Party in Kfar Tapuach: It’s the Joint.

If for some reason coming into contact with ultra-extremist religious right-wing settler-types doesn’t make you want to eat a mess of pork ribs and hop in bed with the first icy blond Scandinavian you see, might I suggest hopping an armored bus to Kfar Tapuach, the Kahanist Samarian settlement currently home to Israel’s hottest party?

That’s right. The wacky guys of Kfar Tapuach who, apparently religious forbidden from not taking everything extremely seriously, let off steam by standing in circles and mumbling stupid crap in Aramaic, are in the midst of celebrations set off by the deterioration of Ariel Sharon’s health.

Far-right activists took credit Thursday for the severe deterioration in Ariel Sharon’s health, claiming that a pulsa denura – Aramaic for “lashes of fire” – death curse they instigated against the prime minister in July was the real catalyst behind his current state of health.

“I take full responsibility for what happened,” far-right activist Baruch Ben-Yosef, one of the participants at the July pulsa denura, told The Jerusalem Post. “Our pulsa denura kicked in. Nothing could kill Sharon and he said his ancestors lived until they over 100 years old but we got him with the pulsa denura.”

On Wednesday night, Ben-Yosef and additional far-right activists gathered in the Samaria settlement of Kfar Tapuah to honor Binyamin Kahane – son of Meir Kahane – and his wife Talya who were murdered by Palestinian terrorists exactly five years ago. Upon hearing the news of Sharon’s stroke, Ben-Yosef said, the group broke out in song and dance and celebrated the prime minister’s fall throughout the night.

On Thursday, the activists said it was not a coincidence that Sharon fell gravely ill the same day as Kahane’s murder. “There is a judge in this world,” Ben-Gvir said. “[Prime minister] Yitzhak Rabin was killed on the fifth anniversary of Meir Kahane’s murder and Sharon fell ill on the anniversary of Binyamin Kahane’s murder.”

On Thursday, Ben-Gvir held a party at his Hebron home to celebrate the “annulment of evil decrees against the people of Israel.”

I kind of have this mental image of a bunch of fatasses with knitted kippot and M-16s holding hands dancing around in a circle singing “Ding dong the witch is dead,” but that just might be my overactive imagination.

But seriously, folks. Pulsa denura. Exotic death curses. When did Judaism become as theologically advanced as the Office Voodoo Kit? When people who are theoretically supposed to be the spiritual leaders of your religion are putting great stock in something available for $9.95 on Amazon.com, isn’t there a problem somewhere? But maybe I’m being unfair. At the very least, being an idiot who believes in pulsa denura curses and the rabbis who make them is cheaper than being a Kabbalah Centre devotee and dropping 4 grand on a Zohar. Apparently all you need is a knit kippa or shtreimel and a chub-hiding man-mumu.

Ultimately, it all seems rather convenient. Although logically had the pulsa denura truly been effective it would have killed Sharon before the disengagement, something tells me that no matter when he dies, even if he had lived to be 120, the pulsa denuraniks would have taken responsibility. That’s the beauty of vague death curses. To wit: I don’t really like Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Abra cadabra! Hocus pocus! Alakazam! Shim shiminee! Hackensack! I curse him to die! Oooooooooooh!

And when he does, be it tomorrow or forty years from now, it’s all going to be because of me. Just you wait.

Of course, to be fair, not all extremist dickheads attribute Sharon’s death to the pulsa denura. Some claim that it was because of the little children.

[Pulsa denura participant Yosef] Dayan said that while he could not say for certain that the death curse caused the stroke, he was sure that Sharon’s crime in evacuating the Gaza Strip settlements contributed to the deterioration in his health.

“This is a great day for Israel since that evil man is gone.” Dayan said. “I am convinced that God heard the prayers of the children in Gush Katif. When those kids were thrown from their homes they prayed and God heard their prayers.”

