I regret to inform you, our faithful readers, that we heretics and haters of !@-G-d-@!^_^ at Jewlicious have finally been stricken for our blasphemy. Maybe our buddies in Kfar Tapuach have pulsa denura-ed us. Maybe H@s-em:-) has answered the prayers of the Gush Katif children to smite us. Whatever it is, we’re all fucked.
That’s right. An East Jerusalem chicken-owner is currently hospitalized at Hadassah Ein Karem with flu-like symptoms after several of his chickens died from a mysterious illness.
Apparently Hadassah Ein Karem spokesperson Shlomo Mor-Yosef has acquired a taste for the spotlight and just has to keep upping the ante to remain on the news.
Normally I wouldn’t worry, but both Laya and I have been stricken in the past two days with a sudden illness with…wait for it…flu-like symptoms. I’ve been following my immigrant mother’s Old Country Prescription of shots of vodka followed by hot tea, but I think she only recommended that because in Communist-occupied Czernivtsi circa 1960 the sinister Reds didn’t distribute Tamiflu to the proletariat. And with Laya and me down for the count, it’s only a matter of time until The Virus works through ck’s mighty Moroccan constitution. I imagine a 28 Days Later type situation with The Stricken wandering through the streets of Jerusalem, single-minded in their pursuit of hummus and the brains of the as-yet-uninfected.
So given the impending death of fully 4/7 of Jewlicious, I can only say, tears in my eyes, to Esther, Grandmuffti and TheMiddle: don’t forget us. Carry on our proud tradition of defaming religious Jews, the children of Gush Katif, the M-n Upst-irs and/or being racist genocidal anti-Arab pigs (depending on who you ask). Jewlicious is…(sob)…in your hands now.
And to our unidentified friend from East Jerusalem, a refuah shlemah. Please don’t kill us all. And if you survive this, might I recommend vegetarianism?