So now is the time of year when we are supposed to ask people to forgive us if we did anything to harm them in any way in the past year. People post to social media and say to friends things like, “if I have done anything to wrong you in any way then please forgive me.” I have always found this to be disingenuous to say the least.
If you really did do something wrong to someone then own up to it and make a sincere attempt at making amends. And if you are truly concerned that you may have done something wrong to someone then ask people: “Hey, have I done anything to offend you recently?”
That being said I would like to ask everyone to forgive me no matter how awful the thing that I did may have been. And you have no choice but to accept my apology before Yom Kipur. And as for myself, I forgive no one.
But seriously folks, here is a list of people who I will definitely not be forgiving:
All those people who cut ahead of you right in front of the cash register in a busy small grocery store just because they think it’s OK if they only have one or two items to buy.
The people at the Israeli Post Office who keep on delivering a third and final notice to my mail box of a package that arrived which I need to pick up at the same time that they finally deliver the first and second notices.
Anyone who rides their bikes on the sidewalk and almost hits you from behind.
Especially electric bicycles.
And especially the ones who act like you are the one who is wrong for having the chutzpah to walk on the sidewalk.
Double especially anyone who rides their bike through the shuk when it is crowded.
People who hog an extra seat on the bus with a small bag and then pretend not to hear you when you ask if you can take that seat.
People who wear white after Labor Day and anyone who wears a white suit – what’s up with that! (Except of course for Mr. Roarke.)
Armando Benitez for blowing the save in game one of the 2000 World Series against the Yankees.
All those Mets players for getting injured this year.
All those Israeli men who not only urinate in public places like parks but who do not even try and go just a few feet deeper behind some trees or bushes to at least cover themselves if only just a little bit.
The tour guides who keep on bringing large groups to Jerusalem’s Mahane Yehuda market on a busy Friday afternoon.
People who still wear Crocs.
Justin Bieber (If you have to ask…)
The doctor who prescribed all those pills that killed Prince.
The people who make the D.C. Comics movies.
All the people who just won’t shut up about how you just have to go to Uman. “Ya gotta go to Uman! You really need to go to Uman! Rebbe Nachman, Rebbe Nachman, Rebbe Nachman…” Just shut the hell up already!
The street performers who stand right in the middle of Mahane Yehuda blocking all the traffic on a busy day.
People who talk on their cell phones on the bus just like they would if they were in their own living rooms.
And on that point – all of those people who behave like a public bus is really their personal taxi and insist that everyone else does what they want.
All the people who play music in the shuk and have absolutely no talent – that should be illegal.
George Clooney – He Knows why.