Driving Instructor: You have your ID?
Me: Yes, here.
Him: :::gets in car says something I don’t understand in Hebrew:::
Me: Ani mitztaeret, aval efshar b’anglit?
Him: Yes, ok, pull out and continue straight.
Me: :::driving with the grace only gleaned from 10 years of driving experience:::
Him: Turn right, here.
Me: :::Making a perfectly arched right hand turn, blinker and everything:::
Him: :::Humming some song, loudly::: Ok, turn left, here.
Me: :::Score! No parallel parking? No 3 point turn? Turns left with the greatest of ease:::
Him: :::singing something::: Ok, turn left, here.
Me: :::approaching a kikar, those circle things that function as streetlights in some places, thinking, why the f is he telling me to turn left here? You *can’t* turn left here, you have to go around the circle and then turn left, so I hesitate:::
Him: Turn left, HERE!
Me: :::Hesitantly, turning left, the wrong way:::
Him: What are you doing?! I said turn left here! :::Turns the wheel:::
Me: I know but you said turn left here, and even though I know you can’t do that you said ‘HERE’ so I just did what you told me to do! I thought you would have said, ‘after the bend turn left’ – I didn’t understand what you meant!
Him: :::Making big loud ‘X’s on every document on his clipboard::: This is very serious.
Me: I just didn’t understand what you meant. I’ve been driving for 10 years. I’ve driven in Arad where all they have are these kind of rotary things. I know you have to turn right on them, that’s why I hesitated, but you yelled ‘TURN LEFT HERE’ at me, emphasizing ‘here’!
…
So, just cause of that, it’s over?
Him: I am not saying anything.

I failed to mention, the test was at 7am and I was working on less than 3 hours of sleep since I had a Bar Mitzvah in Be’er Sheva the night before. So naturally, I was incredibly overtired. After a 3 day marathon of unpleasant encounters, this tipped me over the edge and I needed a little sympathy. Waiting for the bus to go to school, I called mi madre. In tears. Got on the bus which was packed and had to stand near the front. Talking at a normal tone, and some strange guy points to a sign that has a cellphone circled with a line through it and makes a huffy face. I respond with a ‘ma echpat lecha’ look. Then, he starts yelling at the top of his lungs for me to go to hell and that I should fuck myself, then opens his mouth and wags his tongue at me. And all of this before 8am. Some days here are just incredibly exhausting…

About the author

alli

2 Comments

  • This is EXACTLY how I failed my driving test here in Quebec. I thought my instructor had told me to turn left 3 lights up (as if you can remember how many lights it’s been when you’re nervous). I misinterpreted what he said and after what seemed like 3 (but had only been 2), I told him that I couldn’t turn left because it was a one-way road. He yelled for me to turn at the next light, and that “you will turn when I TELL you to turn!”. Needless to say, test was over before it began…

Leave a Comment