Are these two like... fuckin each other? Gross!
International Marketing geniuses Judith Weinroth and her “associate” Jerry Maser. G0d help us, we’re really fucked now.

Being single is hard. And we need to make more Jewish fricken babies in order to replenish lost Members of the Tribe…that’s a huge burden. How could we streamline our process, make it more efficient, and help to bolster the Jewish birthrate? If only we could harness the power of the internet and employ some sort of marketing technique to attract single Jews…then we’d have something to talk abooot…

The Canadian Jewish News reports that they’ve found a dynamic duo who think they have the answer.

What it will take, they say, is the application of contemporary marketing techniques to grab the attention of single Jews. It starts with a mass media campaign in the mainstream press to attract Jewish singles to an interactive website. The site will gather data regarding the activities that interest the people who visit, then a group of professionals and volunteers will organize the social occasions that will bring together singles in a non-threatening atmosphere in which dating is not, repeat, not the prime focus.

Sounds like MySpace or Friendster gone shtetl-fabulous to me…Non-threatening events? How is that possible? And in what kind of young professionals organization isn’t dating a prime if not the prime focus? What are they talking abooot?

Ultimately, their “Jewish Singles World” is a form of community-building, they say, with the idea that if you bring together single Jews with similar interests, dating and romance will flow naturally and a hoped-for population boom will transpire.

Not to be a naysaying Naomi, but isn’t this what every organization attempts with its events, to create singles events that don’t feel like singles events, that unite people through their interests or activities or surrounding some sort of holiday celebration?

As they say in hockey, if you don’t shoot you can’t score, and likewise with the program envisioned by the two, if you don’t bring Jews together, you won’t get the next generation of Jews.

And there’s nothing like a hockey analogy to unite Canadian men Jewish singles everywhere…

They have a plan and a projected budget ($300,000) and have received endorsements from Conservative and Reform rabbis groups, and Kolel, an adult Jewish learning organization. In case you’re wondering, $300K would cover buying media placements, operating the website, renting venues, hiring staff and operating Jewish Singles World in a professional manner.

Jewish Singles World. A world of only Jewish singles. I keep hearing an enthsiastic announcer talking about JSW’s seasonal specials (“Now, at Jewish Singles World, our holiday specials–50 percent off everyone named David! Plus, don’t forget to check out our closeout bargain basement center, where Rachels are one dime for a full dozen!”)

Seriously, I’d like to know if these guys discover “the secret” that every singles service or site has tried to elicit from the universe since dating time immemorial. And if they ever actually do get a $300K grant, I have to admit, I might be interested in a job.

But while Canada’s weighing in, what do you think, America? And what about you, Yisrael? Other countries think you can take us on, feel free to Bring It. Because if you truly DO have the answer, singles want to hear it. But if it’s still the same mindless, irrelevant, half-tushied approach writ $300K-large, well, we’re probably better off spending that money elsewhere. Like on a Jewish Singles Column Laureate. Or something.

About the author

Esther Kustanowitz

For more posts by Esther, see EstherK.com, MyUrbanKvetch.com and JDatersAnonymous.com.

33 Comments

  • Hmm, if I marry a Jewish girl, our kids will be Jewish, won’t they? Doesn’t Jewishness pass through the female line? If so, I’m more than willing to contribute to the growth of the Jewish tribe . . .

  • Holy crap. Luckily I read the article before commenting. No one’s given them $300,000. They want $300,000. Basically, they’d like to create a friendster or myspace for Jews. Well… it’s been done ie http://www.chosennet.com or http://www.jmatch.com for dating. And anyone out there who has the same bright idea, let me know. We can build a replica of friendster or myspace for say… $10,000. Less probably. The other $290,000 can be spent on uh… big ass cushy salaries for cash grabbing, self-styled experts in International marketing. This article has got to be someone’s idea of a joke. It is clearly impossible to “grab the attention of today’s media-savvy [Jewish] singles.” That’s why no one reads this stupid blog. media-savvy Jewish singles have better things to do than build virtual communities and thinly veiled glorified booty calls. Anyone who gives these people $300,000 is an idiot – which probably means the cheque from Toronto Jewish Federation is already on its way.

