Amber and her $27,000 Bat Mitzvah OutfitThis aint no foolin’ around
Last Shabbos, the Riddinger mishpochah of Miami Beach, Florida celebrated the bas mitzvah of their lovely daughter Amber. Here at Jewlicious we wish Amber a hearty mazel tov and she should grow to be a true eishess chayil and bas yisroel. I mean, after the $500,000 simchah they threw for her, she better grow up to be like, the next messiah!

Or not. The party, whose theme was “Butterflies and Bling,” featured Amber’s $27,000 Dolce & Gabbana gown, 100,000 crystals and the launch of both Amber No. 13, the soft, sweet floral-scented perfume the teen created just for the occasion and Gossip, Amber’s new line of club clothing. Guests arrived in pink limos and were met by a pink carpet and a bevy of photographers and journalists. Amber’s Bat Mitzvah also included a live performance by guests Ashanti and Ja Rule. Other guests included rap label Inc. president Irv Gotti, Playboy Playmate-turned-actress Brande Roderick, Nicole Richie’s husband-to-be, DJ AM, and New York Mets catcher Mike Piazza and his model wife, Alicia Rickter.

Ja Rule, Ashanti and AmberPiazza looked around nervously and stated “I hope our daughter one day doesn’t expect something this big” while for rapper Ja Rule,

… it was his first bat mitzvah. “I’m Uncle Ja,” he said, with his arm wrapped around a beaming Amber. “I’m really here just to scare all the little boys, the little 13-year-old bad boys that try to hit on little Amber. That’s why I’m here.”

After the Bat Mitzvah, Ashanti, Ja Rule and Irv Gotti hightailed it to New York for the first day of Gotti’s money laundering trial. And what of little Amber? One would like to think that while opening her presents she maybe contemplated her parshat hashavuah, Lech Lecha, wherein Abraham, the future founder of Judaism, rejects his family’s practice of idol worship.

Yeah. Bar Mitzvah Disco‘s got nothing on these people.

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About the author

ck

Founder and Publisher of Jewlicious, David Abitbol lives in Jerusalem with his wife, newborn daughter and toddler son. Blogging as "ck" he's been blocked on twitter by the right and the left, so he's doing something right.

57 Comments

  • I think it’s cute how ck slips into Yiddish when discussing ostentatious displays of Jewish wealth. Probably a coincidence.; Or maybe that’s just the Hebrew he’s most comfortable with.

  • Damn! I was going to wear that dress to the Jewlicious at the Beach conference. And now, I’ll have to return it to D & G. Dangnabit, bat mitzvah girls ruin everything.

    And if you loved hearing about this ostentatiousness, you’ll love Super Sweet Sixteen, a VH1 show I’ve nicknamed “Semi-Sweet Sixteen,” because everyone on the show is a Veruca Salt-style brat, who wants an Oompa Loompa now, and if it’s not wearing Versace, you can send it back. This is a lovely culture.

  • Aw stop the whining already. These people work hard, make millions and want to give their child the best of everything.

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    😆

  • I didn’t think there were any White, spoiled, secular Ashkenazi mini-witch girls left like this in the world!!!!!

    yes – it is I Jsirp. Still dead. But I couldn’t take it. There she is – the every chick I’ve been writing about: Who for her bas mitzvah will most likely be giving head in the bathroom to snoop doggy dog or whatever his name is…oh yes, today I am a WOMYN!

    jsirp weeps at the future of this little chickie poo- it’s disgusting. Hmmm…well, let’s see…after I caught mommy shtupping the chaufeur in the garage I really had to up my prozac dosage quite a bit..but then I thought, well, at least I got a few POINTERS there from old Moms…with her freaking plastic surgery, new breasts, lips and boy was she goin at it….

    And I thought…hmmm…I can do that? So I just called snoopster and say…you know…I can do black!

    And then, when I turned 15…well, Paris and I really started to party…

    Of course for my Hebrew school convirmation I donated $27 to the poor of Israel…1 percent of 1 percent of the cost of my bar mitzvah bash…I love doing mitzvos!

  • Sadly, I have been embroiled in trying to find a new apartment (with no success), a full class schedule, and attempt (also with no success) to ascertain why Tulane is demanding that I, someone with an almost-full scholarship, pay a bill approaching twenty thousand dollars for a semester that did not, per se, occur. With all that, it’s hard to find time on Jewlicious for anything other than abusing ck. Which I can always make time for.

