Surf\'s Up Rabbi!

Here’s my plan:

Grow a beard. Put on a knitted kippah. Tear some jeans at the knee while running over them with the car a few times to give them that destroyed look. Fly to Israel and find a way to get to Gush Katif. Once there, tell them I am a profound supporter of their right to remain in Gaza and in fact wish to buy/build a home. Get registered as a local resident, and get a developer to begin digging up the foundation to a house.

Did I mention that I will attend synagogue, help all my new neighbors, listen to them with an attentive mind, and smile a lot?

Did I mention that without telling my new neighbors, I plan to sign up for the new community in Northern Ashkelon, North of Gaza, called the Golf Village? Yes, this little neighborhood is just a half mile from the ocean and has fairly valuable real estate. This valuable real estate will be given to those families who sign up for it. That’s right, simply ask and ye shall receive.

I know, I know, what a cynical thing to do. After all, these settlers who are leaving Gush Katif are being expelled by the very state that put them there. They are suffering and in shock to the point where they complain about the Nazi-like tactics of the Jewish State and its Army. They are receiving compensation, but how can any compensation be enough after months of heart-rending bad-mouthing of the Jewish state, its democracy and its leadership? How can anything make up for the pain of sending your teenage kids to languish in prison for blocking main Israeli roads? Indeed, what can possibly assuage the pain of undermining the IDF’s authority over its observant soldiers, while calling into question the army’s very morals?

But still, a person’s gotta do what a person’s gotta do, and if the state wants to compensate the settlers who do these things with prime ocean-side property, and if the Supreme Court rules that new Gazan tenants are to be compensated as well, who am I to turn up my nose at unsavory tactics.

OCEAN-SIDE REAL ESTATE, BABY!

Yup, wish me luck.

Oh, in other news, a former chief rabbi has instructed as follows with respect to soldiers obeying their commanders during the pullout:

…a “soldier must tell his commander: ‘I am not refusing the order but I cannot carry out the order.'”

The rabbi emphasized that neither soldiers nor evacuees be subject to physical attacks and that neither side must make use of violence.

“We do not want to disassemble the army that defends the lives of the residents and the citizens. We thus cannot declare a refusal to obey orders but must stand and say that we are not able,” Eliyahu also said.

His statements are interpreted to mean that soldiers not carrying out pullout orders would not be refusing such orders but rather would be expressing their inability to do so.

Regarding the police, Rabbi Eliyahu says they must not quit because of the fear of disengagement. “They must inform their commanders that they cannot drive out Jews and ask to be dismissed from training leading up to the expulsion,” he said.

Eliyahu also referred to the civil guard, saying that in their case, “it is decided that they have no permission to take part in this criminal act.” He also said the act was an offense against the Torah.

Eliyahu also referred to the civil guard, saying that in their case, “it is decided that they have no permission to take part in this criminal act.” He also said the act was an offense against the Torah.

‘I am not refusing the order but I cannot carry out the order.’

You’d have to be a talmudic scholar to parse that one. Fortunately, the state of Israel subsidizes tens of thousands of those, so we should have no problem getting to the bottom of this non-refusing refusal.

I should end this post by reminding everyone that an average Israeli, whether s/he lives inside a major urban center, a development town in the Negev or a small town in the Galilee, and even if he served in the IDF and continues to do reserve duty, and even if he votes, pays taxes, and has two or three sons to send to the army, and even if he has had to buy his home unsubsidized while paying Israel’s high tax rate and trying to make a living in a tough economic environment, and even if he is a true Zionist and Israel-loving mensch, he would never be offered a free plot of land near the ocean . Never. Even if he never insulted the government, the state’s democracy, the IDF, or blocked roads, interfered with daily life of other Israelis or undermined the IDF’s authority, he would still not qualify for an ocean-side plot of land. Never. Nope, he’d have to pay the full $130,000 for that lot near the salty ocean air.

I’m moving to Gaza.

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themiddle

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