never banned anyone before.
Is there a reason that explains why the two of you cannot stick to your promises and ignore each other?
David, can you please call home? If you don’t, I’ll just assume you’re not coming back and start selling your stuff on ebay.
But what will you have as a chaser? It’s hard to call something a ‘lie’ if it is true.
that liar did not know this info when she stated that I go to hookers. Really this pathological liar is becoming more and more disgusting. Does anyone smell a multi person thing here.
You call that spot what you want, I wouldn’t go there. I don’t know what’s going on on her lower lip.
CHutzpah you should use this place to practice civility, not lies. What do you think you are going to accomplish? They will ban me, is that what your lies are trying to accomplish?
Why would they ban me, when I never initiated a vile attack on anyone, only when I was attacked first, I can document this.
Chutzpah for your own sake, leave me along, or at least stop the lies, you are giving us all a major headache. Wine, I need my half glass of read French wine.
Yeesh, never mind. Muffti will go voluntarily. He knows where he’s not welcome.
On what basis? Did anybody write post #28? “I did go to hookers yes when I was single. Once in Amsterdam red light district, once in NYC.”
Did you test for everything before the Chuppah?
Diseases like veneral warts, herpes & HIV can lay latent for years creep.
shmendrick – it’s a lip piercing not a hickey!
That “hickey” is what most people would refer to as a “lip ring.”
Yep…it’s time to follow JM’s advice. Let’s get rid of the Jewlicious Sidebar Girl and, while we’re at it, Grandmuffti. Gotta take out the atheist trash.
Yeah I was also thinking that girl is played out there, and she has some kind of a hickey on her lip, it is rather disgusting.
Jewish Mother, what exactly has gone wrong? Besides Jobber and Chutzpah taking pot shots at one another?
JOBBER, GM can assure you that the reason alcohol is on your breath is because it gets oxidized. But a large part is that your mouth dries out. See: here for some more information. Drinking water will dilute the alcohol and help stave off some of the effects. However, as Muffti says, you also require strong smelling gum.
As for prostitute fantasies, when woman have them, they are kinda hot. So let’s hope so.
NOTHING has gone right since that impious picture of the fatuous girl pseudo-praying with her hands clasped. Jews don’t clasp their hands in prayer. They don’t roll their eyes upward too much either. The picture mocks our religion. Having religious questions is fine, but this picture is just atheist.
It’s also been up there a long, long while.
LMFAO!!! Water, I need water… Classic, Vintage Hutzpah. This is the Chutpah that we all love and admire. All right, I’ll have a scotch, no ice. Single malt. GM, that doesn’t cover up the smell. You are diluting it but not good enough.
But on what basis is hutzpah claiming that I go to Prostitutes? When will she stop spreading lies, vile vicious lies about me. Does she perhaps have a Prostitute fantasy of her own?
Yes, I agree this is scary, but and I would love to ignore it , but first I like to give him a round of applause for having sex with his wife this morning and pray that he didn’t give her any diseases from the hookers. Let’s all open one of those little airline bottles of booze he loves in a big Toast to Jobber.
I do ignore hutzpah unless she has called me an asshole and such (see #27).
GM, good point, I was only trying to show how absurd it is to even think of drinking at work as was being told about me. I subsequently stated my normal drinking patterns, which as you can see are quite lame by any standard. A party animal I am not. But I do enjoy some wine and an occasional Rum, when I am in the Carribbean.
Jobber,
To cover up the alcohol smell, drink lots of water and chew gum. However, Muffti can’t help but be amused that fear of clients smelling your breath is the main thing that holds you back from drinking at work. Oh well. As for boozlicious, one post of a few drinks at a meeting that occurs extremely rarely (since the jewlicious team is scattered geographically) does not the boozlicious team make. Maybe Muffti has a shot of it, what with those black current mojitos.
This is a train wreck.
Chutzpah, you have now promised to ignore Jobber. Please keep the promise. Jobber, how about you ignore Chutzpah. You guys are scaring Jewish Mother.
Besides you people drink and glorify booze too much anyway. This thread reported on the meeting where you guys had Vodka on top of beers and more. Chasers they used to call it.
I only have a small amount of wine for my drink, maybe twice a week I will have a half glass or glass of wine. Wine has health qualities at least. All other booze has no redeeming health qualities. At least drink wines for crissakes.
