Stephen Colbert Explains the 10 Days of Repentance…
Pretty much every Jew knows about Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur. Those are the days that most Jews attend synagogue. The Jewish religion however has all sorts of portentious dates and holidays and what have you that many of the Mosaic persuasion don’t know about. Today, for instance, was the Fast of Gedalya. Yes. A fast day before Yom Kippur. What? You want a link? What does this look like? A Yeshiva? Go Google it or something. In any case, as I was saying, there are all kinds of important dates in Judaism – like the 10 days between Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur are known as the 10 days of Repentance, where you are supposed to make a strong effort to repent from your sins and ask for forgiveness from those you have wronged. Again, I could go into detail but I’ll allow Stephen Colbert to explain:
Cool idea with that hotline, eh? We don’t have a hotline, but if you want to come clean, please feel free to share your sins with us here and ask for forgiveness. I mean nothing says true repentance better than public self-humiliation, right? Let me start it off.
Dear Michael. Please forgive me. I drank straight out of your water bottles on numerous occasions and probably passed on all the germs that are currently afflicting you. I ought to have known that your delicate, ashkenazic, shtetl-ravaged disposition could not have been able to resist the onslaught of germs that do nothing to me because of my superior sephardic constitution. I hope you get well soon and in the coming year I pledge not to drink straight out of your bottles. Sorry. Shana Tova!
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hmmm… Sounds like my ex has about a week and a half to ring me up and apologize for being a buttwipe or else. I love Judaism. 😛 Seriously, I think that the idea of an annual period of earthly repentance is a great practice- even if one has to ‘fess up to a few things.
Oh, this is hilarious! Thanks–I needed the giggle!
LOL My goodness, that man is a genius.
My sins? Oy. Where to begin?
I apologize to all of the Jewlicious community for not staying in touch better, for not commenting on more posts, and for not yet recording my voice on the JewliciousTalk do-hickee.
Thank you Stephen Colbert for making it easier for me to ask my non-Jewish friends for Mechila. And for doing so in such a hilarious manner.
Since I was at the studio the day before, I can only assume that I Jewed the place up while I was there, and left a residual echo that manifested in this hotline.
Not that the world revolves around me or anything.
I knew I didn’t send germs to Michael online! Why couldn’t you have come clean earlier, ck?
He featured the hotline in today’s show too if anyone can find a copy. It wasn’t as funny as the original but might be worth watching.
I need to ask your forgiveness for not reading your blog more often. Now that my father’s first yarzeit has come and gone, I have no excuse. No more trouble staying awake in shul for me, thanks to you.