The April 2007 issue of Gentleman’s Quarterly Magazine, commonly known as GQ, was billed as the “Love, Sex and Madness” issue. And why not? It’s spring time, it’s starting to get hot – love, sex and madness naturally follow. But what does this mean for the Jews?

Well, GQ managed to be both instructive and informative in this respect. Hidden between the well crafted verbiage and the glossy photos, one could find bold pronouncements about the state of uh… Jewish booty in the world. One could probably also read something in there about Jewish control of the media as well, but really, I’m so over that.

What the hell am I talking about? GQ presented a section called “Where to Find Her 2007” that was introduced as follows:

A whole world of smart, beautiful women are out there, from the beaches of Uruguay to the aisles of Whole Foods. We searched far and wide to discover the best spots on the planet to meet them.

So bustedMany of the obvious places were featured – Whole Foods in Chelsea, Paris, Kiev etc. but also cited were female IDF soldiers:

…the best place to meet women soldiers in Israel is at the Tel Aviv and Jerusalem central bus stations on Thursday evenings and Friday mornings as they return from basic training, dusty and exhausted. And if you get lucky, you can tell your friends that you spent an unforgettable night with someone who looked like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, felt like Angelina Jolie in Tomb Raider, and smelled like Sylvester Stallone in Rambo III.

The last mini article focused on the Matzo Ball Party in Miami where the following took place with a hot number in a spaghetti-strapped tank:

We made out, she introduced me to her whole family (including Aunt Ruth), and then she went on about how much she loved to cook and how she’d prefer to have two kids, but three would be ok, too. “So can I see you tomorrow?” she asked? I stood for a moment, dazed, the rest of my life flashing before me: wedding, kids, brises, Bar Mitzvahs, golf, death. I guess I could have seen her, but for one Matzo Ball, at least, I figured the inevitable could wait.

Hmmm… so obviously too many Jews work for GQ. And clearly, some of them are assholes. But I gotta love that whole Jews are sexy thing, especially when the Israeli part of that equation comes off as just a teeny bit sexier.

OK. A whole lot sexier. Go ahead, keep your fleshpots Babylon. Is it any wonder I’m a Zionist?

About the author

ck

Founder and Publisher of Jewlicious, David Abitbol lives in Jerusalem with his wife, newborn daughter and toddler son. Blogging as "ck" he's been blocked on twitter by the right and the left, so he's doing something right.

28 Comments

  • Okay, that’s it. I can’t hold this back anymore.

    CK: when you say ‘babylon’, especially in reference to NY, do you mean it in which of the following senses:

    1) Babylon, as in a place of Exile (post-First Temple)?

    2) Babylon, as in the dual capital (New York vs Israel) of the Jews (post-Second Temple), and residence of the Exilarch?

  • I have not had a date in one full year. ONE FULL FUCKING YEAR! NOT ONE FUCKING DATE! Just thought everyone should know that. The last one I found on Jdate was perfect except that I was his last fling before he got engaged.

    Can someone please fly me out to Israel so I can stand at the central bus station in hopes of meeting some GQ type from Manhattan? I smell a lot better than most female IDF soldiers,so maybe I’ll get lucky.

  • don”t belive all what you read! i was an israeli soldier and many of my friends are still serve in the army! we are like all girls in the world so don”t develp to mach expectation!!!
    by the way, iam sorry on my bad english…

  • don”belive all what ypu read in magazins!!! i was a soldier and many of my friends are still serve in the army. we like all girls in the world! your chances to find a “date” is similar to find a date in your own country! good luck!

  • Bringing proof of “Babylon’s” wasteland from a Matzo Ball in Miami is like bring proof of Tel Aviv’s lack of culture from a disco in Afula.

    Nyeh.

  • Oyster,

    As you know, the Jews lived in Babylon during the 2nd commonwealth, and many did not return when that optioned opened.

    ck, of course, thinks the Jews who didn’t return to Israel were wrong, and uses Babylon both as a synonym for the the Jews in the U.S., and frequently pegs NYC as the “heart of Babylon,” as it is the center of the Diaspora. It is also to signal that their decision to remain is unfortunate, and not to let little things like nuclear proliferation of hostile Muslim states with contacts to terrorist groups scare us off from competing in a small economy and all Jews scrambling for the same shekel.

    Oyster, you have to understand — it is part of religious-Zionist and haredi culture to misappropriate aspects of secular-Diaspora culture and pretend they are emblematic. Hence, a matzo-ball party in Miami shows why NYC sucks, or writers for GQ are examples of Jewish-writers generally.