Mommmmmmmyyyyy
and besides I am a consultant. If I were to be drunk at the clients, they would sue the consulting firm shithead that employes me. He in turn would sue me.
Unless you know how to transform the breath in such a way that there is no booze smell. I am seriously interested in marketing such a product, that i feel has buyer interest.
Maybe we could call it boozlicious?
Hutzpah please do not continue to lie.Your entire post #27 IS total lies.
Hot size 8 is correct and was in fact carnally very active very early this AM (1:38Am to be exact). So I am definetly glowing this morning.There is no hookers and have never been except during my early 20’s twice I did go to hookers yes when I was single. Once in Amsterdam red light district, and once in NYC. It kinda sucks that experience imo.
Moxie web site I have not been on since June, it is a boring dumb web site where she talks about her relationship w. some asshole Patrick, but don’t let me stop you. Go on and read about her need for ‘me time’. What would I know about ‘me time’ while raising 3 exemplary frum kids, who are all on top classes on their Yeshiva day schools.
Drinking at work? U must be insane, how am I to hide the smell? All Alchohol will be on your breath. If you can tell me how to hide the smell, then maybe I can market that product. Please respond off line.
Wanking in front of the kids, you have lost your mind completely. How do you make up such lies?
It is just my impression but your irrational outbursts not only to me, show that you are not past it. You call it hutzpah, but it is demonic at times.
Jobber Asshole, I am referring to your assine & false statements in post #05. To quote “Allow it. You allow it.” 1st, on a personal level, I am past my marriage and look back on only the good times and 2nd, trust me, no man ever laid a hand on me that I did want.
But you logic is so completed warped that I had to address it…are you saying the woman “triggers” abuse? What about child-abuse…do the children “allow it”?
And creep, your way of working out your “rough patch” is just WRONG! i.e. getting off on women’s writings on their blogs and then trying to communicate with them (yeah, go reread Moxie’s descriptions of how she gives great head another 100 times you wanker); drinking at work; wanking in front of the kids; hookers and G-d only knows what ever other SICKO things you do.
A divorce would be the best gift you could give your poor wife (you know, the hot size 8 who doesn’t ever want to have sex with you and seems to be in niddah 34 days out of the month).
This is the last time I will ever address your disgusting, loathsomes, CREEPY comments.
Maybe 50% have ‘rougher’ patches than the others?
Chutzpah, I don’t know about the case you are referring to, but in your case it is obvious that you are still ‘chained’ to that horrible situation, in so many ways.
In general, it serves no one any good to constantly blame others for their situation. Specifically in relationships, I do not think that something happens in a snap; there is usually some communication loss or process that triggers the events.
I am sure that in 99% of marriages, at some point the thought of divorce has occured to one or both of the parties, this is commonly called going thru a ‘rough patch’. How is it that some couples work out this rough patch and others do not (50%?).
Well, whacked, perhaps, but still cool. And she certainly does have, ahem, an abiding affection for the Jewish people. And a really sweet DVD of Basement Jaxx videos. Just bad decision-making skills.
But you and Manwhore shouldn’t fret too much. Just because my w(h)acky Jew-loving shiksa compatriot has removed herself from the picture doesn’t mean Tulane and New Orleans during Mardi Gras in general are lacking females.
Well, she sounds pretty whacked. But a bit more stable than Muffti’s usual…
Well…uh…funny thing about her…she…sort of descended into a haze of drinking and needing to be picked up from bars in bad neighborhoods at 4 in the morning and then made a sort of half-hearted suicide attempt the night before she was supposed to go home for the summer, wound up in the psych ward, and her parents withdrew her from Tulane to keep an eye on her and make sure she takes her pills and stuff.
Uhh…I have weird friends. I’ll miss her and her antics, though.
Michael, so long as this time the girl who wanted to meet the jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeews shows up, we’re all happy.
Muffti, my apartment is right across the street from the old dorm, and since it’s on the second floor it’s probably not even underwater. Nothing fancy, but so much more human than dorm life. Much more floorspace for man-whorin’ and gator-eatin’. And stuff.
Wow, this discussion is worse than the moron discussion.
So Jobber, hypothetically speaking, if a women is beaten by her husband on a daily basis, not in the context of consensual sexplay (S&M, Bondage, Dominance), but because she lacks physical strength over him or because he has financial control over her, that makes it her fault in allowing it? Is she no longer the victim in that situation? What are you saying dude? That wife-abuse and beaten-wife syndrome is the fault of woman?
