Decrying Zionist control of the media, of the world and of his own personal career and nuclear output, a petulant Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad appeared at an Islamic Music Video Awards Show in Zahedan, Iran with the word “SLAVE” prominently etched onto his cheek.

Embroiled in a constant battle to one-up himself in terms of sparking controversy, Ahmadinejad stated to the assembled crowd: “They have invented a myth that Jews were massacred and place this above God, religions and the prophets. If somebody in their country questions God, nobody says anything, but if somebody denies the myth of the massacre of Jews, the Zionist loudspeakers and the governments in the pay of Zionism will start to scream.”

Bitterly complaining about Zionist-influenced demands that Iran allow international supervision of its nuclear program, Ahmadinejad continued:

“Those who themselves produce nuclear arms should not raise hue and cry against those who only want to gain access to nuclear technology for peaceful purposes. Countries which have arsenals of nuclear, chemical and biological weapons which can be used against other countries at their whim and those who supplied the Baathist regime with (chemical) weapons that killed thousands of innocent Iranians … now go to all lengths to block Iran from gaining access to peaceful nuclear technology. We are sure they have criminal intentions, and there was never any doubt that they were piling weapons of mass destruction to be used against less powerful nations.”

In his closing remarks, the President informed the audience “…if the world shall continue to bow to Zionist desires and approve of Zionist murder of Muslims, I shall be forced, in order to bring further publicity to plight of the Iranian people, to ascend the stage wearing assless pants.”

Sources in the Iranian government indicate that Ahmadinejad also plans to officially change his name to the unpronounceable symbol of the Iranian Red Lion and Sun Society, and, should that fail to garner world sympathy for Iranian nuclear ambitions and plans to destroy Israel, become a Jehovah’s Witness and release an old-school funk album.

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