It was a balmy night, and the night air was thick and barely breathable, like a polluted milkshake. But dipping into wellsprings of courage and driven by a desire to reconnect with visiting dignitaries, braving obscene humidity; extreme exhaustion; light, semi-baptismal rain; and poor directions, they came from the four corners of the world: Jerusalem, Montreal, the Upper West Side, and New Brunswick. Their destination: a lounge on the Lower East Side of Manhattan, for the Spontaneous 2005 Jewlicious Leadership Summit. The Occasionally Fantastic Four had last convened under the aegis of a good doctor last November, and the reunion was, as reunions often are, both long overdue and a huge tease.
In an effort to throw off blog counterspies, the four arrived separately, provoking no suspicions from the LES hipsterati. The first two to arrive uttered the code words to the server: “We’d like an order of asparagus,” which officially kicked off the gathering. Stragglers were ribbed about their tardiness by those who had already arrived, and shared tales of being lost above and beneath ground.
After noting the notable absences of themiddle and michael, the meeting commenced with the ceremonial ordering of cocktails, with only minimal concern from one of the men as to the wussiness quotient of ordering pink drinks, and with the ladies following their hearts to the minty freshness of mojitos. The Four spoke in hushed tones of gimpy camels and the reproductive abilities of mermaids, and of past excursions to that thing at Hillel with the art exhibit. Bulls tried to mate with monkeys, and then monkeys with mermaids. And there was whiskey. And then beer. And vodka. And narcoleptic computer geeks of Moroccan extraction. And at the end, like some recurring nightmare or running gag, instead of creme brulee, more asparagus.
And at the end of it all, right before we were scattered to the winds –once again reliant on our wits and subway maps to ferry us home–I was appointed the scribe, the Anthony Michael Hall to our Jewlicious non-Breakfast Club, who would record it all in obscure, pointless, yet painstaking, detail, right down to the irony of our clandestine meeting having transpired mere feet from an American Apparel store.
Layperson’s summary: CK, Muffti, Laya and Esther met for drinks all the way downtown. The drinks came decorated with little plastic animals. Then CK and Laya flew back to Cali. Oh yeah, and there was abundant asparagus. Blurry photo to come when CK uploads itabove thanks to Muffti.
The community thing is hard. There are so many subtle levels of personal culture. Put up with who you can put up with, and stay clear of the others. But I would never speak ill of another Jew.
Most of the time, the only person listening to what we say is us. So, if we complain, we are teaching our only pupil, us, that we are weak. That’s not great.
The community is one’s own house. Sounds like yours is populated. How lucky.
All we can do is our best, I figure.
We are not yet in time of Moshiach; so there is always going to be something wrong. Oh well. We cannot expect Eden now.
U did good JM, very wise. But are you a part of a community? This is where I have problems w. the whole thing. The Rabbi who is always preaching, nothing is ever good enough (when I used to come to a shiur 3 times a week, then they want 4x), the services which become boring.
Learning has remained an oasis for me. Even if I only learn from
Artscroll, some blogs, at this point, I do enjoy it, and do feel a spiritual experience. I am just not comfortable anymore w/ the balai batim mileu at least the way it is in the USA. I only remain as I do, for my children.Things are different when one is 19, or 20. It’s a different world from 41.
As you would have people talk to your children, talk to other people’s children.
I was a middle-aged BT.
I have been there and done that.
This is the first I have heard that I need assertiveness lessons, ha ha.
I was impugning doubt, and advocating faith. I CHOSE it, don’t forget. Nobody made me. It has worked out because I did not go overboard; I just became kosher-eating and Sabbath observant, and I pray in the morning, briefly, and I say a prayer before I eat something. None of this has been the end of the world.
BUT I was old. The young go a lot further with everything.
D’Angelo is VERY hot!
Sorry, Chutzpah, the closest I’ve come to listening to Tom Jones is appreciating his televised duet with D’Angelo on James Brown’s “Get Up (I Feel Like Being a Sex Machine).”
Speaking of which, mmm, D’Angelo.
Micheal, I love it when you talk retro…can you do “It’s Not Unusual” next?
Or, to paraphrase my friends in Funkadelic: Free yo mind, and yo kitten heels will follow!