Handcuffs anyone?
Mardi Gras will rock. This year we do it right. Where’s your apt, Michael? Manwhore jonathon sends his regards and pre-thanks you for the crash pad. We all gonna eat some ‘gator or what?
Michael,
Thanks for the pic, I do like ’em young, but I wait until they are legal!
sorry for the spelling error on “puke”!
For the record…my ex only beat me in Court, not real life! Jobber lies when his Multiple Personality Disorder is flaring-up.
Didn’t you say you were leaving or something? Really, please, I can’t stand any more of your brilliant barbs. It hurts my feeble mind.
Yes Mikey what else can you babbel about, besides calling me a creep what other brilliance do you possess. This thread is toping over 100 now thanks to me, what have you ever contributed here in JLo land.
Bye bye, Jobber! Don’t get arrested for sexual harrassment!
Or, actually, please, do.
$250??? I’d need at least 2 Jackets for that! Oakland Raiders please. Should I send the cash straight to the G3 factory?
Ck, I will need $95 for the bus, and $125 for hotel room. Send me $250 Western Union, and we’ll do a charity event. Send it Western Union w/out any id needed. Mikey will be for real.
Mikey has something to write about now, the big shot. I have this coworker, a attractive Latina, ya creep, we will be doing comedy and adult content dude, see ya later.
You’re involved in a comedy album? Oh man, this I gotta hear. I mean, I was under the impression that to create a brilliant comedy album you had to be brilliant and funny, but by gosh, Jobber, you’ve proven me wrong!
Hey, you know, if this site is so dull, and you’re so brilliant anyway, and you feel so threatened by this “great clique bs,” you could always leave. You know, take your Latina panties, wine bottle and desperately-in-need-of-psychiatric-care self and shine that brilliant light on some less illuminated mortals.
Jobber: Bring me a cool ass leather NFL Jacket and I’ll think about paying you something.
Hey good to see you post ck, where you been? Got any more gr8 music rap linkx for us? Keep your bra on ck. I want to be paid for my trip to Montreal.
Michael, Your opinion is not important. Yes it is much livlier, this thread, for those who tire of the great clique bs. You leave your stupid opinions to your self, anyone who is uncomfortable is a fool. You will not be needing or having my brilliance for much longer anyway, I am involved in a brilliant comedy album now w/ a comedy partner. I would still like to know what the freak you contribute so much to this dull site.
Hutzpah contributes some gr8 sex stories at least.
did someone physically threaten one of my boys? am i hallucinating? Jobber are you for real? What’s the deal with this insane blathering? Cut it out ok? I don’t have time for this stupid shit. BTW I take on all comers. If you wanna tangle with “Mikey” you have to go through me first. I’m easy enough to find.
Oh I pay baby. I am paying this year 22K, that is not a fucking joke. And I go to all the parents nights Hutzpah, altho I run out and not stay for Maariv sorry. Every damn Teacher Hutzpah. But you wouldn’t know about that bec. you allowed the maniac to beat you, not twice but every day. Allow it. You allow it.
Booze at work yeah sure like I can hide the smell. How am I going to hide the smell you teach us that one? Only one way to hide the smell put some Latina panties on yer wine bottle.
wow. Creepy. Jobber, you’re scaring me.
Jobber, apparently in addition to a creep you’re also a stalker. Great. What next?
Jobber, if this is your idea of livening up this “dull” website, um, can you maybe find another website in need of your “services”? You’re not livening anything, you’re making people feel uncomfortable. I’m sorry that you refuse to realize it. Maybe you’re the one who needs that shrink.
My shrink can beat up your shrink anyday. Now go pay your kids Yeshiva tuition instead of taking scholarships and spending your paltry income on hookers and the booze you drink during working hours.
And you Michael, continue to call me a creep, for no reason except that I tried to liven up this dull web site. I would like to know what you do besides to call me dumb fag names.
Chutzpah dufus I post there whenever I feel like it, it is simply a very boring blog. You however have been banned there. You plagerized the girls web site, u copied her pages and threads, word for word, image for image, except that you threw a few Jew words in, out of your paltry vocabulary. So why Chutzpah do you continue to comment to me, wherever I go?