  • Kelsey, bubbeleh… I have nothing against the Matzo Ball Party! I think they are awesome whether they take place in Miami or Boca or Boston or New York. But look at the different perspectives – not the women, for all women are awesome – but the men.

    The Israeli guy who wrote the blurb on female Israeli soldiers didn’t talk about complications or difficulties or anything. His ideal woman was earthy and smelly and real and that wasn’t an issue – and if she spent any time with you, you would have to consider yourself lucky.

    The Jewish diasporah writer on the other hand, is an asshole. He goes to a party – obviously in the hopes of meeting someone, and then he does. All indications are that she’s cute and soon after meeting she shows him that she likes him too and they are making out. THEN the dillweed freaks out! She’s coming on too strong! She wants to see him tomorrow! She’s into a serious relationship! So what does he do? He blows her off! What a dick! Well I hope he enjoys blowing his load into a kleenex. Seems that’s a better option for many Jewish guys of a certain persuasion than having to deal with a Jewish woman who knows what she wants.

    Why are so many diasporah Jewish men so friggin emasculated? Why all the neuroses? Why won’t any of these assholes fight me when I openly flirt with their women? Yeah, yeah. They’re dark and complicated.

    No they’re not. They’re friggin children. Save yourself boys. Come to Israel. Feel the rush of testosterone after only one bite of Hummus. Ladies? You are welcome in the holy land too. You are all godesses and ought to be worshipped.

    Huzzah!

  • Why are so many diasporah [sic] Jewish men so friggin emasculated?

    Why are so many Israeli Jewish men uzi-obsessed shitheads whose solitary cultural contribution is inventing new ways to say “Fuck your mother”?

    Oh, wait, that was a generalization, sorry.

  • I know. I wasn’t referring to him. I was just making a generalization as insipid as his own.

  • Please. I stand by my generalization. Not all diasporah [sic] men are as I describe but many are. How many are “many?” Well, certainly more than a roomful. Definitely. Nothing insipid about my observation EV. Sorry if it sounds a bit too close to home.

    🙂

    btw – Uzis are so 1967.

  • It is insipid, and it’s the product of the little-brother insecurity that gnaws at so many Zionists who watch their Diaspora counterparts living fully vibrant and fulfilling lives. How many are “many”? Well, certainly more than a roomful. Sorry if that sounds a bit too close to home, ck my love.

  • It may not be insecurity. It may be hubris. It may also be residue of that ol’ Diaspora-Jew (shtetl Jew) rejectionism of early Zionism.

  • This conversation makes me want to die.

    I’ll settle this little pissing match: Jews, whether in the Diaspora or in Israel, are, like most everyone else, a gaggle of idiots. Whether they’re neurotic Diaspora enthusiasts who commit the venial sin of not fighting some random motherfucker for control of their becunted property, or hummus-loving Israelis with more chest hair than brain cells, they are equally fucking stupid. They are people. They are miserable no matter which side of the ocean you’re on. Women too. Israeli women are, believe it or not, just as fantastically shallow as their Diasporic counterparts. Because they’re all – here we go again – people.

    So if you take nothing else from me in your lives, take this: no matter where in the world you are, you’re going to struggle to find a few kindred spirits in a sea of undifferentiated idiocy. Zionism, believe it or not, did not solve that particular aspect of the human condition.

    So can we stop having these pointless motherfucking back-and-forths? If you like good pizza and abundant culture, live in New York. If you like good hummus and abundant sunshine, live in Israel. And SHUT THE FUCK UP.

  • I have abundant sunshine and chummus in Long Beach, but we don’t have pizza or culture. Where should I live Michael? I love them all.

  • As an outsider in many ways I don’t think I understand the whole picture about Jewish people with regard to dating and/or attempts to find a mate, but is it really such a big deal to find a Jewish mate?

    I mean, if some rules (or social pressure or whatever) say you should find a Jewish mate to make your offspring properly Jewish (I guess it’s an oversimplification but please have patience) but at the same time, if it’s very, very hard to find those Jewish mates with whom one has matching chemistries etc., then why not change the rules to adapt better to the current situation?

    The rules clearly are not up-to-date if people are left out in the cold in the whole dating scene, because, pragmatically thinking, I’d say a mixed couple is better than no couple at all. So why would one try to look for dates in only one place?

    And I congratulate CK for the very hot picture of this post!

  • Actually, Finnish, as I understand the prevailing viewpoint, no couple at all is better than a mixed couple.

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