That’s right, JM! Raise yo fist, my beautiful Jewish sister! Do not let some white-ass honky rav in his 18th century Polish nobleman’s clothes tell you how to get down! You groove to yo own tune! Boogie to yo own jive! Bring down the Man! Fight the Power!
Stop doubting yourself and listening to, as they used to say in the 70’s “the Man”. Time to stand-up and say “I don’t always have to be the Stepford wife, and this sheitel is making me thirsty!”
But, but, I was pondering the nature of doubt.
Rabbi Yeshua Krohn,1-800-BabyBoy.At $700 a snip, I doubt if he’s fielding questions on “every other little thing”, but my son had no pain and healed nicely. Very sweet & pious man.
But…I think you should give yourself a little more credit. You know how to slip on those kitty heels without asking a Rav first, don’t you? (Yes, right foot first, of course.)
Actually I was mumbling about the nature of doubt.
cute. They are trying to explain the anti-semitism since that time has its source w/ Amamlek I suppose. What is this JM, you are copying and pasting your personal correspondances, lol. Good Shabbis, 🙂
Re Doubt:
“There is doubt that is based on rational query. There is doubt that rises from the doubter’s subjective motives and desires. But then there is doubt pure and simple: irrational doubt, doubt more powerful than reason. Doubt that neutralizes the most convincing arguments and the most inspiring experiences with nothing more than a cynical shrug.
Such was the doubt that left the Jewish people susceptible to attack from Amalek. “Amalek,” in the spiritual sphere, is the essence of baseless, irrational indifference;
in the words of the Midrash:
What is the incident (of Amalek) comparable to? To a boiling tub of water which no creature was able to enter. Along came one evil-doer and jumped into it. Although he was burned, he cooled it for the others. So, too, when Israel came out of Egypt, and G-d rent the sea before them and drowned the Egyptians within it, the fear of them fell upon all the nations. But when Amalek came and challenged them, although he received his due from them, he cooled* the awe of them for the nations of the world (Midrash Tanchuma, Ki Teitzei 9).”
I found that at Chabad. Good Shabbos.
PS If I knew a rabbi as insightful as the one at that bris, I would be asking him how to tie my shoes and every other little thing. You are lucky.
Re Doubt:
There is doubt that is based on rational query. There is doubt that rises from the doubter’s subjective motives and desires. But then there is doubt pure and simple: irrational doubt, doubt more powerful than reason. Doubt that neutralizes the most convincing arguments and the most inspiring experiences with nothing more than a cynical shrug.
Such was the doubt that left the Jewish people susceptible to attack from Amalek. “Amalek,” in the spiritual sphere, is the essence of baseless, irrational indifference; in the words of the Midrash:
What is the incident (of Amalek) comparable to? To a boiling tub of water which no creature was able to enter. Along came one evil-doer and jumped into it. Although he was burned, he cooled it for the others. So, too, when Israel came out of Egypt, and G-d rent the sea before them and drowned the Egyptians within it, the fear of them fell upon all the nations. But when Amalek came and challenged them, although he received his due from them, he cooled* the awe of them for the nations of the world (Midrash Tanchuma, Ki Teitzei 9).
So there. Good Shabbos.
Michael, if they don’t want people to comment on their looks, ever, then they should not have their pics published. I once took a course in public speaking. It was not Dale Carneighie, but a little harsher, but just as effective. At one point, the teacher said, that’s your ass they’re staring at’.
Maybe in a perfect world you are right. But for kidding around I raised a topic, which is a topic that has been discussed on here many times. That is how I made the connection. That is what I found funny. Not the funniest story ever told, but cute. So why do you insist on making such a big deal out of a joke? Does every joke have to be on the highest level of comedic humor? I took a shot, no one hit on it, so we move on. Of the 2 girls, one was silent, one made a comment to stop that sounded like she was laughing anyhow. And the whole thing is past now, why must you continue to harp on a failed joke? I never said I was David Letterman.
Chutzpah is making me laugh out again, bravo. ROFLMFAO!!! http://www.chutzpahfantasies.com
o.k. I’m out of control…I’ll go check my meds now.
