Well, we all knew Kabbalah (much like Jesus) was magic, what with its red-stringy goodness, May-December DemiAshtonness, and Madonnaness. This reputation was cemented with Madonna’s offer to use a mystical Kabbalah fluid to battle nuclear waste.

So when Israel’s National Insurance Institute–responsible for making unemployment and welfare payments–noticed a string of unusual and tragic occurrences, they naturally determined that they had been cursed, and called in the big shofar:

The decision to turn to rabbi David Basri came after the sudden death of the head of the NII’s Tel Aviv bureau, and after several employees were struck down by a mysterious illness…Basri, a renowned expert in Kabbalah, an esoteric offshoot of Judaism, attributed the calamities to curses made by people who had not been granted social welfare benefits.

He arranged a mass prayer service for some 200 employees and also blew the Shofar (a ram’s horn) in an attempt to lift the curse. A spokesman for the NII confirmed that the service had taken place yesterday at the request of the Tel Aviv office employees. No further calamities have yet been reported.

It’s really amazing how far technology and modern science has come. Or as Theodoric of York might have said, “just fifty years ago, we thought this was caused by demonic possession or witchcraft. But nowadays we know that this is due to an imbalance of bodily humors, perhaps caused by a toad or a small dwarf living in someone’s stomach.”

About the author

Esther Kustanowitz

For more posts by Esther, see EstherK.com, MyUrbanKvetch.com and JDatersAnonymous.com.