How well do you know Israeli news? Here’s a brief quiz:

According to an Israeli Kabbalah sage, the recent cases of avian flu in Israel were caused by:

a) Women seductresses trying to gain equal access to the Kotel plaza entrance by flashing naked bits of ankle and wrist

b) Left-leaning political parties aiming to legalize homosexuality by using ads depicting girl-on-girl action

c) The plummeting overseas sales of Kabbalah water

d) The discussion of whether or not to proclaim blonde lobsters kosher

e) Matisyahu’s decision to pursue more professional management

f) A Tel Aviv woman’s recent marriage to a dolphin

Tough choice, I know. In this case, we’re talking b.

“The Bible says that God punishes depravity first through plagues against animals and then in people,” Rabbi Basri said in a religious edict quoted by his son.

Rabbi Basri said he hoped the deaths of hundreds of thousands of turkeys and chickens would help atone for what he called the sins of left-wing Israeli political parties, the son, Rabbi Yitzhak Basri, said, a week before a national election.

The bird flu outbreak stemmed from far-left political parties “strengthening and encouraging homosexuality,” Rabbi Basri’s son quoted him as saying.

One of the parties aired an election commercial depicting two brides kissing. Some campaign advertisements also called for homosexual marriages to be legalised in Israel.

(From the volume of this objection, one can only assume that the girls in the election commercial were not hot.)

More Israeli News Quizzes (undoubtedly) to come. I only wish they were more challenging, since the party to blame always seems to be either women or homosexuals.

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Esther Kustanowitz

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