Yes, public service of course. And why Chutzpah, do you allow yourself to be decieved and pay, or someone pays of course, your doped up shrink, who has accomplished nothing for you, that you must continue to tranfer the pathological hatred for ex hubby, who burned you till the end of time he did, to a state, where some poor schlub like me, can conjure up such irrational behavior in you?
That you have not learnt a form of life that will not let this maniac of a frum clothes wearing man-animal, that you should not allow his existence to have any effect on you, yet any senior in high school, can see that you are on their level, that you are an emotional wreck and cripple, that instead of you once and for all, taking responsibility and acceptance for your actions that you in fact, created the foundation for your life, instead you will not let go of this hatred that permeates, indeed defines you, so that only u ar suffereing, but also you are causing generations of suffering.
So tell this great shrink of yours that he sucks, and the money that you have wasted there will be put to better use, like to pay your rent.
You’re invited, but Michael’s apartment will only be able to hold one (1) Muffti and one (1) Manwhore. People who aren’t broke-ass, shiftless graduate students will have to provide their own accomodations.
And since you seem, um, interested, here is a rare shot of the Manwhore in his natural environment.
Guys…please take me to Mardi Gras II (may it be rebuilt speedily in our days) with you! Esther & Laya could hold my hair back if I puck, just like my sorority sisters used to do for each other back in the day.
As for Jobber, he’s been banned from numerous blogs (the sophisticated ones that pre-view comments) and told to fuck-off by many more since his “HelpMoxie” stunt wherein he wrote to all the commentators for networkinggirl.com. I really applaud your acts of kindness in continuing to allow him to post.
Now, where are you hiding this alleged Manwhore?
Michael, no need to read motives into the Muffti. But good to know that New New Orleans has a spot for Muffti during the most rowdy part of the year. He’s buying beads arleady. Manwhore Jonathon is gearing up as well.
Muffti, I’m touched, but to be fair he didn’t threaten me so much as invite me to fight him, in admittedly garbled syntax. And also call me sort of unclever names.
Is all this protective behavior just a way to wrangle an invite to Mardi Gras II in New Orleans ha-Bnuyah? Don’t worry, dude, you’re invited.
Jobber, shut the fuck up and leave Michael alone. Muffti could care less if you are creepy. But threaten one of the team and know that you are threatening the entire team. Now stop being a dickhead and behave yerself, chump.
Why would I fight you now that I’ve already won?
Wow. Creepy.
You’re a dumb ass Mikey, you’re a stupid piece of shit. When you want to fight me asshole shit head that you are. WHEN????
And I’ll continue to think you’re a creep for it.
Yes well whoever is emailing me to buy that infamous t shirt, you’d better stop or I am going to initiate a police report.
As far as commenting on the fashions of ‘the elite clique’, I will continue to do so on a hetero basis only.
ck, say nothing, just be grateful that Kelsey is going to save our blog. 😉
Good grief. I don’t even know what to say.
ck is mad tzniut. Now there’s a guy who leads by example. If only Muffti would take a hint and stop showing so much skin…
OK, let’s call this whole thing off. I will be the Jewlicious Official Pervert and Jobber can be the Jewlicious Official Creep and that way everyone get’s the attention they crave. Thank you for your support. –JOP
Iagree. And allow me to add that it woulda been less creepy if instead of the women, he had flattered the tznius ck is showing with that t-shirt.
Jobber, you weren’t “trying to make this thread interesting to other people besides the inner clique,” you were being a borderline pervert. If you’ll notice, it had 55 comments before you and your hormones came along, so at least some people outside the clique found it interesting. And this isn’t the first time in your long, storied, many-named posting history that you’ve done it.
Maybe it’s fun to you, but to other people, it’s (here’s that word again) creepy.
Sure, but just note once again, that the out of the blue attack on me was made again, after the many times that she said that was to ignore me here, lol.
I’m all about fun believe me. Did I say anything to or about her, no I did not. I was talking a bit w/. Mikey and trying to make this thread interesting to other people besides the inner clique.
Dude, nobody edited you. If you have a problem with what Chutzpah posted, you can always email Esther and ask her to edit it out. If she thinks it’s right to do so, she will. Both of your attacks on each other a little brutal, in my opinion, and you did hint at having some power over her. How about moving on to a more peaceful dialogue?
IOW, this is a private blog wherein only those who are sponsors of the blog can decide what is in good taste and humor or not. Where are the real opinions that matter?
