dress his ass up
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“Jewish mirror on the wall…who’s the most famous Jew of all?” (I beg of you, please don’t say “Madonna…”)

That’s right, most famous Jew ever is December’s all-star birthday kid himself: Jesus H. Bartholomew Christ. Cheeses Jesus of Nazareth. Jesus is literally our homeboy. (If he ever came back and expressed regret over not having had a bar mitzvah at the kotel, I’m certain Jewlicious and American Apparel would be there immediately with a bottle of arak and a box of rugelach; Mobius would create a video, and we could all be there via Rabbi Yonah’s podcasts.)

But here’s the bummer…not only was Jesus omitted from “So Jewtastic” (the second most glaring omission next to Jon Stewart), but most people don’t even think of him as a Jew! Was that a PR campaign gone wrong, or what…you know, maybe it’s time to reclaim the Immaculately conceived carpenter/rabbi as a full-fledged member of the tribe.

Whaddya know…in today’s JPost, Shmuley Boteach finds it puzzling that Jews “accept a Christian version of one of their brethren rather than seeking to discover the man entombed beneath the myth.” (Entombed. A nice — and perhaps unintentional — slam against those who believe that J-dawg was resurrected from within his tomb.)

The transformation of Jesus from lover of Israel to a sworn enemy of the Jewish people, with John 8 quoting Jesus as berating the Jews as children of Satan who are condemned to damnation in hell, is a contemptible act of character manipulation that led to 2,000 tragic years of Christian anti-Judaism.

Restoring Jesus to his Jewish roots, by contrast, could usher in a new era of Jewish-Christian rapprochement. Jews and Christians may not meet through the same religion. But for the first time in two millennia they can forge a bond of kinship using the personality of Jesus of Nazareth as a bridge, even as they continue to understand him in completely different ways.

If it’s okay with all of you, I’m going to refer to this project–the one SB’s proposing, restoring Jesus to his Jewish roots and re-educating Christians as to their Savior’s true religious affiliation–as Birthright Jesus.

So, give your non-Jewish friends the gift of Birthright Jesus–because there’s no gift that says Christmas more than a reappropriation by Jews of Christianity’s central figure.

Post-script: Speaking of Jesus’s birthday, I think we also all need to ask ourselves, if he had been born in the modern era: WWJW (What would Jesus Wishlist)? Miracles for Dummies? Podcasting equipment? Books by Dr. Phil?

About the author

Esther Kustanowitz

For more posts by Esther, see EstherK.com, MyUrbanKvetch.com and JDatersAnonymous.com.

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