I laughed, I cried…
Visit Eli’s newly published revised history of the Jews.
Why isn’t this guy writing for us?
Latest posts by themiddle (see all)
You may also like
About the author
Eli Valley gives us yet another Jewish history lesson
Hmmm, I’ve got students from the Ukraine, Kyrgyztan, Kazakhstan, Turkmenistan, Belarus, Estonia, Azerbaidjan – you name it. When I call them “Russians”, they respond with a laugh as they know and don’t consider it an offence. Most of them speak Russian and not the language of their respective country of origin. The Jewish ones usually had their passports declaring their nationality to be “Jewish”…
Many people in Alsace Lorraine foremostly consider themselves Europeans. Cool, eh?
Reload. And they’re not my bloggers. We’re an Anarchist collective, remember?
I see what you meant. Try a more olive hue. I’ll wait.
I know the serious offense I committed, but once I’d explained I’d been misinformed by one of your BLOGGERS, one would have hoped for a little intercontinental understanding.
One would have hoped.
Skip the green if it looks weird. You’re the colorist, remember. I see only blacks and whites.
There ya go Eli Valley. Let it never be said I don’t play well with others. Green Ireland, eye color etc. And while the Jew is darker than the sickly Arafat, his skin is still kinda Ashkenazicly pale – as if you would ever draw the Chairman of the Federal Reserve as a Sephardi Jew…
I was accompanied by three Russian speakers at Heebonism. They are all lovely ladies and a credit to the Soviet system from which they sprang. Something must have been lost in the translation. But seriously, what do you expect when you say “HELLLOOOOO RUSSIA†to a Ukrainian? It’s like saying “HELLLOOOOO GERMANY” to a resident of Alsace Lorraine…
Ok, ok I will make Ireland green. It looks weird though. Kinda really clashes with all the other colors. And Yasser did not have green eyes. He had these light brown eyes and when you peered into them they darkened dramatically due to their function as a passageway to his soul.
Umim nadavat ve cestine — ale nikdo nerozumi cesky. Sere mne to!
EV, learn how to curse in Russian, and they’ll love you. My repertoire of Russian slurs and social niceties has never failed at winning me the hearts of CIS citizens.
Those Ukrainian girls — or one of them — was beyond obnoxious to me just because I greeted them with an intoxicated leer and a “HELLLOOOOO RUSSIA.” (I’d been TOLD they were RUSSIAN by one of your BLOGGERS.) But she’s a friend of yours, so can I expect any civility?
No, ck.
No, I can’t.
It was the Israeli “I hate Jews” contest, making fun of the Iranian one — a crucial distinction.
Good call on the skin tones — I noticed the Jew’s swarthy skin, and chalked it up to your Sephardic allegiances. I like the AIDS blood too. It works — and matches the Jew’s bloody tongue.
One possibility: Give Yasser green eyes to match Ireland. That’ll unify the piece, especially since his gaze is directed that way.
Just a thought.
I hope you negotiated a franchise fee.
You know I thought of that but then I figured the green would distract from Arafat’s nipples. And we don’t want that! Also Arafat’s thin upper lip is a shade darker than the lower lip and the Jew has darker skin compared to Arafat’s more jaundiced sickly skin. I was going to make Arafat’s aureolae lighter than his nipples but at that point I had to really just stop.
I can’t believe your lovable dick(s) or hemipenes (snakes have two-dicks, that’s what the organ is called) didn’t win that Iranian “I hate Jews” contest. Oh well. As a consolation prize you get a free 6-month subscription to Jewlicious.com AND Jewlicious.ru, our upcoming Russian language version of Jewlicious. You won’t understand what they’re writing but you can enjoy the pics – those Ukraine girls? They really knock me out, know what I mean?
Nice coloring! You got the nipples too. Good. Maybe a little green on Ireland, or am I asking too much?
To compensate for praise in this reactionary Jewish communal blog, I resolve to viciously mock “our brethren” in my next 6 comics.
No, seriously, ck, I and my “lovable dick(s)” appreciate the affection.
Uncle Bob: You clearly haven’t seen a lot of Eli’s work. Heh. But yeah he’s awesome! xoxo love you long time!
Even when you don’t agree with him he is wonderful. His Revised History of the Jews is fabulous.
Thankfully Eli has turned his amazing powers against our enemies and not our bretheren. Nice work EV!
Love’s labour’s lost….
Jewcy pays?
What a weird concept.
Och ck, the love is priceless.
He doesn’t write for us because we are the voice of the organized Jewish community. We’re reactionaries! And he’s frightened of my amazing psychic powers.
No seriously, despite the fact that Eli’s a dick, he’s a lovable dick. It’s just that Jewcy pays people. We don’t. Oh well.
TM, maybe because he isn’t interested in knowing what you look like. I won’t say that this had been the incentive that ultimately made me give in to ck, but it was a factor of consideration. 😉