Yes but actually hurting someone is more wrong, much more. Bringing up statements that are fabricated, unprovable, is what has been done to moi, but I don’t stoop to that level, no sirreeeee.
I would never hurt someone in that manner, unless there was a reason to, and there is no reason, this web site is too serious for my liking. I am trying to liven you people up for Jewlicious sake.
This is the problem there you singles, all too seriousness, not enough merry making.
What the Middle said. As the wardrobe maligned authoress of this thread, I command thee to stop, cease and desist all such threats, which I have determined to be un-Jewlicious. Got it?
creepy…very creepy. I haven’t done or said anything that I’m embarrassed of, otherwise I wouldn’t have done or said it, that’s what having Chutzpah is all about. But threatening to hurt someone? That’s wrong.
Hello Japan!
Jobber and Chutzpah, cut it out. The only acceptable attacks here are calling Kelsey a moron.
There seems to be enough interesting stuff on this dopey web site to hold you here. And please don’t threaten people.
Semi Drooling? Appraisals? You guys are lame. Oh yeah, like there is so much interesting stuff on this dopey web site, sure.
CHutzpah I could hurt you w/ what I know about your history but I won’t bother.
Nah. Do a public service and let him know I’m not the only one who’s “fresh” or talking BS.
yuck, and following me to every blog I comment on…very creepy…but I fear his wrath of trying to take take all the fun out of blogging for me, so maybe we should just delete my list? I should probably try to take the high road here, for a change.
Thanks, JM.
Chutzpah, don’t forget number 6) semi-drooling appraisals of Jewlicious women.
But yeah, I remember number one. Can’t really touch that.
Michael was going to school in New Orleans, but he is not, any more. Neither, has he many years on him. We must cut him a little slack.
Top 5 reasons to call Jobber Creepy:
5) Posting a HelpMoxie blog because she enjoyed rough sex with her boyfriend
4) Sending Chutzpah fake emails stating to be Robert Sherman, Canadian 44 year old owner of transportation company.
3) Everything he posted on Nice Jewish Girl’s blog under the name Eish Aish
2) His anti-American comments
1) Everything he wrote on his own blog about his masterbating into an old tee shirt and telling his kids he was exercising when they walk in.
Mikey, you are being wierd now, or should I say “Fresh”. Don’t call me creepy for no damn reason. I’m not putting up w./ your BS.
Peace,
Jobber
Hello CHINA!
Ck, I’m callin’ and you’re not answerin’.
Yo! Middle! Call me! (213) 276-2870 (I have a cell phone again – ugh!)
Yup, we do censor. I mean, if the Kahanist dude comments on our site, comments reeking of bad manners are really just a small blip.
TM you’re a funny guy.
Middle, I edited by removing the duplicate comments, which is I assume what you meant. I was tempted to delete some of the comments themselves, but then I decided that was censorship.
I’m also not addressing–or apologizing–for what I was–or wasn’t–wearing.
Esther, you should edit the schmutz.
1) Only my mother is allowed to call me Mikey.
2) It’s not that frank appraisal of women’s clothing is necessarily creepy, or Go Fug Yourself wouldn’t be so hilarious. But it somehow is when you do it.
What’s creepy Mikey? We have the first full length pic of the princess of Jewlicious. Very Tznius compared to Estherke there, w/ her low cut black summer dress.
Tom,
The irony of the verbiage was not lost on this writer.
Tom,
The irony of the verbiage was not lost on me.
I can’t get no satisfaction, and the male orthodox, perhaps virginal, dental student living in the illegal 3rd apartment in my building, which my Kollel Landlord build in violation of every housing permit code in the book, (shhh…it’s a big secret) is looking ever so jewlicious….
chutzpah, use of the word ‘scab’ in this context is very, uh …. unsettling.
And what if you can’t get sex with commitment? Strike away, women of America, strike away…
Yeah man. That’s a pretty damn blurry picture. You’re reading way into this.
Speaking of Jobber, vaguely creepy there.
Speaking of Laya, very Tznius outfit there, the shirt AND sweater in what still hot and humid NY Summer???? Shirt sticking out, no middle, hehe, but does show off her long nice legs albeit wrapped in fancy designer jeans.
Judi, while you are out there lost in space, say hello to the Governor of Louisana who was obviously lost in space at least a week before Katrina hit.