  • Michael: Every generation has a messiah, dumb ass. That’s like lesson aleph in Judaism 101 you addle minded bumpkin.

    gimpy: My Hebrew is quite good, todah rabah. I was attempting to riff off of OnlySimchas.com and truth be told, ubber Yekkie Rebeccah had to help me. She’s my vusvus coach.

  • What the hell is the point of that? Big ups to Hashem for making the universe the existential equivalent of one of those stuffed-animal-catching claw machines!

    “Oh! Hey! There he is! There’s the Messiah! Almost got ‘im…almost got ‘im…just a little bit more…HAHA! YOU DROPPED HIM! TRICKED YOU, SUCKERS! 50 CENTS FOR ROUND 2!”

  • Also, is the correct feminine plural of Yekke “Yekkette”? Because it really should be.

    And I can testify that, for all his other myriad failings, ck is indeed fluent in Hebrew. Which is why I made him go to the bank with me the day after he arrived.

  • I’m appalled. I can’t even come up with anything remotely clever/witty/comprehensible. I thought my students were appalling, but the irony of her portion combined with the excessive gobs of ….excess…..has my head reeling. Grrrrr.

  • ..
    Poor little rich girl Amber… Wonder what “Uncle Ja” and the rest of the crew.. were talking about on the way home?

    Is this REALLY the best the parents could provide…

    Surely some lessons in modesty would be appropriate?

    That dress? for a 13 year old? Makes poor little Amber look like Donnatella Versace !!!

    .and thats good parenting??? HELP US

  • if i ever grow up i want ck to peform at my barmitzvah with michael playing banjo.
    btw ck, you have not mentioned how much they have spent on the mechitzah???

    jsirpico! you are alive??? what happened? somebody discovered your online alter-ego? your wife or your rosh kolel? where is your blog man??????

  • I think the Riddinger family is a fine argument for the revival of universally-recognized herem. And I’m not even Orthodox.

  • alls i have to say is, you know your career’s on the ropes when you get asked to be someone’s bat mitzvah band…

    her parents are in internet marketing? i thought that bubble burst years ago!

  • Forgive me for asking, maybe I’m not up with the times (at least for Miami) but isn’t a Bat Mitzva at 12 years old?

  • ybocher – jsirp is dead. No – the wife liked it – that’s why she’s my wife…she gets me…

    on a “serious” note it was two things: 1) ALL YOU MEANIES ON JEWLICIOUS RAGGING ME OUT!!!, including Jobber that meanie so and so…. 2) It’s actually collosal waste of time – ON MY PART ON MY PART I’M NOT JUDGING, OKAY???? – and I kind of thought, well, is Jsirpicco actually ADDING anything to the world? (Even though he is ALWAYS RIGHT????) and I decided, well, no. And so he died.

    But I couldn’t resist when I saw this little Amber- white- chick- I- know- how- to- suck- dick- at- 12- cuz- my- ‘rents- is- rich- and- doin- it- too…

  • You are correct. However it shouldn’t come as a surprise that these Riddingers are ignorant of Jewish tradition. Otherwise they’d organize a modest and tasteful simcha, and preferably have her actually learn something about her portion and do a dvar Torah on it. But that’s just me.

    A thought: Maybe Amber wanted to wait a year until she was filled out enough to wear that $27,000 dress. But honestly I couldn’t care less. Hope you find a nice Jewish doctor or lawyer to spoil you, little corveh.

  • Oops! Jsirpicco posted as I was typing #23 above. The “You are correct” refers to Last Man Standing. Naturally, the “you” in my last sentence refers to Amber. The little corveh.

  • Wha–? #23 has now become #24 somehow. Freaky. Yes, well, off to get ready for Shabbat. (*Scurries off embarassedly*)

  • I take it Sirpico has started early w/ the Schnapps today?

    I think why journalists and such report on this type of shit, is that it induces feelings of jealousy and depression and then hatred of the people portrayed, this is turn keeps people interested in the crime trials and such that keeps these dopey journalists w/ a fat paycheck, thank you very much.

    So the audience is the ultimate buffoons. We are all morons.

  • jsipico! what do you talking about??? the world needs you! think about it – world needs you as much as it need jobber. and you should ask esther – the world needs balance in the force.
    help me obi j sirpicobi – you my only help!
    and if you dont want to comment on jewlicious ( i know you do – its just all about that check from the kolel, right?) then at least dont close your own blog.
    btw, your wife really doesnt mind your expilcit language? true eyshes chayil!

