The Year in (Jewish) Fear
Yeah, sure, The Forward 50 presents us with an almost ho hum list of the 50 most important Jews in America. Most of the people on the list are undoubtedly important (Steven Spielberg #2, Lynn Schusterman, ), but perhaps a tad uninspired (Abraham Foxman, Philip Roth). Some of the choices are questionable (Matisyahu #5???) while others are interesting (Jessica Coen and Jesse Oxfeld of Gawker.com). I mean, the editors did an admirable job, but you know, important Jews? Yawn-o-ramma, no? Certainly from my perspective anyway. As a poster on a Jewish blog, every day, all I read about is important Jews.
But scary Jews! Now that’s something you don’t hear about every day. No reputable Jewish publication has undertaken a definitive compilation of the scariest Jews around. However, the November/December issue of Radar Magazine compiled a list of the year’s 371 most terrifying people, places and things and the Jews didn’t fare too badly.
Under the heading Formerly Scary, Now Sad, we have Leona Helmsley, Mike Ovitz, Peggy Siegal, Ron Perelman, Michael Eisner and Kabbalah. Under Formerly Scary, Now Soft we have Harvey Weinstein, while under Both Scary and Soft we have Ariel Sharon. Woody Allen is listed as the sole Jew under the Scary Parent category, testifying to Judaism’s (somewhat) continued respect for the institution of family. The category of Formerly Endearing, Now Scary includes the following Jews: Paula Abdul, Beck and the cast of Seinfeld. The aforementioned Gawker, considered by Forward to be “a pluckily legitimate voice in media criticism,” is listed by Radar under the category of Only Think They’re Scary, along with Mr. Burns (C’mon, he is SO Jewish) and Barry Diller.
Radar’s scary list also included the State of Florida (“361 days of sunshine, but it’s terrifying all year long”) and Hillary Clinton (“She could win the NASCAR Nextel Cup, legalize drunk driving, cure rickets and still not carry a single southern state. If she’s the best the Dems can do, we should skip the election and swear in Jeb.”). Neither of these are Jewish, but they are kinda Jew-ish and besides, if a previous Forward 50 list can include Madonna/Esther, then I can certainly include Hillary.
Uh… yeah. Sorry, I don’t know. This post seemed like a good idea. I think I was trying to show what bad asses Jews can be. Or something. How about you let us know who you think the scariest Jews are?