Correction: so lost. I am lost. My space bar is stuck and I am lost without it.
I am tired…
Exactly what in hell do bridesmaid dresses have to do with anything? I’m solost it’s not funny. Synopsis, please. Someone. Or maybe just pass the tin foil.
JM, do you mean “Tu B’Av”? This talk of Tu Bishvat has me all confused.
I would embrace the Lysistrata plan to end all war. I think it’s worth it. Especially since, as the kids at yeshiva used to say, “sure, I’m shomer negiah, but not by choice.”
And oy, just thinking about Chutzpah and Muffti summitting on this issue, in real or virtual venues, is making my head spin out of control. You know, like the subject of this thread.
Actually, having a bride’s attendants lined up in matching dresses is kind of from the other culture, not ours. Laya pointed that out.
But once you HAVE the dress languishing in your closet … well, make it work for a living.
Bal Masque?
You can get the masks in the party stores at Halloween. Black velvet.
Tinfoil hats ok too, if that’s what you look good in! Even though I am NOT coming.
The men should balance the formal atmosphere by wearing a lot of black, to defer to, and set off, the wierdly colorful women, gowned to the floor; formal, but nobody matching anybody else – yay! I’m free! … It’s the Jewlicious Secret Prom on Tu B’Shevat. And all the midnight butterflies came out in their finery to dance.
or you could just come over to my place and we could chat about it in person..
From that invitation it doesn’t sound like much talking will be done.
Warning Muffti, women liking sex without committment is a HIGHLY controversial subject, I’d advise a separate thread to discuss it… or you could just come over to my place and we could chat about it in person. As to the idea of a sex strike, yeah, I’d be a scab.
Well, Michael, you DO go to Tulane…is it really THAT surprising? 🙂
I can attest to the validity of Muffti’s assertion. But unfortunately for our boys in Iraq, as long as Chutzpah can’t resist a man in uniform, there could never be a total sex strike to end our current world conflicts.
Hey, JM, I don’t read Shmuley either. And it is totally up to you what to read. For example, I don’t read most of the books for my classes, yet I keep getting As. Funny how that works.
Michael, I probably agree with Shmuly occasionally. It’s just not my context; it’s not my world. If he works for people, fine. I have never read the guy and feel no interest. I only read what I genuinely feel like reading.
Michael’s fair planet is his own, his own, to run his way. With every generation, the world starts again.
The hurricane is going to leave its effects on people’s minds long after, years. I don’t know what I would do, if NO had been my town.
Ummmn, Chutzpah, have you ever thought that perhaps some women like having sex without commitment? Muffti suspects that one would have a rather hard time recruiting them for your strike. However, if Aristophanes is to be believed, such a strike on a local level can be very effective. Lysistrata’s sex strike in Athens brought the war to a halt.
Steve,
Didn’t actually read Kosher Sex, ’cause you know, I can’t even get the treif kind, being over 40. BUT, I did recently finish “Hating Women: America’s Campaign Against the Fairer Sex” and I have to say he has good theories, they just would never work in reality, much like Jewish Mother’s. For example, “the women should unite and go on strike from providing sex without committment”. Nice theory, but as with any strike, their are always the scabs.
Yeah, Tom, the Muffti is in fact the officer of counter-counter-revolutionary activities. Which means, he really wants you to ivnite him to your commentatory meeting. Plllllllllllease?
Michael, be nice, JM hasn’t attacked you directly or even indirectly. She’s merely talking about dresses and Jewish weddings.
By the way, Tom, counterrevolutionary activity is very much frowned upon on Jewlicious. Mention it again and the Jewlicious Cheka will be on your Catholic tuchus faster than you can say Hail Mary. Esther can snap a bourgeois pig’s neck in 14 different ways.
Jewish Mother – an alien who shrieks at the mention of Shmuley Boteach like he was a mouse in a 1930s cartoon, and espouses vaguely totalitarian beliefs.
Put on your tin foil helmets. She’s coming for you next.
Steve, whatever book you mean, try Alibris.com They have almost every book ever seen in the galaxy, used, and very cheap. They deliver.
I wasn’t going to show up anyplace. I like to stay home, in general.
Schmuley Boteech is way to the left of me. Eeeek! I am on a chair, clutching my petticoats. Yikes! Yuck!
Power to which people?
Hey! The more rights you have, the fewer rights you have.