  • hey! i posted a very nice and insightful comment and … where is it?
    and btw it is already 3pm! tm where is the shabbes post, huh?

  • Now, while as a Jew who grew up poor, I find this utterly ridiculous, but its a little harsh to suggest a cherem for someone who blew too much money on a party. You feel me?
    But seriously, couldn’t they just give her a few hundred grand in tzedakah for the organization(s) of her choice?

  • I’m with middle on this one. I don’t know all the facts of this situation, but let’s give the benefit of the doubt and assume that she will be giving some of her present money to charity and that her parents give plenty of tzedaka. It is not right of anyone to assume that they don’t and frankly, it is none of anybody’s business. The rich have a halakic right to be rich and may be halackically prohibited from giving away more than 20% of their income. I don’t favor conspicous consumption and obnoxious over-indulgence like this; however, I strongly prefer it to not earning money and schnoring, taking govt. assistance for a living in the name of “learning”.

    Bat Mitzvah for Conservative, Reform and Secular Jews is age 13 for both boys and girls. That is their tradition, even if it’s not the Orthodox one.

    I lained a Haftorah in trup from the bema for my Bas Mitzvah at age 13 because that was the tradition in my Conservative Egalitarian Temple. It was a very joyous day for me and my friends and family that I will never forget. We had lots of disco, food and music in my family’s backyard. Part of my gift money went to the JNF to plant trees in Israel, a leaf was purchased on the tree of life at the shul in memory of my Grandfather as well. Anyone who wants to criticize that can kismir en tuchas.

    And why is not ok to spend on a bas mitzvah what many families in all circles of Judiasm might spend on a wedding? A girl’s coming of age is just as important a milestone in her life as her wedding…oh, I forgot, a woman is worth nothing unless she’s married in certain circles.

    However, I don’t think “coming of age” to be responsible to do mitvah’s is the same as “coming of age” to have sex and dress like an adult, it is sad that 13 year olds have been so sexualized. Similarly “the now I am a man speech” should really be reserved for a man whose been a contributing member of society for for at least 80 years, before that they are just boys.

  • A vast majority of bar/bat mitzvahs today clearly illustrate how terribly placed modern society’s prorities are. And they have without a doubt spoiled the sanctity of this “holy” celebration. Sure, a couple of thousand years ago when a person’s life expectancy was 30, 13 was when one became a man (and it wasn’t until the 70’s when girls finally got there chance to become women. Does this mean everyone prior who married a female was a pedophile? I digress…). If this truly is a “coming of age”, I say the bar/bat be held off til say…23…if not later.

  • May get a zetz en mein tuches for posting on Shabbats, but surfing is rest for me. Chutzpah said it so beautifully, that I pulled out my 16 year old daughter’s bat mitzvah album and indulged in some kvelling. It was the proudest day of my life 3 years ago when I watched my daughter lead a good chunk of services on Shabbat Shavout in addition to chanting a Torah portion & Haftorah. It was followed by a buffet luncheon and DJ at a local gallery space. No question about it that Amber’s bling-out is a total gross-out and that she stands a better than average chance of a nasty heroin habit in her near future (anyone still do heroin? Is smack back?), but to get back to Chutzpah’s comment, it seems a no more or less bleak future than that of a Chasidic teen girl who’s future probably holds a wig, a uterus which gives out from exhaustion by the time she’s 35, and waving a Medicaid card at medical office receptionists demanding immediate attention to 4 of her 9 runny-nosed offspring. If you have to stand in the road, the middle is the safest place to be.

    On a totally separate topic, how come no poster or commenter has ever mentioned Reconstrutionist Judaism? I assume it would be help up to the same ridicule as Reform, but even ridicule would be preferable to making out it doesn’t exist.

  • heroin is not for rich girls. cocaine is much more fashion forward. while i, too, am grossed out by this girl and her parents, i’m also grossed out by those of you who graphically describe the sexual degredation you assume this girl subjects herself to and your assumptions that she does drugs. have a little respect. those statements reflect badly on you, not on the girl. she may be a demonic spoiled jap right now, but maybe she’ll grow out of it. and maybe she won’t, and instead will produce more demonic brats, but that’s life.

