What’s in a name? Lots. So much depends upon the collection of letters that you append to a child for the rest of his or her life. Every person has a name that his parents give to him. (Shakespeare, William Carlos Williams and Zelda in one post…nice, huh?)

In the event that after reading Laya’s post from yesterday you still somehow decide to go ahead and procreate, you’ll be glad to know that a group of Israeli rabbis have put together a list of names that you should never name your child (reported in Newsday).

Uttering the name Ariel is problematic because it could beckon an angel namesake instead, drawing down his wrath, they caution. Omri — the name of an evil biblical king — should be taboo because of the highly negative connotation. And naming children after dismantled Gaza settlements, like Katif, is another bad idea, they say, because of the controversy involved, they say. Jewish settlers, predominantly religious unsuccessfully opposed the withdrawal.

(UPDATE, NOVEMBER 10: Reports of this list are greatly exaggerated; however, Omri is still forbidden. Props to PurimHero for pointing it out.)

The worst of the bans? “Israel’s Interior Ministry has barred the names God, Hitler and Bin Laden from being registered in its population files, said Sabine Haddad, a spokeswoman for the Census Bureau.”

I couldn’t find the list of “forbidden names” on the website because the Hebrew font made my eyes hurt. But maybe someone who speaks Hebrew more regularly than I can find it for us. In the interim, here’s your consolation prize, a list of names and what they mean (in Hebrew).

Plus, your scrolling bonus for all you single guys and gals. Eager to have yourself a little pisher? You’ll need a sperm donor egg donor soulmate first, so stop by their site to pray for your perfect woman or perfect man.

Meantime, I’m bummed. I was really looking forward to naming my children Sichon, Og, Rachab and Ketura. Either that, or Doodoo, Osnat, Peeknee and Yurine. Why not Kedarlaomer? Because I couldn’t saddle even a theoretical child with Kedarlaomer Kustanowitz. Even with the mellifluous appeal of alliteration, that’s just not fair.

About the author

Esther Kustanowitz

For more posts by Esther, see EstherK.com, MyUrbanKvetch.com and JDatersAnonymous.com.

Loading comments...