Oy, don’t ask.

I still can’t figure out whether this is very well done creative writing or a real woman pouring her heart out to the universe. The blogging world has given us Marneyshayne who gives her location as the “United States.” Marney is either some acne-ridden Columbia Creative Writing grad student, or is the frum mother of four children who has recently stopped cheating on her husband and in lieu of afternoon trystes with her lover (frum, also married with four children), is bestowing us with unusually open and thoughtful posts about her recovery from the affair. I find the posts to be engaging and interesting, as are some of the comments, like this one from a married frum man (or a Yale, acne-ridden, basement-dwelling, creative writing grad student who may become President one day) who claims to have had adulterous mind blowing sex with a 5’10”, 115 lb. (what else) non-Jewish beauty.

However, nobody has yet come down hard on this woman for what she has done. Everybody is a little too forgiving of her actions…

Anyway, on her Chanukkah post, she provided some of the details of the affair. Jewels like this one make this post and comments worth reading:

I remembered my feelings towards xMM. I had never gotten over them. I searched for him on the internet and found his work email. I emailed him and confessed my former feelings. I explained that breaking off our friendship had nothing to do with him having done something wrong, as he had feared. He responded that he forgave me, he was glad for the contact, and that I had opened a can of worms. He wondered if we could make a relationship work.

I was nervous, giddy, beside myself. I didn’t know what to do. My head left me. We continued email correspondence and graduated to instant messenging. We would set up times to IM at night after our spouses were asleep. We would stay up until 2-3am talking and joking and flirting and catching up on the past 8 years or so. It was established that we were both unhappily married and wanted to find happiness elsewhere.

I suggested a meeting one night. I had to kiss him to see if the sparks were real.

Edit: the blog author removed comments because she didn’t like the bickering over the man’s truthfulness, so the man’s story about the affair with the tall woman seems to be gone. What a shame. I’ll leave the link in case she puts it back up.

About the author

themiddle

18 Comments

  • When I linked to Frumaffair on my blog, several people doubted its authenticity, and I started to question.

    The blogger eventually slipped and mentioned a specific detail — attending a dinner for Tehilla on Dec. 16. Ever the snoop, I tried to Google for it to find out where she was from, but couldn’t come up with a Tehilla dinner on that date, at least not one that was Googleable.

  • She never really cheated. Other than having some emotional orgasm, I can’t see what she got all wet over. Even by Clinton standards this was nothing. I don’t see what all the commotion is about here.

  • The affair started in my heart long ago. This man was a good friend of my husband’s when we were dating. We continued the friendship after we were all newlyweds. I found myself attracted to him, and knew I had to stay away. I distanced myself and my husband from him and his wife. The years progressed, children were born. I found myself unhappy in my marriage, and unbeknownst to me, xMM was unhappy too. Both of us tried marital counselling. After 10 years of marriage, I didn’t think I could continue.

    I remembered my feelings towards xMM. I had never gotten over them. I searched for him on the internet and found his work email. I emailed him and confessed my former feelings. I explained that breaking off our friendship had nothing to do with him having done something wrong, as he had feared. He responded that he forgave me, he was glad for the contact, and that I had opened a can of worms. He wondered if we could make a relationship work.

    I was nervous, giddy, beside myself. I didn’t know what to do. My head left me. We continued email correspondence and graduated to instant messenging. We would set up times to IM at night after our spouses were asleep. We would stay up until 2-3am talking and joking and flirting and catching up on the past 8 years or so. It was established that we were both unhappily married and wanted to find happiness elsewhere.

    I suggested a meeting one night. I had to kiss him to see if the sparks were real. We met by a deserted industrial park. We kissed, more than once. We knew we were in trouble.

    The entire affair lasted from February-June. Although, all physical contact ended in May, and by the time June hit, the affair was dying it’s last death. However, the build-up in my mind had lasted years. I got much more emotionally invested in it than xMM. I am not sure why he embarked on the affair. I asked him many times, and he simply didn’t know.