  • Rich JAPs aren’t cool enough for heroin. Heroin is, like, for tortured artistes and working class rejects whose drug-addled musings and dismal existences make for the kind of modern art that inspires 1 in 3 college kids to put a “choose life” poster in their dorm room. Cocaine is the drug of choice for the Modern American Jewess. The “Coke and Diet Coke” diet is popular among the Tulane JAPs trying to lose enough beer weight to fit into this season’s ruffled miniskirts.

  • well, michael, i can’t tell if you’re agreeing with me or ridiculing me, but you lost me on the inspiring college kids to put choose life posters up. are we talking anti suicide or anti abortion?

  • Oh, I’m agreeing. But I was making an admittedly oblique reference to Trainspotting, which begins with Ewan McGregor saying, “Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life.”

    It’s a very popular poster. Of course, it doesn’t include the next lines:

    “But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life. I chose something else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you’ve got heroin?”

  • of course. now i feel so unhip. ashanti and ja rule are not so, like, yesterday, they are so, like, two years ago. and esther, my super sweet 16 is on mtv, not vh1. but i can understand your not wanting anyone to know you watch mtv.

  • but you have to wonder why these people have such little regard for money like that to have to throw huge sums on a party. Is it a syntom of some greater illness that they have? either phsychological or moral? It is not new at all, this thing. I believe it is mostly the non Orthodox who would so something so insane. I think even wealthy Orthodox keep the party w/ in the bounds of what they go to at middle class events.

    It is possible that depending on what the parents business is, that they use the event as a business networking type of venture, so that would make it all right to some extent, that there is a return on the outlay.

  • Ofri, the only reference to hard drugs seems to have come from the guy who called Palestinian children “vermin.” That would be Jobber. By this point, you should know that it’s rare that people here see eye to eye with Jobber.

    As for Jsirpicco, his character is a parody and also has to be taken with a grain of salt.

    But I agree that it’s not fair or kind to attribute drug-taking or sexual activity to Amber. For all we know, in fact, despite the tastelessness of this type of party, her parents might be great benefactors to numerous charities and may be educating her to be no less generous.

    Here’s what the parents do, by the way. It’s not selling drugs, that’s for sure.
    http://www.rickross.com/reference/general/general631.html

    Here’s their company. Jobber, you might consider them a vehicle for making some extra cash…

    http://www.marketamerica.com/index.cfm

  • Um, it’s not about your Hebrew, ck; it’s about your linking antisemitic stereotypes with Yiddish. (See also the post about Ashkenazi JAPs.) Anyone who thinks there is anything particularly Ashkenazi about this sort of thing has never been to a Syrian do…

  • true. the style of her dress is what many in israel would call aravi, and not in a good way.

  • Jsirp is not a parady! Anyway, he’s dead. Sorry for gilguling on an old post! Good bye! No, don’t try to beg me or even ask me to come back.
    He’s dead.

  • It’s really a shame that this poor little girl has to work so hard on her special day. I mean, it’s her Bat Mitzvah and she’s out hawking her perfume and clothing line? I wish her parents would’ve given her a break, let her just do the damn haftorah & then went to the social hall for overcooked kugel (and pizza bagels for the kids). What kind of horrible world has this become?

  • Midboy- I’m not ‘lurking’ and I ain’t no drama queen. I’m dead! And you can’t make me come back. Me “feelings” were hurt. Plus blah blah blah.

    I know Jewlicious has been oh so much more boring w/out moi…I know this. Well, that’s what you get for not renewing contract and upping the stipend, duh!

  • I agree that jealousy and anger motivate people to acuse Amber of drug use and sexual activity, and that’s not very fair. She can’t help the family she was born into any more than a poor Jewish girl who only wishes she could have her favorite artist perform at her bat mitzvah while wearing an expensive gown that makes her feel like Cinderella. It’s time to stop hating and buying into this journalism designed to draw controversy where they needn’t be any. Families like this exist, they are not rampant. Get over it.

  • Middle, I was referring there to the terrorists and the people who support the terrorists, specifically the supporters of suicide bombers.

    The drugs thing here was a joke dude, you think I am so unsophisticated? How wrong you are lol.

  • Attn: hmmm
    thanx for your response on the why they waited till 13 for Amber. Its amazing what a year (or alittle silicone) will do.

  • Most Expensive Batmitzvah. Ever.

    Do you remember the Riddinger family? They recently spent $500,000 (!) on the bat mitzvah of their daughter Amber, money that bought them, amongst other things, musical performances by the likes of Ja Rule, Ashanti, Marques Houston and Omarion.
     …

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