…sing it with me, kids. That’s right. Chanukah, or Hanukkah, or Channuka, or Hanuka, or whatever the frickin’ thing is called, is coming up, which means it’s that time of year. Time for Adam Sandler’s Chanukah song to have yet another list of people who are Jewish, just like you and me.

This year we had Garden State, with our mensch Zach Braff…
When we see that dude on Scrubs, we all just have to laugh.
Scarlett Johanssen, she used to be jailbait;
but now she’s turned legal, so Jewish boys don’t have to wait.
David Krumholtz is Jewish, that is plain to see…
It’s no surprise his admirer is Jewess Annabel Lee.
Natalie’s our princess, Amidala from Naboo,
If we had to look her up, we’d find her on Jewhoo.
Entourage is a favorite show with celebrities who pout;
But we love Jeremy Piven, who always “hugs it out.”
Sarah Jessica’s half-Jewish; Matthew Broderick’s half too…
Their son’s room has a mezuzah, because he’s a little Jew.

People, that’s all I’ve got now. It’s late. But I had to get it out of my system. More verses, undoubtedly, to come.

And now, girls jumping on trampolines the requisite Chanukah animated card/song parody that should be cleverer than it is.

About the author

Esther Kustanowitz

For more posts by Esther, see EstherK.com, MyUrbanKvetch.com and JDatersAnonymous.com.

6 Comments

  • Funniest scene in Garden State is when Natalie’s character claims not to know exactly what Yom Kippur is. Anyone who knows who Natalie is can’t help but laugh out loud at this.

    Yehuda

  • What’s this half Jewish crap? Sarah Jessica and Matthew Broderick are only members of the tribe if their mom is. I can’t stand that viewpoint. My father is Irish Catholic but my mother is an Ashkenazi Jew. I am not half Catholic. Your religion is a belief not a race. Sammy Davis Jr? Remember? I also want to let all you pork eating, Christmas celebrating, Jerry Seinfeld watching, Democratic “misplaced Jews” to know that its time to be proud of your Judaism. I wish that Jews in Hollywood would not marry outside of our faith. Its embarrasing. Ben Stiller? Michael Landon?- (a.k.a. Ugene Horowitz) Yasmine Bleeth? Jews who watch Seinfeld should have their head examined. Jerry went Budhist on us. Jason Alexander is an Arab supporter. Julia-louis whatever is Itailian. Pathetic. Schickzas are only for practice. If you marry one your child will suffer spiritually. My mother messed up our blood lines. I had to go through hell and back to get my roots. She is a Jew but you should be equally yoked. It makes a difference. If you don’t love Jesus than stay away from hot blondes. I have been their and done that!!!!Hashem loves you!!!! Would you die for the Torah? I would!!!! G-d is good! Good is G-d!!!! I’m out. yep, i am done talking, wait a minute! I am a Jew! I can’t keep my mouth shut!!! jk bye

  • Well, for the record, Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick are Jews halachically (their mothers were Jewish). So as for the half-Jewish crap, yeah, it’s just crap, they’re full Jews. And I can’t stand the half-Jew crap either, you either are or aren’t (funny I don’t see people call themselves half-Catholic, half-Protestant (although you’ll probably never see such a marriage in a million years)).

  • “So as for the half-Jewish crap, yeah, it’s just crap, they’re full Jews. And I can’t stand the half-Jew crap either, you either are or aren’t (funny I don’t see people call themselves half-Catholic, half-Protestant (although you’ll probably never see such a marriage in a million years)).”

    Nonsense — being Jewish isn’t just a matter of religion. There are literally millions of people who are of Jewish ancestry but who are total unbelievers, or Buddhists (Bu-Jews) etc.

    Anyway, Jews don’t have the final word on ancestry.

  • Sarah Jessica Parker’s mother wasn’t Jewish. Sarah’s father was. Matthew’s mother was Jewish, yes.

    My favorite is Logan Lerman, who is 100% Jewish.

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