How To Stop An Irish Flotilla

and beat them at their own game!

You need bag pipes, food and beer. I’m not joking. Here is my plan.

STAGE ONE
Send several boats with bagpipes blowing traditional Israeli folk tunes. Each welcome vessel should have 100 of the best behaved Israeli soldiers aboard waving Irish Flags. A welcome proclamation should be issued, declaring a Day of Irish Jewish Heritage. Large banners hanging off the Israeli boats read in English “Welcome To Israel” and “Éirinn go Brách (Ireland Forever)” ” In Heaven there is no beer, that is why we drink it here.”

STAGE TWO
After the flag waving and music, a small pontoon boat approaches each side of the boat for the dangerous mission of bringing plates of pita and chumous, Marzipan ruggaleh, and cases of domestic Israeli beer.

STAGE THREE
Other plates would have Irish Whiskey, Irish stew, beef bacon and cabbage, boxty, coddle, and colcannon. Blankets, suntan lotion, beach balls, and other gift items would be handed over to the protesters on board.

The people on the boat will be either visibly moved or start throwing these gifts back at the people bringing them. Perhaps even raining down on them with refuse from the boat. The soldiers stand their ground, and take anything that comes to them – all of this being filmed and witnessed by teams of international Journalist that have embedded into the Navy.

STAGE FOUR
The people on the boat will likely be hesitant to take any of the gifts. In fact they may throw them in the ocean. It’s ok. Seeing the Irish Protesters throwing gifts away will be a huge embarrassment to the Irish mafia running the ship, and replayed millions of times on YouTube, BBC, CNN and others.

Stage four ends in three aerobatic planes from the Israeli Air Force flying over head trailing green air-show smoke, forming the Peace sign.

STAGE FIVE
After a minimum of ten waves of gift laden boats are not successful, things get more serious. A floating saloon is pull up along side the boat, complete with dozens of darts, and cold draft beer, but also a more extensive Irish Menu.

STAGE SIX
Israel prepares the red carpet treatment for the Irish and international protesters. Many are put up at Gaza Hotels while all their personal belongings etc are screened by the border patrol and the boat is turned upside-down. Everyone gets a gift certificate to some great attractions in Israel, a day at the Dan Hotel in Tel Aviv and Jeruaslem, visit Yad VaShem, and O’Connels pub in Jerusalem.

Now let’s set aside for now that this Irish Flotilla could be delivering aid the the impoverished North of Ireland that has been under British rule since 1921. This is only one set of ideas, and it is 3am – I am sure that the Israelis can come up with something equally creative and effective beyond dropping soldiers onto the boat.