I don’t know about you, but when I was a kid I prayed for things like world peace and health for my family and Nintendo. Apparently for the children of Gush Katif, however, it goes more like, “Now I lay me down to sleep / I pray the Lord my soul to keep / and if I should die before I wake / I pray the Lord takes out that motherfucker Sharon before I go. Oh, and may God bless mommy and daddy and my little sister. Amen.”

What are we teaching the children these days?

In any case, I think we should take Baruch Ben-Yosef at his word. He claims full responsibility. Killing the prime minister is a criminal offense. Lock him up! Throw away the key! Let’s see how well a pulsa denura works when they try him in the showers.

About the author

michael

30 Comments

  • Why are you smearing tens of thousands of patriotic, sincerely religious people by pointing to this handful of idiots?

    Would it be equally fair to equate all left-wing Israelis with the kooks who join Palis in stoning our own soldiers?

  • I will take that spare ribs offer up, but could I have a brunette, kosher one, if possible (she may us any language, even Swedish on me)?

    And thanks for that post. I did not expect the celebrations so soon. Fucking bastards. Ben-Yosef and Ben-Gvir, eh? Bin Laden would be proud of them…

    And Ben-David (sic!): the post you are so inflamed about does not talk about ALL “patriotic, sincerely religious people”, just about “extremist dicks”. If you are not one of those, why bother?

  • Snoopaleh –
    Lines like “doesn’t it just make you want to eat spareribs and marry out” imply that Judaism is defined by what these people do – so yes, that is tarring a lot of traditional Jews with what these idiots are doing.

    Those of us living in Israel have been subjected to a systematic program of delegitimization in our media – based on sloppy, emotional grandstanding like this.

  • “Those of us living in Israel have been subjected to a systematic program of delegitimization in our media – based on sloppy, emotional grandstanding like this.”

    Those of you living in Israel, dear Benny, should do something about this “handful of idiots”. Before we decide to do something about them. That may stop the overflow of emotions on both sides.

  • Is it just me, or does it seem that “Michael’s Dad” isn’t really Michael’s abba? Unless Michael’s dad is a right-of-center Germanophile. Alois, post a picture of you and Michael! 😉

  • Michael: Why are you going after Gush Katif kids — haven’t they suffered enough? Its the middle of the winter, many of them haven’t seen their winter clothes since they were boxed up this summer and are in some G-d forsaken warehouse, and there’s no real news saying anything about them insulting Sharon. And why are you tying them into Kfar Tapuach? What’s you point?

    Lastly, I suggest you read Ben-Chorin’s official truce document between the Looney Left and Right before you go off the deep-end yourself:

    http://benchorin.blogspot.com/2006/01/ben-chorins-official-call-for-lunatic.html

  • I’m making fun of the statement by Yosef Dayan that the prayers of Gush Katif children caused Sharon’s stroke, which is a ridiculous statement, unless Gush Katif kids are actually praying for God to strike down Sharon, in which case…well…they have problems. So, please, read first.

    And I’m not going off any deep ends. I make fun of everybody who’s full of bullshit, the left, the right, the secular, the religious. Although religious rightists seem to be more sensitive about it than everybody else. You know, make fun of some stupid rabbis and suddenly you’re smearing thousands of people.

  • Michael,
    you win the prize of this month’s most ignorant post, and the month just started. There’s no point in even trying to discuss anything about it.

    BTW, have you ever been to Tapuach and met one of these people or do you rely only on what you read in the ‘mainstream’ media?

  • josh, are they or are the not celebrating at the demise of a fellow jew? Regardless of ones politics, is that or is that not reprehensible behavior to the utmost degree?

  • Laya, they are very marginal and not worth writing of posting about, but they have the right to make these prayers. Once you start surpressing people’s rights to gather and form a group, where does it end?

  • Josh: you’re a bit of crybaby for a grown man. It’s not the most brilliant tactic to call someone ignorant without any sort of backup. And yes, I have met people from Kfar Tapuach, and trust me, I don’t need the scare-quoted “mainstream” media to tell me that Kahanists and their fellow extremists are, you know, racist pigs and stuff.