Per that, I hope GM’s dissertation is going well.
How ’bout a meeting of the commentariat, no postpeople allowed? (Or, allowed to attend at our sole discretion…)
We could subvert the dominant paradigm together. Power to the people, baby.
Ah Chutzpah, so how is that book anyway. I can’t seem to be able to find it in a garage sale and I’m not buying it new!
I find most of what he says ridiculous or obvious. I am reading DH Lawrence at the moment.
If you HAVE the Bride’s Maid’s dress(es), you have to amortize them, no?
Oh, the in-joke humor.
ALL the women at the party have to be in the same boat, or it does not work. Who could be the only one in a bride’s-maid dress? There has to be female solidarity. And the men have to suspend disbelief and be an audience and cheer.
Covertly, you will get a glance. Because they are not really hideous dresses. Just orphaned, like 8 track tape.
(OBVIOUSLY a truly unflattering dress should be chucked immediately or donated.)
I meant a decent dress you have no place to wear … icky pastel color ok (if it goes OK with your skin), because:
There IS a way to carry off the ruffle and tulle thing. Black tights and suede heels? Shoes have to be matte at night. Points secretly awarded for looking interesting and adorablel in a bride’s maid dresss! Not easy!
You have to cut the sugar, like in cooking, when you put coffee in the chocolate mousse.
Let us appreciate our women. The line dance will look great.
I know we are sad about the disasters but the weddings must go on. I am not making light of the sorrows.
Actually Steve, I find Boteach to be more pro-women than JM, at least he’s never openly advocated frilly bridesmaid dresses, unless that was in the chapter of Kosher Sex that I missed.
I wouldn’t say we’re scared to meet our readers…I mean, who doesn’t love a brilliantly shaded coterie of Jews and Jewthusiasts? And drinks? It’s all good. However, good sense applies…we’d have to meet in a public place, maybe at one of those clubs with the metal detectors on the way in, and certain people would have to stay in their opposite corners to avoid violence. But there’s a way to do it, for sure.
But really, it was very last-minute and there was no time to really alert the media…next time, kids.
Well, while I do indeed love me some Matisyahu, my thinking went like this: lots of sites put up Matisyahu songs. So people are covered there. But where else can people go to hear Dizzee Rascal against Charles Mingus against the Abyssinians? I gotta carve out that niche.
Thanks Michael.
You do have “awesome DJ skillz”, although given your apparent musical/religious proclivities I am surprised not to find Matisyahu on the playlist.
Hey E-Kvetcher, I’m glad somebody appreciates my awesome DJ skillz. I had to update WordPress so I can begin dealing with the literally thousands upon thousands of spam comments KE received (which is a lot of why I haven’t been doing any posting), and the link to the radio.blog isn’t on the (hopefully temporary) new title page.
But lucky you, you can still access the radio by going directly to the source
here.
Michael is always happy to help when people compliment his taste in music.
Sick, Email Digital next time… I promise a round of drinks on me, but only one, THe DiGiTaL isnt made of money. He would love to meet the Jewlicious crew. I just thought about it more, you guys are probably scared to meet the majority of your readers, I don’t blame you, but the offer still stands…
Michael,
What happened to the radio blog on kosher eucharist? Those were some serious tunes. I also noticed that Jewschool took down it’s link to its RadioBlog. Is there something going on?
JM is way too fem. That blowhard is all male right wing conservative putridity.
No, I didn’t get it wrong; “Chtzpah” is actually a code name. Either that or my “u” key is broken. No, that’s not it, either. Dang.
Chtzpah, you may be onto somethin’. I’d be happy to endorse your theory. Float a few Michael Jackson references & see if “she” bites.
Cute pic, but it looks as though GM had a little too much asparagus.
The funny thing about that photo is that CK looks the most awake and cheery of all of us, even though he kept falling asleep.
I’ve suspected all along that “Jewish Mother” is actually a pen-name for Shmuely Boteach, but I didn’t want to come out with my theory until others proposed theirs.
You guys all looked Jewlicious just they way you are!
(Of course people look better in stockings and heels, but gee whiz not everybody can take all that dignity. And people’s feet hurt sometimes, and it will be cold weather.)
What a great Tu B’shevat tradition to start! Brides’ Maid’s dresses!
Michael has high standards. Nothing wrong with that.
