I hope you all had a peaceful and restful Shabbat. I know I tried and it was mostly peaceful… except for the nightmarish images occassioned by my reading of this article in the Village Voice just before sunset yesterday. Titled The Unexpected Orgy: Spending Shabbat with six half-naked new friendsâ€”in one bed it details the activities of a New York-based group called kinkyjews and an underwear-only Shabbat dinner they had held recently in Manhattan.
Most Friday nights, I’m either home decompressing, writing, or at a comedy show. Same goes for the rest of the week; on the whole, my life is pretty boring. Sometimes, though, I have to laugh at the absurdity of running in the highly sexualized circles I do… I had no idea what to expect at dinner (all I was told was to bring a vegetarian item, and that undressing was mandatory), and knew only one person there. I was a little bit nervous, but when I was greeted by six very friendly, half-naked Jews and offered lasagna, I relaxed. I’d missed the candle-lighting, but was welcomed into the laid-back group.
Reading this I was of course offended on many different levels. I can’t help thinking that this was not what God intended when we were commanded to rest on the seventh day. Besides religious considerations, the whole orgy thing just never struck me as very… tasteful. I refer you to the wisdom of a great Jewish sage, Seinfeld in an episode titled The Switch, wherein he states:
Don’t you know what it means to become an orgy guy? It changes everything. I’d have to dress different. I’d have to act different. I’d have to grow a mustache and get all kinds of robes and lotions and I’d need a new bedspread and new curtains I’d have to get thick carpeting and weirdo lighting. I’d have to get new friends. I’d have to get orgy friends… Naw, I’m not ready for it.
Now if that weren’t enough and some of you are thinking this group of Hebrew Humpers sounds like they could be fun, let me get to the truly horrible part. You know how real life lesbians don’t at all look like the airbrushed gorgeous lesbians you see in Penthouse? Well, the same goes for orgy people. And even more so for New York Jew orgy people. Prior to writing this piece I called some of my edgier friends in the 212. I also did a bit of googling with the names they provided me with. Suffice it to say that one of my biggest issues with kinkyjews is one of esthetics. I don’t know how to say this gently so I won’t – these are some of the creepiest, leering, ugly-ass people I have ever seen, ever. And I’ve been to Frankfurt.
I’m not posting ANY pics. Be thankful. Next shabbat, light some candles, gather some friends, maybe go to shul, have a nice dinner, good conversation, revel in the rest, do whatever you like… but for pete’s sake, keep your God damned clothes on!