  • Lysistrata, baby, Lysistrata. We need a strike.

    It is not at all hard for young Jews to hang around with other young Jews. What is hard is for the ones who are really ready to do business to find others who are also really ready to do business, ready to sign on the dotted line no kidding. Bothering with the others is a waste of time.

    Serious talks, everything else walks, to paraphrase an old saying.

    Dating is horrible. Meeting people in older people’s living rooms is the way. Or at work. Or in a course.

    People are not toys. Having fun is the enemy. Having an interesting experience is the enemy.

    Oh, and people are not measured by the yard, so don’t worry about who is tall. It’s the student loans. It’s the expectation of living richly. It’s impressing the parents and friends.

    “It’s my happiness and we are going to live simply and marry simply. Yes, I’m pregnant. I’m going to be covered in lace and adorable at the shul in three weeks, with lunch, a whole lot of cheap wine, and canned music. Are you coming? We are strong, the way grandma was, the way you were. It’s going to be FINE. Stop crying. We will have a live web-cam for people who can’t make it to the wedding. I am going to have a long TRAIN. I will probably stay home for a while so he can work late without having to do anything or worry about the laundry, just focus on business. I am SO HAPPY. I am not throwing up. No, I won’t drink at the wedding. No, I don’t need massages or fancy sheets. I just need you to be happy for me and not get all freaky. MOM. He is very nice. It’s going to work out. And don’t worry about the separate seating. Gee whiz, Ma, calm down. I have bought a gorgeous antique dress, and the tailor at the cleaner’s is altering it for me. I bought yards of lace at the fabric store. You can help with the flowers if you want. I love you. I’m tired. Let’s talk later.”

  • Shtreimel, can we have the area around Florence?

    ck,

    Holy crap. Luckily I read the article before commenting. No one’s given them $300,000. They want $300,000. Basically, they’d like to create a friendster or myspace for Jews. Well… it’s been done ie http://www.chosennet.com or http://www.jmatch.com for dating. And anyone out there who has the same bright idea, let me know. We can build a replica of friendster or myspace for say… $10,000. Less probably. The other $290,000 can be spent on uh… big ass cushy salaries for cash grabbing, self-styled experts in International marketing. This article has got to be someone’s idea of a joke. It is clearly impossible to “grab the attention of today’s media-savvy [Jewish] singles.” That’s why no one reads this stupid blog. media-savvy Jewish singles have better things to do than build virtual communities and thinly veiled glorified booty calls. Anyone who gives these people $300,000 is an idiot – which probably means the cheque from Toronto Jewish Federation is already on its way.

    Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha!! 😆

  • “Dad. Mom. I’m getting married. No not her. Rachel. She’s wonderful. It’s going to be great. No. Nothing fancy. At the shul near me. In three weeks. Very simple. We think that’s best. She’s pregnant. Listen. I LOVE her. It’s going to be OK. Really. She’s cute as a button and I love her. She is very smart. I’m doing well. MOM! Her parents are nice. Work is great. It’s going to be great. Right. At the shul. I’ll email details. I love you. My other phone is ringing, it might be a deal I’m doing. Love you. Later. Later. Love you.”

  • As a nice Canadian Jewish girl who is becoming increasingly of the opinion that maybe we really are a nation of self-haters, I have to say at least their hearts are in the right place. Though I do also wonder why they would use the internet as the forum for all this wacky marketing after denigrating our generation’s dependence on “flickering screens” as oppposed to face to face interaction….Maybe they’ll plan some media-savvy, hiking-through-the-snow/skating outing. We all know how those types of events draw the hotties.

  • Hotties look nice but for real reproductive vigor the ordinary human being is best. The word hottie itself may be tinged with the self-hating you so intelligently reference. Just saying.

