hehwhy is it that the only thing i want to hear right now is “i love you” ??!! i need perspective. i need to take people’s advice and takes things slow. but, of course, i am taking things slow. i don’t call her obsessively. i don’t over-do emails. and i haven’t said anything out of place or too extreme in person. but within my own head, in my internal dialogue, i am already relaxing on our porch as our 5 kids play in the backyard. but maybe that’s normal – so long as it doesn’t come out in person. plus, we really are good for each other. we’re compatible and i’m sure she’s interested in me. finally, i have absolutely no problem with becoming more religious when settling down and getting married. but why should i be thinking about that now?

we’re both still young. also, what’s the line between her interest in me and not wanting to freak ME out by saying things that are too intense? maybe we’re both thinking the same thing but each is waiting for the other to say it? this is not one of those stories of unrequited love. i’m sure she’s also interested in me. but perhaps even if we both feel the same way, 2-3 dates and a few phone calls simply isn’t the required time needed to pass before making any bold statements. the funny thing is that i thought Israeli relationships get really serious/committed really fast. what i once mocked i now long for. not sure why but in Israel people seem to settle down quickly and are almost never single. what i really fear is that i met the one Israeli girl who doesn’t follow that trend and that’s exactly what i want now. but it doesn’t matter – i need to stop freaking the f*ck out and chill out, get some perspective. i should be enjoying every moment instead of just pining for the time i’ll get behind her wall and we’ll be completely open with each other. in the meantime i also need to adjust to dating a religious girl. meaning no hugs, no kisses, not even a kiss goodnight. the scary thing is – can i really be with someone whom i can’t even kiss goodnight?

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struggling. emotional. help.

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