…Saudi Arabia is publicly telling you to stop masturbating over the Qu’ran and the Kalashnikov and start acting like a real government, working towards the benefit of your electorate by recognizing Israel.

Egypt and Saudi Arabia are pressing Hamas to adopt the Arab League declaration passed in Beirut in 2002. The declaration includes recognition of the 1967 borders and a just solution to the refugee problem. Meanwhile, Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak wants to arrange a meeting between interim Prime Minister Ehud Olmert and Palestinian Authority Chairman Mahmoud Abbas (Abu Mazen). Mubarak would like the meeting to take place when Olmert arrives in Egypt for a visit.

For those of you who have trouble detecting irony, Saudi Arabia telling Hamas to cool down a little from the slavering Islamic fundamentalism and stop acting like a bunch of terrorist assholes is like Father Paul Shanley telling Michael Jackson to stop molesting so many children. When a state’s raison d’être is the universal promulgation of a brand of Islam so narrow, reactionary and violent that it makes Muhammad’s ditch full of the severed heads of the Banu Qurayza look like enlightened ecumenism, and that same state is telling you to get used to the filthy kuffar already, it might be time for some serious self-reflection.

Of course, it won’t change anything. You can’t ask the insane to be rational. Kind words won’t make a schizophrenic stop thinking Jesus is giving him messages in his tapioca. Governments made up of leprechauns who think chicks dig flaming red beards dyed with henna are not open to reasonable suggestions. In fact, it seems that trying to coerce a person or entity to give up their utter insanity only causes them to retreat deeper into it. If Saudi Arabia shies away from blatant approval of Jew-killing, suicide bombing, historical revisionism and Holocaust denial, Hamas ministers will move on and fund their Mercedes, European vacations, spacious villas, bomb belts and smuggled caches of weaponry with the ample dollars of their new, similarly batshit pals in Iran – even if they are Shi’ite infidels and will be next once Allah rids the world of the Jews.

Either that, or the Palestinians will stop letting themselves be governed by autocratic kleptomaniacs with no regard for the people’s wellbeing, or by fundamentalist religious kleptomaniacs with no regard for the people’s wellbeing. Which is about as likely as a Kangol-sporting Will Smith getting a private tour of the Kotel by its chief rabbi.

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michael

6 Comments

  • Michael, in regards to your comment
    Saudi Arabia telling Hamas to cool down a little from the slavering Islamic fundamentalism and stop acting like a bunch of terrorist assholes is like Father Paul Shanley telling Michael Jackson to stop molesting so many children.

    You win. I almost laughed apple juice through my nostrils.

    Gut shabbos player.

  • Your jaded, angsty sarcasm with a splash of vulgarity is just incredible. If Cyrano de Bergerac had been a pissed-off punk, he would have still had to look up to you.

  • Michael, hadn’t considered the Saudi-Fr. Shanley parallel. Nice work. And keep up the vulgarity.

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