A team from Tel Aviv University’s Institute of Archaeology found teeth while digging in a cave that are believed to be the oldest human remains ever found. At 400,000 years old they are twice as old as any other known remains and suggest that human life began in Israel and not in Africa. Professor Avi Gopher (Yes. “Gopher”) said:

“It is accepted at the moment that the earliest Homo sapiens that we know is in east Africa and is 200,000 years old, or a little less. We don’t know of anywhere else where anyone claims to have an earlier Homo sapiens…”

Already, a homo sapien representative is petitioning the United Nations Human Rights Commission with demands that Israel respect all homo sapiens’ right of return and provide reparations for lost land. In a nod to Palestinian and Muslim claims over Israel, the representative asserted that this right of return did not apply to Jews who were colonialist usurpers, violators of homo sapien rights and descended from “monkeys and pigs.” In response to yet another claim of occupation, self-styled progressive secular Israelis are packing their bags and moving to a petting zoo in Berkley, California.

About the author

ck

Founder and Publisher of Jewlicious, David Abitbol lives in Jerusalem with his wife, newborn daughter and toddler son. Blogging as "ck" he's been blocked on twitter by the right and the left, so he's doing something right.

12 Comments

    • Just for the record DK, I see no contradiction between evolution and the Torah. Godly time and human time are not the same and an all powerful diety can, by definition, do anything.

  • this is the most racist and stupid blog
    lol
    The zionist ppl are so madness, israelis and nazis are the same

    • Dear Tirza,

      You are very silly. This is a satire. As in other countries, some Israelis are good people, some Israelis are bad people, and most (like most of all human beings) have both positive and negative qualities. Moreover, Israelis and Nazis are NOT the same. If you cannot tell the difference then your understanding of world history is very impoverished.

      • Dear Marion.

        1400 civilian ppl of Palestine was killed by the IDF Army and 5000 wounded`s in 2008, 70% was civilians, all ppl in Israel participates in Army, Israel is an military society. The Palestinians suffering the apart-heid, the wall, econimic and medical blockade racism since 63 years ago.

        If you cannot see the real situation, am sorry,but the zionists and nazis make the same job, everybody know them.

  • @CK

    I only meant that the oldest humans were found in the Holyland đŸ˜‰

    Where does the Torah say Gan Eden is at? I somehow feel modern day Iraq sounds right, but you would know better.

    • I know Lori, I know. Some have indeed speculated that Gan Eden is in Iraq but apparently it’s by a cave just east of Tel Aviv maybe? Given the serpent and all I was gonna say Gan Eden was in my pants but I figured that wouldn’t be appropriate…

  • Some have indeed speculated that Garden of Eden is in Iraq?

    My guess is, if most colonies got started Egypt and Iraq area, my guess is, since the Good Lord chased Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden and did not want them to return.

    Then I would have the Garden of Eden on a chunk of land way a way from where there is any habitant’s at all? But then it’s only a guess as the good Lord and Adam and Eve are the only one’s that know for sure!!!!!

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