The US Constitution was created of the people, by the people and for the people. In that way, this new site is exactly like the Constitution–if you take away the word “people” and substitute the word “JAP.”

Welcome to RATETHEJAP.com, a site that calls itself “the official website for Jewish American Princesses.” Here, you (the theoretical you, not YOU) can celebrate your fashion-and-money-centric lifestyle and rate the profiles of other Jewish women on how JAPpy they are.
The woman who created the site is prepared for the inevitable backlash: “Those who bash J.A.P’s probably couldn’t even tell a fake Louie Vuitton bag from a real one,” she says, “so who cares what they think. [I couldn’t tell a fake from a real one, but I do know that it’s spelled “Louis.” Louie is the guy who fixes the brakes on your car or gives you a pickle from a barrel at a shop on the Lower East Side.]

How to know if you belong on this site? “If you are proud to be a Jewish American princess or just emulate to be like one, create a profile to flaunt your Jappiness. Remember, if G-d didn’t want us to look down on people he wouldn’t of created high heels.To recap:

1) JAP bashers (not clear if this is someone who hates the JAPs themselves or the term JAP itself) have no fashion sense.

2) You can “emulate to be like” a JAP. (My fingers hurt typing that.)

3) Enough fear of G-d to include the dash instead of an “o”–but not enough to hold her back from celebrating a negative stereotype.

4) G-d, after creating the world and everything in it, created high heels.

5) She knows what G-d “would of” or “would of not” created. Ouch, again.

Let the comments begin…

About the author

Esther Kustanowitz

For more posts by Esther, see EstherK.com, MyUrbanKvetch.com and JDatersAnonymous.com.

15 Comments

  • I’m guessing that putting all that brain power into shoes and purses doesn’t leave much available for trivialities like spelling and proper English.

  • I remember the old days when the JAPs were brainy as well as fashion forward and snotty. Oh yeah, they also knew where to buy great clothes at great prices. Now they’re just dumb girls who spend too much on crap quality drek that everyone else is wearing. Unpleasant cultural stereotypes aside, of course.

  • Who was it that said, “It doesn’t matter if it is a 20,000$ Prada dress if some one else has it on at the party.” These kids need a lesson in the relationship between brand liquidation and gang colors. Or my fav: “That’s a good question, but what can we do?” he said. “We can’t forbid people from buying it. I’m sure Dom Perignon or Krug would be delighted to have their business.” Because you can afford it doesn’t mean you have class or taste.

  • If there’s a term that should be taken out of the lexicon…or a belief system that should be expunged from associating itself with Judaism, this’d be it. Scary.

  • Kitten heels. Every look starts from the ground up, just like building a house. Show me what shoes you can wear and I will show you what you can look like. If you feel like it.

    Louie is the guy who moves the car around front so you won’t have to totter so far, when you are old. He is only doing that because your adult child asked him to, nicely. Because you were patient when he put the cat in the fish tank and also spilled his juice. Back when.

  • You shouldn’t even print this gargage. It’s like the sick jokes about Jews in concentration camps, ‘Yankel, don’t make trouble’. Or are hits the most important factor nowadays?

  • Agreed Barbara, in my day a smart JAP would never be caught dead paying retail, strictly Loehman’s Backroom. And Tableman – I don’t think the people at Cristal want our business either, they are French you know.

  • The truth is in the middle someplace. The ideal is a woman who looks good for little and can spell.

    And can cook with not much agony either.

  • That’s just plain disturbing. I’d write more, but the driver’s here and I’m off to my manicure appointment. Now, where the hell is my Gucci bag!!!!!

  • I am coming out with a site along the similar vein, rate my hipster/black rimmed glasses Jew living in New York

  • Look can someone help me out here. the strawberry blond I heart Hashem girl, who is she…? Model? Website?

  • morbrini,
    her name is Kathleen and she lives in Montreal last time we checked. Does that help you any?

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