First of all, a guy with a combover obviously has no sense of style.

Second, the combover reveals deep insecurity about one’s looks, not to mention about one’s virility.

Third, the hair on either the right or left side is long enough to have a sideways ponytail. Even though the Terrorist Leader with the Combover doesn’t realize that his underling terrorists are thinking this, they are.

Fourth, you know that when his wife gets mad at Terrorist Leader with a Combover, she lifts up part of her burka and messes his hair. Who’s gonna take orders from a wuss like that?

Fifth, instead of just getting up in the morning to go and kill Jews, the Terrorist Leader with a Combover has to spend a good deal of time in front of the mirror getting the combover to look, well, like it’s not a combover.

Sixth, the Terrorist Leader with a Combover is clearly a delusional optimist. We know this because he finally leaves the mirror and hair combing believing that his combover doesn’t look like a combover.

Seventh, who exactly would follow this kind of leader? That’s right, it won’t be the hirsute Palestinian terrorists. They will find their way over to Fatah where the leaders have hair, grow bald respectably or at least wear a keffiyah in the shape of, ahem, Palestine Israel.

Eighth, there’s a very good chance that while leaping out of a car that’s about to get hit by a missile from an Israeli helicopter, the Terrorist Leader with a Combover will find his lengthy hair (on the good side – the side with the long hair) getting caught in the tires of the stolen Peugeot he’s in and die an ugly death by scalping, even as the missile torches the car.

Ninth, forget it about hot Palestinian babes.

Tenth, nobody can take Terrorist Leader with a Combover’s threats seriously. They’re too distracted searching for the bald spot.

Follow Michael Jordan’s lead and shave it off, Mahmoud Al-Zahar. Seriously, you’ll thank Jewlicious for it later. Hopefully in your afterlife.


Next week we’ll offer some beauty tips for the Terrorist Leader with a Wart on the Nose.

About the author

themiddle

26 Comments

  • roller loller. 😀

    ps: how come you post on shabos TM? Aren’t you The One always wishing ‘Shabat Shalom’? ;]

  • Alas, I am among those who don’t view this as “melacha” or labor.

    Good to see you, Shadai, I sure do wish I could speak Hungarian and understand your posts – they usually seem quite interesting.

  • Hey! Since when is the middle funny?? I had to check twice to make sure it wasn’t Michael or Esther! Good one TM.

  • Shadaim is the original Hebrew term from the Torah, so about slang for breasts in Hebrew I have never heard any, the closest might be Pitzatza, but that is an overall term, although I would think that, well never mind.

  • In the spirit of the upcoming Day of Repentance, I’ll come clean. All my past posts were actually ghostwritten by TM. Sorry to have deceived you all, and wishing you a wonderful new year.

  • No. No you are not funny. Usually anyway. You’re like the serious/garrelous garrulous voice of Jewlicious. esther is funny with that jaded New York edge, Michael is funny the way, you know, pot heads are funny. Muffti just steals stuff from Kenny or from his course syllabus. Laya is usually introspective and me? I’m just well rounded and worthy of emulation.

  • Much as I love being described as “funny with that jaded New York edge,” I’m sorry to tell you that my next post isn’t going to be all that funny. You know, it’s possible that, as people, we all have many facets to our personalities: funny, sweet, sarcastic, serious, high-strung, laid-back, etc. I know it hasn’t been scientifically proven, and for the sake of the Jewlicious reality show, it would be easier if each of us only possessed one trait, but I think we have to admit that it’s possible that we’re (gasp!) complex human beings.

  • actually i know for a fact it’s not slang, breast cancer is sartan hashad. tzitzim is slang. i was just wondering if the grammatic construct of shadai means my breasts.

  • That would be shidai, I believe. Can’t we get, like, an official Israeli who knows their grammar to advise us?

    Anyway, whenever I hear an Israeli use the term tzitzi or tzitzim to describe breasts, I think of a child speaking, and cross off that individual from my list of friends and prospective friends because of the perceived immaturity.

    It’s a bit harsh, I know, but what can you do. 🙂

  • And I quote:

    “Achot lanu qtanah, v’shadayim ein lah. Mah naaseh l’achoteinu b’yom she’yedaber bah?”

    “We have a small sister, and she does not have breasts. What will we do on the day she is spoken for?”

    Definitely not slang if it appears in the Bible.

  • as underwhelmed as i am by the thought of being crossed of the list of your prospective friends, themiddle, i’d like to state for the record that i did not and do not use the word tzitzim, i was merely correcting ck. incidentally, i agree, it’s a stupid word, but i think it would be foolish of you to judge a person’s entire character on that basis alone. by the way, yishar coach to those of you who went to the text, i love it.

  • In the book “Eros and the Jews”, David Biale proposes that “El Shaddai” means the god with breasts;some type of merging of the “Earth Goddess” archetype with El, the traditional Caananite high god. If I recall correctly, his proof was fairly tenuous. In general, it seems that playing fast and loose with Biblical era etymology is a good way to make up a lot of completely unfounded ideas.

  • So, those boys who were talking about their poor sister, did they become plastic surgeons? Or is that not in the text?

  • Actually, I believe it’s a girl talking about her sister in the text. ‘Cause Shir ha-Shirim switches between male and female narration. ‘Cause it’s cool like that. And as we all know, women plastic surgeons are assur de’rabbanan. Although Rashi’s daughters pumped collagen!

  • Oh damn, Ofri, now I have to admit that I’ve actually still got friends who use the word tzitzim.

    At least they don’t giggle after they use it. Then I’d really have to drop them from my list.

  • Cici – that’s Hungarian for breasts (in kindergarden).

    However, in the “Midrash Shemot Rabbah” 3:6, the Rabbis interpret the name thusly:

    Rabbi Abba bar Mamel has said: …When I do not immediately punish a person for their sins, I am called, “El Shadai.”

    Rabbi Shimon ben Lakish is reported as saying:
    What does “I am El Shadai” (Genesis 35:11) mean? [It means,] “I am He who said to the world, ‘Enough!'”

    This interpretation is a pun on the name, Shadai. By vocalizing the word differently and by understanding the first letter, “Shin,” as a prefix meaning, “that,” it is possible to view the rest of the word, the letters “Daled” and “Yod,” as the word, “Dai.” The result is the phrase, “that it is enough.” Therefore, Shadai is the name of God implying His will and ability to set limits, to only go so far.

    /Hillel/

  • whoah, chesticles galore. the before and after pictures are pretty interesting though, those of you who can navigate a site in hebrew.

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