Whoever votes in favor of such a delay will carry an air of dickishness for the duration of the legislative session.

Jerusalem, November 30 – The Knesset Legislative Committee voted unanimously today to postpone a plenum vote on a bill to declare moving back the scheduled date and time of a vote on legislation a dick move.

Lawmakers debated the proposal along with several more controversial pieces legislation, including a bill that would retroactively legalize a group of houses in the community of Amona that the High Court ruled sits on privately-owned Palestinian land that must be returned instead of reimbursed. The committee also delayed a vote on the muezzin law, which seeks to limit the volume of the Muslim call to prayer at certain early-morning hours, and a bill to alter the default child custody arrangement upon a couple’s divorce. The latter three garnered most of the political and media attention, but the sponsor of the Dick Move Law felt just as strongly about the treatment of his proposal.

“This is exactly why we need such a law,” lamented Likud MK Yehuda Glick, who is not a member of the committee. “I’m sorry to say that delaying a vote on the Dick Move Law is itself one of the biggest dick moves possible under the circumstances.”

If passed, the Dick Move Law would officially designate whoever proposes a delay to the scheduled vote on a law would be officially designated a dick, and whoever votes in favor of such a delay will carry an air of dickishness for the duration of the legislative session. If the vote and consequent dick move occurs after the halfway point in a session, the air of dickishness will persist halfway through the subsequent session.

Perpetrators of a dick move will have “dick” appended to various documentation and forms they file in the Knesset, and the clerks processing those forms or handling those documents will be free to treat dickishness with disdain and vindictiveness. Legislators tarred with mere dickishness, but not the stain of authoring a bona fide dick move, will be forced to wait at the end of the line in the MK cafeteria, and will be barred from cutting into the queue as if to discuss important pending legislation with a colleague already waiting in line, which itself would be kind of a dick move.

Glick declined to designate today’s delay as a dick move, saying that it would only be possible once the law passes. “Also, I can see the Finance Committee voting not to provide adequate funding for this law, even though it would have minimal cost. THAT wouldn’t need an official designation to be a dick move.”


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PreOccupied Territory

PreOccupied Territory writes the news a few days in advance, because nothing we can think of is too absurd to happen in the Middle East.