    Or do you support silly voodoo death curses (actually, that’s being cruel to voodoo)and the morons that make them? If you do, I’m not the ignorant one.

  • Jobber, it would seem that whether these people are or are not worth writing about is up to the author.

    It’s interesting to note, however, that while you warn against suppressing their right to gather and rejoice over another Jews illness, it seems you would have been fine about the suppression of an article that talked about them doing just that.

    Funny how that works.

  • Though I despise these people who celebrate Sharon’s illness, as I would any Jew who is gladdened by another Jew’s suffering, I would ask that we not belittle the ‘Pulsa Denura’. Though it might be ridiculous to use it in modern times, and it is defintely being abused by some rabbis, it is still a part of the Talmud, and deserves some respect. Its denigrating to equate it with voodoo.

  • Laya ewhat is you talking about? Of course it is up to the author, I am opining that this subgroup, is not worth posting about.

  • Michael,
    Hats off son.Helluva post…just enough swearing to keep it interesting. And taltman, I hate to say it, but the Talmud also says that you can cure stomache aches by putting a live chicken on your tummy. Beats tums…
    Anywho, as confused as you may be about whether you like sharon or not, if you care about this country, you should probably be crying, b/c it looks like our next PM is someone that people didn’t really trust to be mayor. Which kinda scares me a bit…

  • Just so you know, the IP address is in Israel and no one has ever commented from that IP before. However it’s an ADSL provider so IPs change. It’s not your Dad bc its in Israel. However, it likely is someone you know. Whoever it was used your real email address that isn’t displayed anywhere. This is what happens when you log onto Jewlicious to write a post on someone else’s computer and then neglect to log off. They are now forever logged in as you. I suggest you email me wwith a new password. And log off next time!

  • I’m not one of “them”. But I understand them very well. It’s known that Sharon planned a huge next disengagement which would chop off all Land of Israel east of the “security fence” and give it to Arab terrorist enemies. These people prayed so that Hashem prevents this man from realizing his evil and disastrous plan. That he takes him away from the seat of power, whether by death or incapacitation.

    Anyhow… Yes, Sharon was and is very popular but believe me… not all Israeli Jews are not praying for him now. I’m not praying for him. He betrayed the Land of Israel.

    By the way… I’m not religious. I am simply loyal to the Land Of Israel. I believe it belongs to Jews and should not be handed over to our enemies. A novel concept these days, I know, but hey.

  • Dufus, the man, risked his life on many occassion in war, and also saved many people in battle. He is a great leader especially in the Yom Kippur war, he probably saved the day for Israel, in terms of massive massive casualties.

    You have to know how the country got to be here, and total respect is accorded to the early Zionist leaders, of which he is one.

    Now about this disengagement thing, I was in Israel alot at the time when they started w/ this building over there, and basically everyone who bought homes over there, knew that someday it might be given back.

    Now if you want to argue that we are getting nothing in return for it, well this was a decision that the government made. You do not actually have the right to take an action against what they decided, yes you can protest and all that, but ultimately you cannot do anything against that decision.

    Most rational people believe in following rules to a basic degree.

  • I really don’t love this post but can still appreciate its sardonic wit. I see these people as the only people truly loyal to Israel and its necessary Jewish nature for survival. I’d be very sad too if I was evicted from my home and community. Sharon is a traitor, and whether it’s part of people’s prayer’s that he got ill, or because it is in fact G-d’s will, I’ll personally be happy when the fat man is gone. It’ll certainly create more space.

  • Ill play the other side here since I love to see the whole story and not lobotomize myself with 1 viewpoint. Here you are in Gush Katif, getting chucked out of your home by Jewish soldiers after struggling to move to israel from a cushy Jewish community in the US. In fact you were sent with blessings from the guy who is doing it (and who obvioulsy means well), Ariel Sharon (may he get better asap).

    Dont you have a right to be pissed? Especially now that the kassam rockets arent landing on the nursery school childrens heads in just sderot anymore – now they reach ashkelon. Gee leaving gaza makes sense now!lol.

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