Now, I’ve lived in Israel for a good chunk of 2005. And for all the travails this most Zionist of entities has put me through, at the very least I always had two trusty standbys to fall back on: great weather and great hummus.
I’m a sun child. I hate cold. I hate snow. I don’t much care for rain. I think the Negev has about the best weather possible. So, with this meteorological perspective in mind, could someone please explain to me…
WHAT ARE THESE GRAY PUFFY THINGS IN THE SKY AND WHY IS THERE WATER FALLING OUT OF THEM?!
Oh, sure, they warned me about Jerusalem winters, but damn, Jerusalem, baby, why can’t you let me down easy? Why does it gotta be four months of nothing but warm weather and sunshine and then boom, chill and gray and blustery and wet? And why are Israeli apartments all built with tile floors and huge windows like it’s eternal summer? Oh, why oh why?
Apparently, according to my friends who pay attention to this kind of thing, having rain during Sukkot before the prayer in the Amidah switches from dew to rain is bad luck and sign of God’s displeasure. So, in honor of this First Jerusalem Rainfall, I propose a little quiz: What is The Big Guy Pissed About?
a) The heartless expulsion of Jews from the Holy Land of Israel by the Rasha Government
b) Black American gentiles not studying enough Torah (the Ovadiah Yosef theory)
c) Black American gentiles studying too much Torah
d) Gay marriage
e) Nosson Slifkin
f) Grand Muffti
g) The Jewlicious/Jewschool spat
h) The troops of the Great Satan occupying Muslim Land
i) This probably has less to do with God and more to do with the fact that Sukkot is late this year which makes it simply much more statistically likely for the first rainfall to take place before or during the holiday
Vote now! Vote often!
Meanwhile, I’m going to be praying that now that the weather has gone south, the hummus stays good.