3 Earthquakes in 7 months? Dude, time to start reading the prophets

I’m not usually one to put too much weight into end-of-days type propaganda I mean prophecy, but this is starting to get to me. Israel has experienced its third earthquake since February. The February one was really exciting; I was sitting in class and everything started to shake. At first, of course, I thought it was a bomb, but the rumble lasted too long. Then I thought maybe a low-flying aircraft, but there wasn’t that accompanying boom. When the books began shimmying off the shelves I had it figured out. It was my first earthquake. I was thrilled!

We had another earthquake today, measuring 4 on the Richter Scale. It hit the Beit She’an Valley, home of Roman Ruins and insufferably hot weather (cut to: somewhere in the Arab world media “Zionist scum cause earthquake today, in attempt to kill Palestinian babies and mothers”). No one got hurt, which mean no one will really pay attention. Granted, Israel happens to be situated right between the Arab and African plates, but we’ve never really been known for our natural disasters (with the notable exception of the Tsfat earthquake in 749 CE). The February quake also brought down a small hill near the women’s section of the Kotel revealing tunnels we previously didn’t know were there.

Incidentally, The IDF has begun passing out anti-radiation pills (the best illusion of safety of I’ve ever heard of) to people living near the Dimona Nuclear research facility. The timing of such acts may or may not be related to Vanunu’s recent statements to the Arab paper Al-Hayat Weekly warning “that a strong earthquake in the region could crack the Dimona nuclear reactor and cause radioactive leakage that would result in the death of millions throughout the Middle East”. Of course, Vanunu also believes that Israel was behind JFK’s assassination, and if you twist his arm, he’s likely to say Israel also controls Area 51, killed Jim Morrison and was responsible for David Caruso leaving NYPD Blue. But that’s beside the point.

I don’t know what all these earthquakes, secret tunnels, and nuclear facilities add up to, but if I were a conspiracy theorist, I’d be going nuts right now. And running for my tin foil hat.