P.S. Glad to make it hard for you ck!
Gang…that was the fake name…email me for the real one.
Would somebody please remove the last name our dear Chutzpah posted above.
*Sigh* Some days being a strong advocate of free speech is a hard, hard thing.
Sorry to be a spoilsport & all, but this thread is a good example of why the “delete” command was invented.
Wow. Well, uh, I’m glad that’s out there, I guess.
Yes, the truth is out…I want to give Jobber the ride of his life, I want to suck on him and make him cum until I drain ever last drop from him…then I want to shout out his name at the top of my lungs… “ROBERT XXXXXXX” “Oh ROBERT! I love how you manage that Canadian bus company. Let’s fuck in the back of the bus” …should I continue or can we get back to some serious debates over whether the Rabbis are correct in allowing pierced ears for women, because you know, women can’t make these decisions for themselves.
Jobber, it’s irritating to me because it’s irritating to those “2 girls in the pic,” who don’t want or need random people talking about their levels of tzniut or their long legs and all the other stuff you said. There’s a certain level of decency that prevents most people from saying things like that. And don’t try to pass it off as humor, because even if that was your original intention, which seems doubtful, you were the only one laughing.
You need to be accepting of the fact that not everybody likes to be judged on their appearance and their clothing by mysterious men on the Internet who refuse to understand why such appraisals are inappropriate and yes, creepy. And publicly embarrassing.
If you’re only looking for laughs, you should really look harder, because you’re not getting any.
Actually Jewish Mother, the mohel at my son’s bris (to bring the topic back to one of my favorite subjects)said that the act of circumsion is G-d’s acknowledgement that man is not a complete “signed designer creation”, but rather that man must participate in the act of perfecting & creating himself. Thus the statement “Let US make man” shows the partnership between the designer and the creation.
What do YOU really THINK of pierced ears? Is your opinion only valid if a Rabbi concurs with it or are you, as an individual, capable of making moral decisions for YOURSELF?
As for the mascot, she is way too slow.
It’s a cute pic, but the trend is to put up more frequent changes. Like the change Yahoo made recently for example. It is a sign of the next trend in interactive.
Michael, when you agree to have your pic posted in the net, it is by default going to attract all sorts of input. You are very closed minded is your problem. You need to grow to be more accepting of other people’s ideas, w/out resorting to your assinine slapsick comedic routine. For 2 reasons, one you are deprived of mind expansion, and 2 u are publicly embarassing someone, which is discussed much in Jewish scholarly books as a non attractive attibute. It is interesting that you and chutpah have hit on the very same dynamic, altho I believe there are more pedestrian reasons, certainly on the female side. You know the Phishing mentality.
You should be most aware that my entire posting basis here and anywhere for the matter, is humor based, I am only looking for some laughs, and am appalled at the level of seriousness that some people take my sense of humor w/. As for Hutzpah I have lost understanding of her #28 questions that are scattered all over this thread. I think she wants to know if I have AIDS or a disease. Not that this is a laughing matter but I assume she has some reason but I can’t figure it out. It is non-sensical. I am not interested in this side of chutpah, I am only interested in the friendly, funny side of chutzpah.
i wish you two would lighten up. Why can’t I post about the 2 girls in the pic, Michael. What is so irritating to you?
Although The Middle sees no purpose or beauty in body piercings, especially ones on the face, he has some difficulty with the complaints about the lovely woman on the right who graces this website daily. She’s attractive; the shirt is great; the angelic light behind her reminds us of the messengers Yahweh sent to Abraham; her pose reminds us that GOD resides somewhere above the monitor; and her rolled eyes remind us of our respect for s/he who is/isn’t made of atoms who resides with/outside of us.
I vote for keeping her.
Although the site has been running a little slow in the last week.
Well, I have pierced ears and, since I’m cheap, usually wind up bumming studs or earrings I like off my female friends. Does this mean I’m going to hell? Damn. Curse you, beged isha!
Yeah, Muffti just remember a verse. He wasn’t sure of its significance, JM. As for beged isha, that seems right: we can make male earrings and then we could wear them. Just like Scotsmen can wear
dresseskilts!The reason I’ve always heard for the wearing of earrings on men being frowned upon (it is not officially forbidden) is beged isha. Never heard anything about the golden calf. However, if earrings were designed specifically for men, I would think that would get around the beged isha issue.
