Sexy Jews 2013

You know, not everyone is opposed to Jewish intermarriage. Advocates say that when Jews reproduce with non-Jews it expands our gene-pool. Given all the congenital ailments that Jews, Ashkenazi Jews specifically, are subject to, like Crohn’s, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Tay Sachs Disease, increased incidence of Breast Cancer, liking Geffilte Fish etc. introducing new DNA to undo the damage caused by centuries of close knit ghetto living seems like a good idea. And then there are the aesthetic considerations as well. Why do so many single Jewish men on JDate lie about their height? Why are so many Jewish men, again mostly of Ashkenazi extraction, seemingly balding prematurely? Why do so many Jewish women insist on straightening their Semitic locks? There is a notion that, while they are good in business, science, medicine and the arts, Jews are not so pretty to look at.

Well, clearly, it’s time to disabuse these notions. In November, Esquire declared that Jewess Scarlett Johnansson was the sexiest woman alive. The 28 year old Johansson, whose Mother is Jewish, won the title for the second time (her last victory was 7 years ago), beating out last year’s winner, another Jewess, Mila Kunis. And now, People Magazine has declared that Maroon 5 frontman and coach on The Voice, Adam Levine, is 2013’s Sexiest Man Alive.

Both Levine and Johansson come from interfaith families but consider themselves Jewish. So what’s going on here? Why isn’t Levine a shnooky accountant? Why isn’t Johansson a member of Hadassah? What is interesting however, is the intermarriage aspect of all this. It’s not that sexier, healthier genes are going to enter the Jewish people, but rather that already sexy Jewish genes are heading to the goyim! That’s right. Forget about all your silly prejudices. Scarlett is currently engaged to her French Catholic boyfriend Romain Dauriac – so yes the kids will be technically Jewish but really, who are we kidding here? Levine is now also engaged to his girlfriend, Victoria’s Secret supermodel Behati Prinsloo who hails from Namibia and whose Dad is a Christian Minister. See that? Jewish genes going to the goyim in order to make the world a better place.

See? Jews ARE sexy! Talk about Tikun Olam.

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About the author


Founder and Publisher of Jewlicious, David Abitbol lives in Jerusalem with his wife, newborn daughter and toddler son. Blogging as "ck" he's been blocked on twitter by the right and the left, so he's doing something right.