Just a suggestion. Esther rules.
THAT’S BECA– USE HER ALIEN LIFE FORCE IS INFECTING OUR BODIES! Am I the only one who sees this? Her kind will take over our fair planet!
Esther, try [email protected]
Michael, there’s a little bit of Jewish Mother in all of us.
Some of us still manage to become Benyamin Netanyahu, Calvin Klein, Albert Einstein, Mordechai Richler or Rabbi Schneerson, but we cannot escape the JM in all of us.
Michael, I sent you an email (to tulane) that bounced back. Got another email addy for me?
And for the record, no matter who is or isn’t an alien, I’m for black Jewlicious t-shirts. Duh.
Middle, maybe all those black and white movies lied to me, but I was under the impression that not only did people back in the day not wear frilly dresses with T-shirts and black tights and sneakers, they actually dressed on average better than people today.
Look, I’m not hatin’ on her as an alien. I just think it’s time to come clean.
I think JM belongs to a different generation. But alien? Naaaah.
Does anybody else think Jewish Mother is actually an alien who is trying to learn the ways and manners of the human race, but keeps getting it kind of garbled?
I mean, does any real live human support the combination of frilly dresses, T-shirts, black tights and sneakers? Okay, well, maybe those girls in college who listen to Alkaline Trio and talk about cutting themselves, but besides them?
(Some young women were saying how their closets are full of worn-once, expensive, nice looking, bride’s-maid dresses they had to buy for their friends’ weddings. Where to wear these frilly things?? BUT, at The Jewlicious Secret Prom, next Tu b’Shevat, that is ALL the ladies will wear: Used Bride’s Maid Dresses, maybe with a black Jewlicious T-shirt pulled over, black tights and sneakers. Or, dress shoes if you want. Don’t even ask about the red roses, the cheek mouches and the rhinestone tiaras. It will be very late in the evening, and very far downtown. No marrieds, or Committeds. Past their bed-times.)
An excellent question, IRB. CK’s gone “off the grid,” as we used to say in the CIA. I’m calling in for backup.
Nu, ck where’s that pic that was promised?
Silly CK. Caffeine wakes you up. Alcohol can make you momentarily hyper, and then knocks you out. You should definitely have timed your trip a little better, and then we all could have overlapped in Calif. Well, except Michael. Dang. We’ve got to get the whole band back together.
My delicious nephew wishes you all a Shabbat shalom.
it was so last minute and i was so so tired. i figured a pink girlie drink might help but it didn’t so much so i settled for a beer. i am in la now fighting jet lag and stuff. gonna meet with rabbi bookstein next week and prolly hit the wine guy’s resto. i tried to wait for esther to get there first but geez, how much can one guy wait? Gimme a holler TM if you wanna have a mojito. Sorry michael, no plans to be in wisconsin any time soon. any time ever actually. but i will be sure to have a mojito in your honor!
am in thrall to the ingenuity of your craft babygal.
Esther – how do i say this – thou art a genius! This is splndid!
Thanks, gang. Sorry about this Michael, but a) the trip was last-minute (at least as far as I know), and b) it was almost a rave in that we had no idea where or when or if we were meeting at all until a non-literal five minutes beforehand. But you’re right, it’s like middle school gym class. We did sit-ups and a 10-minute mile, followed by that thing where you climb the rope and it burns but it also feels kind of good.
FWIW, we talked about you and New Orleans, and felt a little bad that it wasn’t a “full-team meeting.” Let me raise a virtual mojito to you and wish you peace of mind and a heart that will soon heal, and most of all, forgive us our trespasses.
esther, very moving and emotional post – as usual. the meeting sounded fascinating 🙂 – i am sure this story deserves soon to become the most commented post!
btw themiddle i know you ve already become bored with the neocounter but i still havent seen you welcoming visitors from poland so do me a favor and produce a nice one while i m here.
Right, that’s what I meant to say.
Wankers.
esther, your writing is brilliant. makes my heart race. though… the “polluted milkshake” imagery was a total turn-off, and a bit unsettling. sounds like you had a Jewlicious time in your soulless metropolis. teehee.
You guys had a meeting when I’m bored and have nothing to do because New Orleans is underwater and you didn’t even tell me, much less invite me? You worthless bastards.
God. I feel so unincluded. This is like middle school gym class all over again.
Wankers.
I would have had a mojito with ya. 😉