Me: You’re married?! Why didn’t you tell me?!

You: You didn’t ask!

This picture is very wrong for multiple reasons. You have the audacity to not only not wear a wedding ring, but to confront me, converse with me, flirt with me, make a move on me, and then dare to go so far as to say something is wrong with me? Ma ze? You make me sad; stop doing that.

Unfortunately, this scenario has happened to me tens of times during my stay in the motherland, and each time, I am told by these monkeys that I am naïve to believe in monogamy. It’s naïve to think that two people have the ability to stay faithful even during the toughest of times? It’s immature to believe that a couple can stay together, happily, for years and years? It’s ridiculous to want this and believe I deserve this? No. I’m sorry that you are miserable, but you better do whatever it takes to change what you can and accept what you can’t change. Remember how in love you were on your wedding day. Remember the promises you made to each other and the lives you intended to build together. Turn off the Disney channel, because it’s as far from reality as it gets, and work together regardless of how difficult it may be.

For more on Disney’s counter-reality: Lessons from The Little Mermaid

I’m a pleaser by nature: I want my partner to clearly communicate what will please him, I want to do it as best I can, and I want to be appreciated and cherished for my efforts. I am this way with friends, with lovers, and in the work place. I refuse to believe that I won’t be capable of pleasing my future husband, B’Ezrat Hashem. I realize that many marriages fail, and that many couples are not happy. It still doesn’t make me lose faith, because I have seen those rare and beautiful couples who really love each other. Hallelujah! True, you can never know the spot-on dynamics of a relationship unless you are in it, but you know what I’m talking about, right? Those sweet couples … where the husband brings flowers every Shabbat, where they still hold hands when they walk together, where they still fight and make-up as if they were teenagers all over again … I refuse to believe that I don’t deserve that. As a matter of fact, if you would listen to what makes your partner happy, you would deserve that too. You learn a lot more by listening than by talking.

I know this tone isn’t as cheerful and peppy as the tone of my other posts, but hey, we all knew my Moroccan side would show eventually 😉 I would just show it by cooking for you, but I heard you don’t like spicy food. Is that true?

…..

The good news is that there’s still hope. The first part of this post is dedicated to me telling you that you are shitty. But…hey, shitty man, get over yourself and appreciate what you have! Now it’s time for part two.  Simu lev:

I used to give relationship advice on an Israeli radio station in Los Angeles, and I can’t count the times people would wail about things that they could fix in their relationships if they could only participate in honest communication.

DID YOU KNOW…

88 percent of American men and women between the ages of 20 and 29 believe that they have a soul mate who is waiting for them.  University Wire, Louisiana State University. Remember that delicious feeling? Go get it back.

“Divorcerate.org” says that in the US, 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce.

Ynet had an article showing that 1/3 of Israelis who marry end in divorce. Therefore, this article is not speaking to everyone..just the select few that I have unfortunately come across during my Israeli adventure.

This is going to be cheesy, so skip it if you’re lactose intolerant:

Be a Friar and apologize even if it’s not your fault. Listen to your partner’s wants and needs, and actually try seeing the situation from his/her perspective for a change. Take care of yourself and your partner with more adoration and affection. Have more sex (if you need a babysitter, I just might be available. I have a BA in Child & Adolescent Development, you know. I don’t have kids of my own, but I do have grandchildren. Seven of them). Have more fun. Appreciate the power in saying “I need you to” as opposed to “You need to.” Be unified, because that’s what marriage is all about. And most importantly, Tizremu!

And if all else fails:

About the author

Dr. Mishmish

MBA, MA. Have more fun. Worry less. Laugh more. Be good to yourselves & others. Grow, learn, and develop.

The greatest risk in life is not taking one.

29 Comments

  • Which is worse in your opinion, Israeli men or L.A. men? I ask because my gut tells me Israeli women are much more grounded and easy to get along with than L.A. women…and it sounds like the opposite is happening in Israel. If so…I have to move.

  • Honesty I believe we’re influenced so much by the our surroundings and the media which shows its a a norm. Growing up seenig parents divorcing left and rigth hearing it in music or watching it on T V it seems to be the way a marriage is suppose to be. With divorce.

  • Honesty I believe we’re influenced so much by the our surroundings and the media which shows its a a norm. Growing up seenig parents divorcing left and rigth hearing it in music or watching it on T V it seems to be the way a marriage is suppose to be. With divorce.

  • I think media surely plays a large role. Much of the music I enjoy dancing to has purely awful lyrics that disturb me… I believe anyone in a position of power has a RESPONSIBILITY to realize he or she is a role model and act accordingly. Unfortunaltely, that’s not the reality!

  • Im response to the question which is worse, Israeli men or LA men.. I think Israeli men have something very special that other man don’t have. On the other hand, they are very straight forward and women from outside of Israel are often not used to it, to say the least.
    This trend of married men hitting on me happens often in Israel and happened to me only once in LA. It doesn’t necessarily mean that LA men don’t do it- they likely DO, but are less obvious or blunt about it.

  • Oh and one last thing… Whoever told you that Israeli women are more easy going than LA women.. Is either stupid, confused, misinformed, or a combination. Sorry to be so forward, it’s just that it’s the exact opposite of the obvious truth. Israeli women are known for being very tough, and LA girls are known for being more open, friendly, easy going and just plain “easy”.

  • I want to make the following perfrectly clear. Even though I wasn’t wearing my wedding ring (long story short its fallen down behind my bed) I think the two child seats in the back of my car when I picked Michelle up on the street in Tel Aviv for a lift to Jerusalem made it clear I was not available. OK? This article, therefore, has nothing to do with me.

    🙂

  • I want to make the following perfrectly clear. Even though I wasn’t wearing my wedding ring (long story short its fallen down behind my bed) I think the two child seats in the back of my car when I picked Michelle up on the street in Tel Aviv for a lift to Jerusalem made it clear I was not available.

    OK? This article, therefore, has nothing to do with me.

  • Don’t mean to ‘bud’ in, but a ring seems like a small problem… Not that I disagree with your conclusion. But… I tend to ask.within the first 5 minutes if I’m speaking to a single woman to know If my intentions should change. Just my opinion 🙂

  • Let me clear up the confusion.
    The "men" you're talking about are not ass-holes, they're eunuchs… a man who wants casual sex but is too scared to be upfront about it has no balls, ergo = eunuch.

    You can test it by giving them a swift kick… if he shrugs it off, he's a eunuch. If he crumples to the floor he's an ass-hole and he deserves it. XD

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