    When xMM was done, he simply shut me off like a light switch. No looking back. He said he wanted to stay friends and keep in touch, but his actions said otherwise. Everything I fell in love with, his sense of humor, his attentions, his compassion, his intelligence – he turned all of these off to me at the end. He became cold and distant. He started lying to me. He ignored me. The witty fun man I had known was gone. I suppose he continued to show that side of himself to his family and friends and (other lovers?), but not to me. The man I had loved was gone for good. Replaced by a mocking, cold, callous individual. All feelings I had for him are gone. Replaced by a sadness that I would have let myself get swept away by such a destructive relationship.

    (this is the key post fron the “Jewels like this one” link)

  • She then continues:

    I was not looking for random men. I wanted him in particular. I don’t even know why. Yes, I am a frum woman with long skirt, wig, etc. You can email me with questions, however, remember that this is a site recounting my BAD experience having an affair and my subsequent recovery. If you are a “nice jewish guy” looking to have an affair, you are barking up the wrong tree.

    Sorry to be suspicious, but the web can be a dangerous place. My affair would never have blossomed the way it did without the aid of the internet. We never would have been able to communicate so freely if not for the secrecy of email and instant messenging. I am now wary of the internet and who may really be speaking to me on the other side of the computer. Many frum men are lured by the computer, and the ability to express themselves sexually, that they don’t have in real life. In real life, sex is never mentioned or spoken of, except in the theoretical debates over a particular gemmorah. Men and women are expected to have complete control over their sexual urges, and they are only allowed expression in the privacy of a married couple’s bedroom. What a fantasy playground for frum men who are sexually frustrated! I am not posting an opinion good or bad here. I think some people can keep things in check, and some go overboard. However, even though I did not meet xMM over the web, we got into explicit IM discussions that would never have happened face to face. When we ended, we said cruel things via email that we never would have said face to face either. It’s like some people using liquor or drugs to give them that added boost of confidence, or people who are normally mild-mannered getting aggressive behind the wheel of a car. The internet gives you more “courage” to behave in ways online that you wouldn’t in real life. Actually, my blog is the perfect example of this phenomenon. I never want anyone to know my real identity. The power of it all scares me. I know where it can lead.

  • I was always taught that when one is in a marriage or even if one has a girlfriend, that when only looks at another woman like a beautiful tree or something like that, but in no way does one even consider them for a moment as a possible partner, since all one’s love and emotional interest is and must always be directed to one’s girlfriend or wife.

  • The prospect of how a frum person would deal with an affair interested me a lot (study of human character, not because I aim to one day be a frum person cheating on her nonexistent husband…) But then I found myself relatively uninterested by the site. Not to diminish the pain of what this woman is going through, but I didn’t think it was particularly compellingly written, so I think attribution to a Creative Writing student at Columbia’s not realistic. Unless Columbia’s standards are slipping, in which case I might need to apply to a program immediately.

  • She hasn’t said anything about any physical part of the relationship. A kiss, maybe, heavy petting, who knows ? Regarding my story, it is 100% true. I can’t understand why everyone is so surprised at the way I described my former girlfriend. Is is so outragous to think that a tall, skinny, beautiful women had an affiar with a frum Jew ? And yes I may have been off an inch or two with her height but I described her accurately.

  • Lachmeet, it was just one person who doubted your story. Of course, it seems to be gone forever now…

    Esther, some people like dark chocolate and some people enjoy milk chocolate. I think the fact that there is ambiguity about whether she is real or made up suggests that if this is a creative writer, she or he is pretty good. If this woman is real, she really is just trying to work her way through some distress and confusion so what kind of quality are you expecting from her?

  • If a person has never had an affair ie. never cheated on their spouse, then they can definitely certainly criticize. If they have had an affair, then they should remain silent.

  • If a person has never had an affair ie. never cheated on their spouse, then they can definitely certainly criticize.

    Ok, but they better not have cheated on their taxes, ever lied to anyone, or stolen anything. And remember you can steal time, if you surf the net at the office you may be stealing time from your employer.

    People in glass houses………

  • You know, sometimes you really don’t know who you are dating and what motivates them. But you can check them out if you want for free. It’s not hard to Google someone or whatever and see what they have been up to. Most of the time, it’s nothing, but it’s that once in a thousand change that there is. And if there is, wouldn’t you like to know? Me too 🙂

Leave a Comment