  • “Mom, Jewish Mother is posting mystifying stream of consciousness rambles again. No, mom. I can’t understand them. MOM. Please. It’s like an internal self-dialogue that requires no outside stimulus to provoke. I don’t get it either. I think she read an article about student loans or something. Yeah, yeah, okay. Later. Love you. Bye.”

  • JM, Hottie is just part of the urban culture that the suburbanites embraced back around the early 90’s. I was surprised by this development myself.

    Altho you could argue that it is part of globalization.

  • Once again, thanks for saying what we’re all thinking. And thanks for making me laugh… although I can’t possibly laugh harder than I did when I read the article in the CJN… Read along with Apu, everbody: “a giant organization with nothing but Jewish Singles? Such a thing has never been done!”

  • 50 percent off Davids and Rachels a dime a dozen? And me and my brother David STILL can’t find our nice jewish sig. other?? People- we are a *!&&^ metziye (bargain). Come on down already, and call when you say you will. Gevalt!

  • Our creepiest member, c klein, the fashion person, has done us in, by infecting our brains with a standard of beauty not our own. We cannot find ourselves attractive now. For the simple reason that we are us.

    If we have been done in by one marketer, can we be saved by another marketer, this one not infected by racial self-hatred?

    (Remember: bird never make nest in bare tree.)

  • It seems to work naturally tho JM. Problems you have are when people go out of the mainstream for awhile, off the deep end or whatever, then want to swim back.

    Umakes your bed.

  • Wow, great idea! We should create Canadian Jewish News Dating! We can call it CJNDating.com! It should have many profiles, a search engine, and video chat.

    Wait a sec- we have created it…

    If Judith Weinroth and her associate Jerry Maser turn the page…What will they find? http://www.cjndating.com – The dating site JMatch operates on behalf of the Canadian Jewish News. There is a half page ad promoting it in every issue for the past year…CJNDating is responsible for many matches, and already has over 10,000 users in Toronto alone…

    However we will be glad to help! $300,000 will buy 30,000 premium dating memberships for the community…

    We will help in any case 🙂

  • Jewess is such a gross word.

    She is attractive and brainy, however, and definitely needs to flee Windsor. Muffti, dude, you there?

  • I don’t mind Jewess, with its kitschy overtones. Just don’t call me a yidene, or we’re going to have a problem (FYI: Yidene is NOT the generic term for female Jew in yiddish.)

  • Rokhl! Interesting article – You’re like a secular Hassid! And I find nothing wrong with the term Jewess, or Jew. Or for that matter Yiddle! Or Yiddo, or Yidette. It’s all good. Fuck the haters.

  • i hate the term “jewess” as well. very much. i’ve even thought about why i hate it and have come up with nothing. it just offends me.

  • (If Streimel plays guitar and has a Henna Flower, and Grandmuffti plays guitar and may want to meet one, maybe Streimel’s HF has a woman friend of similar tastes who might be interested in meeting GM. Oh who knows. The next midnight frolic could be called Henna Flower, with everybody female in red, or a little bit in red; I could see Esther with a beautiful red flower in her hair.)

  • The gorgeous science woman in the linked article has had every single tooth bonded, the clever girl. She has had her makeup done by a skilled professional, the genius. Her hair is seriously well done, and so are her clothes. Best of all is the absence of jewelry. The kid has real focus, to get all that stuff done. It takes time and money, and you have to be bothered. Good going. Her features are quite OK, but without all that effort she could easily look terrible. Hard work gets results, fellas and girls.

  • Um, thanks for the props, CK. I prefer to think that Hasids see themselves as religious Rootless Cosmopolitans. You know, like the ones that I would see one night at Luxx and then the next night at the Yiddish theater. And the next day propositioning me for sex from their car as I walked to the subway (yes, I used to live in the East Williamsburg Industrial Park. And yes, I got the hell out of there as soon as I could…)

  • No dude, I meant that I like that voice. It’s fresh and interesting, in contrast with, say, my tired and boring voice.

    Besides, send me an email sometime. You leave for Israel and next thing I know you don’t write, you don’t call, and all you do is post pix of you going all over the place having fun.

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