No offense taken. But I NEVER heard of the profession-specific earrings, and as the learned GM pointed out, no more bling on men after the golden calf debacle.
As for G-d’s reasons for the hurricane, either don’t go there, or only go there with a very experienced, trusted rabbi.
Pierced ears are ok for women, I think. I am not a rabbi.
In general we do not do permanent body art. To us, the body is already a signed designer creation, by the big designer in the sky.
Fashions change. As the decades lumber by, people sometimes wish they could get rid of the cuteness of yesteryear which dates them. If it’s permanent, don’t, say I. Hair, by contrast, grows out. A bottle green forelock might be nice.
Or not.
Maybe we are fine the way we are?
I’m sorry if I offended you, JM, as that was not my intention. I just tend to fly off a little when people claim to know God’s intentions, especially with all those self-righteous people lately saying God destroyed New Orleans in retribution for Gaza.
As far as piercings, though, I’m pretty sure the Talmud mentions Jewish men wearing earrings that identified their particular trade or guild.
Anyway, the girl in the picture just has a growth on her face the poor thing. It’s not that bad, if she would just unclasp her hands, or convert. One or the other. There is nothing wrong with clasping one’s hands in prayer. It’s just not done in Judaism. Christmas angels are cute for Christians. To each his own.
Mystery question…who wrote post #28? Will the fake Jobber please stand-up?
Yeah, right. Golden calf. The men used their yucky gold jewelry to melt down and make the stupid calf. SO they never ever wear jewelry any more, in humility at that memory. The women did NOT give their jewelry to make the stupid calf, SO THEY get to wear lots of bling.
No. GM, help out.
I am referring to where it says in Tanach that if a slave loves his master so much he doesn’t want to be freed in the jubilee year, then he has to have his ear lobe nailed (pierced) to the doorpost. So that makes piercing seen as a badge of slavery, and also the craven attitude of a slave who does not mind being a slave.
We don’t do body art because the pagans did.
There a lot of yeshiva trained people here.
Muffti thought that its kind of complicated. Don’t they collect ear rings from the Israelite men when they make the golden calf? Something in Genesis about taking out a nose ring? Experts?
Good luck in your studies in Israel.
Jewish Mother, you have no idea what God’s personal feelings on lip piercings are, and neither does anybody else. As far as a piercing’s status as a badge of slavery, stupidity, and lack of hygiene, do you have pierced ears? Are you a slave, stupid or dying of cancer?
You mention G-d. He doesn’t like that kind of thing. Badge of slavery, if not stupidity, and lack of hygiene. But, you have to ask GM, who knows from this kind of learning. Chapter and verse. Stuff like that.
Hear no yucky, speak no yucky (or at least try), see no yucky. Don’t wanna. Don’t hafta.
eeeeeeeyeewwwww
Muffti has been outside. You guys should try it. Women have peircings these days in the whackiest of places. JM, Muffti promises not be photographed with a small cancer on his lip. Eye rolling and hand clasping, however, are a different story!
God, have any of you people ever seen a lip ring before? Do you go outside?
GM is ok if not photographed with his hands clasped, his eyes rolling and a small cancer on his lip.
Incidentally, Jobber, since you mentioned civility, civility also includes not making public assessments of the “tznius level” of women who didn’t ask for your opinion.
Hmmm, we’ve never banned anyone before.
Is there a reason that explains why the two of you cannot stick to your promises and ignore each other?
David, can you please call home? If you don’t, I’ll just assume you’re not coming back and start selling your stuff on ebay.
But what will you have as a chaser? It’s hard to call something a ‘lie’ if it is true.
that liar did not know this info when she stated that I go to hookers. Really this pathological liar is becoming more and more disgusting. Does anyone smell a multi person thing here.
You call that spot what you want, I wouldn’t go there. I don’t know what’s going on on her lower lip.
CHutzpah you should use this place to practice civility, not lies. What do you think you are going to accomplish? They will ban me, is that what your lies are trying to accomplish?
