second date yesterday. still trying to break through the wall of religiosity and get to the real her. How long will it take? Why are people that become more religious so fanatical. no, fanatical is not a good word but they stick to it so much and can’t take a step without mentioning it or infusing their every action with their newfound beliefs. this stops them from relating to others who aren’t exactly at their stage of religiousness and makes it hard to really get to know them. meanwhile, i’m such an open person that either i’m ranting, boring her or turning her off since i’m the one usually talking. not because i want to. i ask plenty of questions. but they get answered briefly or with rants that get cut off with a cute “i dunno” midway. why can’t i learn to do that.

i hammer away at explaining an answer till i’m confident i accurately conveyed my thoughts. sure, i’m of interest to her but will she ever really let me in? you see, she and i have similar problems when it comes to finding mates – in Israel most people are not religious. only religious people are religious. everyone else is completely secular, without even having a basic religious understanding or knowledge. in Israel you’re either religious or secular. no modern orthodox, no middle ground. i am only slightly simplifying. so its hard to find someone who is both an active part of the real world, recognizing and being interested in the greater world of pop culture, politics, science, etc. but ALSO be knowledgeable and respectful of religion. its sad, really, that the middle ground is lost here. in Israel you’re Jewish because you’re in Israel. elsewhere Judaism is a religion which requires certain practices, knowledge, commitment, etc. for that reason, i think we’re really good for each other but it is nevertheless hard to break through her wall. i am annoyed that it will likely take another 10 dates, or more, before i can really share what i’m thinking. in the meantime, i thank Jewlicious for the ranting space.

About the author


struggling. emotional. help.


  • dude. refer to the first 3 words of your post, then TRY to get some perspective!

  • Jimmy, your “rant” demonstrates how you have not thought clearly about who would make a good mate for you. What makes you think that she’s EVER going to open up to you? And why should she? She can probably already tell that you don’t share the same religious values, or interest in religious practices, so what makes you think that you’re ever going to get to 10 dates?

    Figure out what you have to give in a relationship. Figure out what matters to you, and what your priorities and goals are in life. The only thing that I can see that you two share is the desire to live in Israel. Do you have any other common interests that you could talk about without the conversation ending with, “well, I dunno?” You need to look inside at yourself first, before you go judging her.