The Smurfs, Foreskin Man, Russel Crowe and Leonard Nimoy conspire to make me exclaim “WTF!!?”
First French Sociologist and lecturer at the famous Sciences Po in Paris, Antoine BuÃ©no deconstructs the Smurfs (les schtroumpfs) in a way only the French can in his book Le Petite Livre Bleu. His conclusion? The otherwise lovable blue creatures are anti-Semitic, racist, sexist “archetype[s] of totalitarian society imbued with Stalinism and Nazism.” How so? Well, there’s the smurf’s enemy, the evil, dirty, hook-nosed, gold-obsessed Gargamel – obviously a Jew, and his Jew cat Azrael. Papa Smurf with his red pants and hat acts as the undisputed leader of a society where none of the members own property – Papa Smurf? Uncle Joe Stalin? Get it? And this utopian, nearly estrogen-free society has only one female smurf, Smurfette who with her blond hair represents the Aryan ideal. As for racism, what are we to make of a storyline whereby sick smurfs turn black, run around yelling “gnash, gnash” and “lose all trace of intelligence and become completely moronic?” BuÃ©no has pissed off Smurf fans around the world and now fears for his life. The Smurfs 3D starring Neal Patrick Harris opens in the US on July 29.
Matthew Hess is an anti-circumcision activist and the man behind anti-circumcision ballot efforts in San Francisco and Santa Monica. Turns out he’s also the creator of a comic book character, the vaguely aryan, incredibly buff Foreskin Man. Foreskin Man is the secret alter ego of “…Miles Hastwick, a retired corporate scientist who now heads the Museum of Genital Integrity, throws wild yacht parties with lots of booze and [remarkably] busty babes [and insanely buff men] off the coast of San Diego and coincidentally shares the initials and hometown of his creator Hess (though also blond, in real life Hess looks like a dork). So Foreskin Man does battle with this Rabbi called Monster Mohel, drawn like a caricature straight out of Der Sturmer, and his armed Haredi goon squad. Yeah, that’s what I said. Armed. Haredi. Goon. Squad. Foreskin Man prevents the circumcision of baby Glick by beating on the Jew Rabbi and making away with the child who he then leaves in the care of a hippie, motorcycle gang called the Inactivist Underground. The Hot babe leader promises to raise him as one of their own, thus saving the day! Hess’s response to accusations of anti-Semitism? SFGate reports it as such: “A lot of people have said that, but we’re not trying to be anti-Semitic. We’re trying to be pro-human rights.” My response? If you want to avoid accusations of anti-Semitism, do not use Der Sturmer as your style-guide in depicting Jews. Asshole.
Speaking of foreskins, actor Russel Crowe unwisely waded into the whole circumcision debate. Unwise because he was obviously having a bad day and tweeted impolitically. To say the least. Crowe tweeted:
â€œCircumcision is barbaric and stupid. Who are you to correct nature? Is it real that GOD requires a donation of foreskin? Babies are perfect.â€ … He added: â€œMany Jewish friends, I love my Jewish friends, I love the apples and the honey and the funny little hats but stop cutting yr babies… â€œI will always stand for the perfection of babies, I will always believe in God, not man’s interpretation of what God requires… â€œLast of it, if u feel it is yr right 2 cut things off yr babies please unfollow and f— off, I’ll take attentive parenting over barbarism.â€ … The outburst provoked dozens of responses from his followers. One said: â€œThere’s actually a scientific reason for [circumcision], u should google it.â€ … Crowe replied: â€œMy friend, “human” science has caused too much damage, don’t be a moron.â€ … Another follower told him: â€œI disagree on Circumcision , It’s more hygienic and nobody remembers itâ€, to which Crowe replied â€œHygienic? Why don’t you sew up your a– then?” The follower then seemingly offered to fight Crowe if he was ever in Newfoundland… Crowe also apparently likened circumcision to human sacrifice, when another follower asked: â€œYou are comparing sexual mutilation w/ a jewish ceremonial act?!â€
He replied: â€œCan you actually read the words you just typed ” a ceremonial act” , F— that. The Mayans had ceremonial acts too.â€
Unwise also because his last movie The Next Three Days cost $35,000,000 but only netted $21,129,348 at the box office. Sure he won an Oscar for Gladiator but that was 11 years ago. Crowe once told the producer the British Film Awards that he would never work in Hollywood because he pissed him off. Now the tables threaten to turn, eh? You think the town and industry that produces the massive but annoying Chabad Telethon is going to look kindly on Crowe’s angry tweets? I don’t think so. Look for Crowe’s next movie, coming… never to a theater near you!
Aw just kidding. It’s a free country. Crowe’s next movie is called The Man with the Iron Fists and I’m sure it’s going to be awesome. Don’t know what he’s doing after that though.
Speaking of celebrities expressing opinions that they are clearly not qualified to express an opinion on, 80 year-old Leonard Nimoy, famous for his role as Spock in Star Treck recently endorsed a two State solution whereby Jerusalem would be divided between a new Palestinian state and Israel. In a fund raising letter he wrote on behalf of The Americans for Peace Now, the Canadian Jewish actor and performer stated:
… there is an end in sight. It’s known as the two-state solution – a secure, democratic Israel as the Jewish State alongside an independent Palestinian state… “There is a sizable number of influential voices in Israel saying the same thingâ€¦ a call for two states for two nations. Their plan includes a Palestinian state alongside Israel with agreed-upon land swaps. The Palestinian-populated areas of Jerusalem would become the capital of Palestine; the Jewish-populated areas the capital of Israel.”
Nimoy of course makes no mention of reciprocity, the complications inherent in a Hamas/PA unity government, the fate of Gilad Schalit, the viability of a divided Jerusalem where over 70% of the Palestinian population want to remain within Israel, etc. etc. But still. This is Spock! Pay attention people! This is the guy that sand and performed the Ballad of Bilbo Baggins:
Yeah, we’re down with that Leonard. I won’t tell you to shut the fuck up of course, but, come on. Dude! WTF!!?
As an addendum to this post… Rep. Anthony Weiner (D – N.Y.). I remain mortified both by the original story and the continued press punnery. I have nothing more to add.