Why would they ban me, when I never initiated a vile attack on anyone, only when I was attacked first, I can document this.
Chutzpah for your own sake, leave me along, or at least stop the lies, you are giving us all a major headache. Wine, I need my half glass of read French wine.
Yeesh, never mind. Muffti will go voluntarily. He knows where he’s not welcome.
On what basis? Did anybody write post #28? “I did go to hookers yes when I was single. Once in Amsterdam red light district, once in NYC.”
Did you test for everything before the Chuppah?
Diseases like veneral warts, herpes & HIV can lay latent for years creep.
shmendrick – it’s a lip piercing not a hickey!
That “hickey” is what most people would refer to as a “lip ring.”
Yep…it’s time to follow JM’s advice. Let’s get rid of the Jewlicious Sidebar Girl and, while we’re at it, Grandmuffti. Gotta take out the atheist trash.
Yeah I was also thinking that girl is played out there, and she has some kind of a hickey on her lip, it is rather disgusting.
Jewish Mother, what exactly has gone wrong? Besides Jobber and Chutzpah taking pot shots at one another?
JOBBER, GM can assure you that the reason alcohol is on your breath is because it gets oxidized. But a large part is that your mouth dries out. See: here for some more information. Drinking water will dilute the alcohol and help stave off some of the effects. However, as Muffti says, you also require strong smelling gum.
As for prostitute fantasies, when woman have them, they are kinda hot. So let’s hope so.
NOTHING has gone right since that impious picture of the fatuous girl pseudo-praying with her hands clasped. Jews don’t clasp their hands in prayer. They don’t roll their eyes upward too much either. The picture mocks our religion. Having religious questions is fine, but this picture is just atheist.
It’s also been up there a long, long while.
LMFAO!!! Water, I need water… Classic, Vintage Hutzpah. This is the Chutpah that we all love and admire. All right, I’ll have a scotch, no ice. Single malt. GM, that doesn’t cover up the smell. You are diluting it but not good enough.
But on what basis is hutzpah claiming that I go to Prostitutes? When will she stop spreading lies, vile vicious lies about me. Does she perhaps have a Prostitute fantasy of her own?
Yes, I agree this is scary, but and I would love to ignore it , but first I like to give him a round of applause for having sex with his wife this morning and pray that he didn’t give her any diseases from the hookers. Let’s all open one of those little airline bottles of booze he loves in a big Toast to Jobber.
I do ignore hutzpah unless she has called me an asshole and such (see #27).
GM, good point, I was only trying to show how absurd it is to even think of drinking at work as was being told about me. I subsequently stated my normal drinking patterns, which as you can see are quite lame by any standard. A party animal I am not. But I do enjoy some wine and an occasional Rum, when I am in the Carribbean.
Jobber,
To cover up the alcohol smell, drink lots of water and chew gum. However, Muffti can’t help but be amused that fear of clients smelling your breath is the main thing that holds you back from drinking at work. Oh well. As for boozlicious, one post of a few drinks at a meeting that occurs extremely rarely (since the jewlicious team is scattered geographically) does not the boozlicious team make. Maybe Muffti has a shot of it, what with those black current mojitos.
This is a train wreck.
Chutzpah, you have now promised to ignore Jobber. Please keep the promise. Jobber, how about you ignore Chutzpah. You guys are scaring Jewish Mother.
Besides you people drink and glorify booze too much anyway. This thread reported on the meeting where you guys had Vodka on top of beers and more. Chasers they used to call it.
I only have a small amount of wine for my drink, maybe twice a week I will have a half glass or glass of wine. Wine has health qualities at least. All other booze has no redeeming health qualities. At least drink wines for crissakes.
Mommmmmmmyyyyy
and besides I am a consultant. If I were to be drunk at the clients, they would sue the consulting firm shithead that employes me. He in turn would sue me.
Unless you know how to transform the breath in such a way that there is no booze smell. I am seriously interested in marketing such a product, that i feel has buyer interest.
Maybe we could call it boozlicious?
Hutzpah please do not continue to lie.Your entire post #27 IS total lies.
