Yes. Yes she can. Sort of.
We know that Sarah Silverman managed to win Florida for Obama by encouraging young Jews to shchlep to their grandparents there and convince them that he wasn’t a crypto-Muslim hell bent on imposing Shariah law in the US. Drunk on her success, she has now moved on to a bigger project – namely, ending world hunger by selling the Vatican and using the proceeds to that end. Here, watch her pitch:
Miss Silverman throws in some inducement to the Catholic Church – if they sell the Vatican and feed the world, we the Jews will forget about the Church’s woeful Holocaust record and the Catholic Church in turn will receive lots of uhm… pussy. But let’s be realistic. How likely is it that the Vatican will be sold? And who would even buy it? Bill Gates? George Soros? No, sorry Sarah. Totally unrealistic.
I do however have another idea. Recently it was reported that a Sarah Silverman/Jimmy Kimmel sex tape has surfaced. Photos are being slowly leaked, but really? I don’t want to see them. The mere thought of Jimmy Kimmel naked makes my stomach turn, to say the least. So here’s the deal Sarah. Find the tape. Destroy it and make sure it never sees the light of day. Then find Jimmy Kimmel and have a chat with him and his new girlfriend, Jimmy Kimmel Live! Staff writer Molly McNearney, and have him sign a legally binding document promising to never make a sex tape ever again. Ever. Or else something horrible will happen to him like we’ll feed his testicles to piranhas.
You do that Sarah. Save us all from the sight of a sweaty, hairy, naked, humping Kimmel and I guarantee you that a grateful world will reward you by supporting any cause you choose. Like ending world hunger. Or for fucking once finding you someone appropriate to date already! I mean really Sarah. Rob Huebel? Really? Really???