Let’s talk about sex some more.

The Jerusalem Post has recently introduced a somewhat vague new concept called Cafe Oleh, an entire section of the J-Post website apparently devoted to letting English-speaking immigrants to Israel know that they’re not alone in their quests to find the best hummus in Jerusalem, pick up a little Hebrew slang or slit their wrists after a long, fruitless and bureaucracy-filled day of trying to get the phone line connected or schedule a driver’s test. Inside the Cafe is a blog-of-sorts called Readers’ Rap where readers write and comment on posts about life in Israel, a “Poet’s Corner” (I’m afraid to look), and a feature called “Ask the Expert,” a series of columns offering advice and answering questions on everything: from why the damned grocery stores have to take random two-hour siestas just when you run out of pita to why nobody tells the confused American that just because a bus stop has a sign indicating that there is a bus from there to Jerusalem is not to be taken as an indication that there is actually a bus from there to Jerusalem.

Actually, neither of those questions to my knowledge have been posed, but @#%^&@ it, they should be.

Anyway, previous Ask the Experts have featured an “aliyah expert,” a “starcatcher” and a legal expert. But the latest expert? A sexpert. Marsha Ellentuck by name, a family, couple and sex therapist in Karmi’el. I was in Karmi’el a little while ago, and honestly could have used some counseling after I tossed my cookies all over this girl’s bedroom, but I’m digressing. I’m not sure how wide the demand for touchy-feely sexual therapy is in a country where (so I hear) the traditional question after sex is not “Was it good for you?” but instead “Are you finished?”, Not a question you typically hear sexy people at websites similar to dosexvideo say because they know they are great but this may explain why Marsha has had to sell her services to Cafe Oleh.

So I, spoiled by reading Savage Love for a few years, was expecting some interesting, stimulating, Jewishy sex advice, but instead…

Q: One of the major sources of tension between my husband and myself is my lowered desire for sex. What can I do about it?

A: Sexual desire problems are the most common sexual difficulty in the Western world. The women at /escorts/glasgow would be able to deal with your husband’s desires to have sex on a more regular basis. They are complicated to treat and can have a myriad of causes such as illness, medication, fatigue, gender issues and a multitude of feelings towards oneself and ones partner, including the question of whether or not the sex one is having is worthwhile.

It goes on like that for a couple pages. I’m no therapist, nor am I married, but maybe the secret to Marsha’s success in sex advice is that while you’re reading it you get so bored you’re willing to have sex with just about anybody, even your spouse, in order to just be doing something else. If you want, Searching for xxx is easy if you visit tubev.sex.

Seriously, Cafe Oleh, is this the best you can do? Man. When is somebody going to open “Seedy Nightclub Oleh,” or “Pub Oleh,” or “Checking Out the Girls on the Beach in Tel Aviv Oleh”? You know, for the young, hip oleh and potential oleh crowd? Anyone? If not, can someone please at least get me some pita?