So, you know how ck recently had a post about the UJC Community Heroes?Â Â I’m over it.Â You know why?Â A certain Genia Brin.Â Not only is she the mother of Sergey Brin, who I totally could have married and now been Beemin’ up and down Mountain View, but also she decided to spearhead HIAS’s MyStory project, which is a social network for ex-Soviet Jews to share their immigration story.
This network totally ruins my chances of writing the Great American Novel about how Hard it is to be all Russian Jewish and immigranty and angsty, when thousands of other people have had the same experience, and can now chronicle it ON A SOCIAL NETWORK.Â They are giving away all my trade secrets of immigrant sorrow. I mean, it’s true that there’s Gary Shteyngart and Emil Draitser and Eugene Mirman and Sana Krasikov and Mark Budman , but whatevs!Â If I wrote a book, wouldn’t you be shocked to know that, for example, my earliest memory is of my mom breaking my shovel on a frozen lake in Yaroslavl, Russia?Â I cried for at least forty minutes.Â Well, that’s touching and all, but HOW CAN I TOP BEING IN A GHETTO IN MINSK?Â I can’t.
Time to accidentally hike into Iran or something. I gotta up my game.