Tori Spelling is in the news today! You may remember her as Donna Martin on Beverly Hills 90210, or as Alex Monday on Scary Movie 2, or from a whole slew of otherwise forgettable films and TV episodes. The 33 year-old actress, also known as the daughter of prolific television producer Aaron Spelling, announced today that she will be writing a memoir to be published in 2008 by Simon Spotlight Entertainment, a division of Simon & Schuster.
Now, I have nothing against Tori Spelling. She’s been acting since 1981. Some of the stuff she’s done has in fact been somewhat important from a pop culture perspective, even if it wasn’t, you know, deep and stuff. As a member of the Spelling household, I’m sure she’s got oodles of great inside stuff to share with a readership who is without a doubt, awaiting the publication of her memoirs with breathless anticipation. But someone has really got to reign in her PR people. There is such a thing as laying it on too thick:
“We all think we know who Tori Spelling is because she has grown up in the public eye, but her book will give readers a chance to know the real Tori – a funny and resilient young woman with a fascinating story to tell,” Jennifer Bergstrom, Vice President and Publisher of Simon Spotlight, said Monday in a statement… According to Simon Spotlight, Spelling “will let readers experience the truly unique life of Tori Spelling – from childhood privileges to tabloid misperceptions, success and regrets, and ultimately her quest to define herself on her own terms.”
Ouch. Jennifer Bergstrom obviously graduated Magna Cum Laude with a degree in Syrupy Prose from Little Bo Peep U. I think I broke one of my teeth reading that.
And what can we expect from Ms. Spelling? Well, let’s see… uh, remember last week how Britney Spears was caught by paparazzi in a very not tznius pose while exiting her car on the way to a party with her new pal Paris Hilton? Tori had these words of wisdom on what looks to be a new “going commando” trend amongst publicity-hungry female celebrities:
“I don’t think it’s a trend. Sometimes girls just don’t wear panties, and we forget to close our legs when we’re getting out of cars.”
Wow. I can’t hardly wait for the book! Will there be an inevitable Tori Spelling crotch shot just before the book’s publication date? Will a (yawn) scandalous porn tape featuring Ms. Spelling mysteriously surface? Stay tuned and welcome to the Paris Hiltonification of America.