Hot size 8 is correct and was in fact carnally very active very early this AM (1:38Am to be exact). So I am definetly glowing this morning.There is no hookers and have never been except during my early 20’s twice I did go to hookers yes when I was single. Once in Amsterdam red light district, and once in NYC. It kinda sucks that experience imo.
Moxie web site I have not been on since June, it is a boring dumb web site where she talks about her relationship w. some asshole Patrick, but don’t let me stop you. Go on and read about her need for ‘me time’. What would I know about ‘me time’ while raising 3 exemplary frum kids, who are all on top classes on their Yeshiva day schools.
Drinking at work? U must be insane, how am I to hide the smell? All Alchohol will be on your breath. If you can tell me how to hide the smell, then maybe I can market that product. Please respond off line.
Wanking in front of the kids, you have lost your mind completely. How do you make up such lies?
It is just my impression but your irrational outbursts not only to me, show that you are not past it. You call it hutzpah, but it is demonic at times.
Jobber Asshole, I am referring to your assine & false statements in post #05. To quote “Allow it. You allow it.” 1st, on a personal level, I am past my marriage and look back on only the good times and 2nd, trust me, no man ever laid a hand on me that I did want.
But you logic is so completed warped that I had to address it…are you saying the woman “triggers” abuse? What about child-abuse…do the children “allow it”?
And creep, your way of working out your “rough patch” is just WRONG! i.e. getting off on women’s writings on their blogs and then trying to communicate with them (yeah, go reread Moxie’s descriptions of how she gives great head another 100 times you wanker); drinking at work; wanking in front of the kids; hookers and G-d only knows what ever other SICKO things you do.
A divorce would be the best gift you could give your poor wife (you know, the hot size 8 who doesn’t ever want to have sex with you and seems to be in niddah 34 days out of the month).
This is the last time I will ever address your disgusting, loathsomes, CREEPY comments.
Maybe 50% have ‘rougher’ patches than the others?
Chutzpah, I don’t know about the case you are referring to, but in your case it is obvious that you are still ‘chained’ to that horrible situation, in so many ways.
In general, it serves no one any good to constantly blame others for their situation. Specifically in relationships, I do not think that something happens in a snap; there is usually some communication loss or process that triggers the events.
I am sure that in 99% of marriages, at some point the thought of divorce has occured to one or both of the parties, this is commonly called going thru a ‘rough patch’. How is it that some couples work out this rough patch and others do not (50%?).
Well, whacked, perhaps, but still cool. And she certainly does have, ahem, an abiding affection for the Jewish people. And a really sweet DVD of Basement Jaxx videos. Just bad decision-making skills.
But you and Manwhore shouldn’t fret too much. Just because my w(h)acky Jew-loving shiksa compatriot has removed herself from the picture doesn’t mean Tulane and New Orleans during Mardi Gras in general are lacking females.
Well, she sounds pretty whacked. But a bit more stable than Muffti’s usual…
Well…uh…funny thing about her…she…sort of descended into a haze of drinking and needing to be picked up from bars in bad neighborhoods at 4 in the morning and then made a sort of half-hearted suicide attempt the night before she was supposed to go home for the summer, wound up in the psych ward, and her parents withdrew her from Tulane to keep an eye on her and make sure she takes her pills and stuff.
Uhh…I have weird friends. I’ll miss her and her antics, though.
Michael, so long as this time the girl who wanted to meet the jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeews shows up, we’re all happy.
Muffti, my apartment is right across the street from the old dorm, and since it’s on the second floor it’s probably not even underwater. Nothing fancy, but so much more human than dorm life. Much more floorspace for man-whorin’ and gator-eatin’. And stuff.
Wow, this discussion is worse than the moron discussion.
So Jobber, hypothetically speaking, if a women is beaten by her husband on a daily basis, not in the context of consensual sexplay (S&M, Bondage, Dominance), but because she lacks physical strength over him or because he has financial control over her, that makes it her fault in allowing it? Is she no longer the victim in that situation? What are you saying dude? That wife-abuse and beaten-wife syndrome is the fault of woman?
Handcuffs anyone?
Mardi Gras will rock. This year we do it right. Where’s your apt, Michael? Manwhore jonathon sends his regards and pre-thanks you for the crash pad. We all gonna eat some ‘gator or what?