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Jewish Men are Hot!

19 years ago
77 Comments
by ck
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Zink Magazine, Summer 2005Except for David Kelsey of course.

Ubber trendy fashion magazine ZINK ended it’s latest issue with an homage to Jewish men by decidedly non-Jewish writer Kristina Grish. In her Fresh Ink column she writes:

As far as I’m concerned, there is no man more delicious than the tall, dark and circumcised. Yes, I’m talking about a Hebrew Honey – a Jewish man who makes your laughter his priority; is wildly intense, inside the bedroom and out; and analyzes your relationship more than you do … A Jewish man always makes you feel like the only woman in the world. Even when his world isn’t exactly yours. Even if you’re a Shiksa.

She then goes on to wax poetic about specific Jewish men whom she’s “wrapped her head and legs around.” For instance there was Josh:

Whose Mom, while over brisket on Christmas Eve, insisted my best quality is that I’m just like her – give or take a few pounds. So when Josh said I laughed, smelled, talked, hugged or cooked like the woman who gave him life, I took it as a compliment. Impression made? Mirroring Mom’s MO (a hand on the shoulder, a kiss on the forehead) can subconsciously put a guy at ease when coaxing him out of a mood swing or into a Tiffany shopping spree.

Or how about Seth…

Who helped me redefine The Sexy Schtup. Seth proved that having more body hair than a yak can be incredibly hot, in a primal sort of way … and told me that yelling “Jesus, I’m coming” could technically mean I’m dying or climaxing – and is therefore, a troubling cry during sex.

Or Howard …

Who taught me that self-deprecating humor always beats the blues – and that story telling is more fun peppered with Yiddish. Like the time I snatched the last Marc Jacobs tote from a WASP at Loehmann’s, and Howard assured me I wasn’t a selfish bitch. I simply had chutzpah.

Finally there was Paul (Paul???) …

Who taught me that neurotic rambling like “This may be my paranoia brought on by general instability brought on by movements in my own personal tectonic plates, but I have this horrible feeling that that I have done something to offend or disappoint you” isn’t always cause for immediate concern. It can simply mean, “Call me.”

Pretty funny, huh? Maybe a little thought provoking too. I mean here we have this Krisitina woman extolling sexy traits she finds in Jewish men – strong attachment to Mothers, hairy bodies, the liberal use of Yiddishisms and neurotic ramblings. What’s whacky is that these are the very same traits that many Jewish women find unnattractive in Jewish men. And why are all these Jewish guys so nice to these non-Jewish women? Is it because they’re all excited about having bagged a shiksa and tasting the forbidden fruit? Does this mean it is now open season on Jewish men?? Does familiarity really breed contempt?

I don’t know. But one thing’s definitely clear, especially given the latest statistics regarding intemarriage. Shiksas – they’re not just for target practice any more. Discuss.

ck
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ck

Founder and Publisher of Jewlicious, David Abitbol lives in Jerusalem with his wife, newborn daughter and toddler son. Blogging as "ck" he's been blocked on twitter by the right and the left, so he's doing something right.

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77 Comments

  • This is really interesting, You are a very skilled blogger. Ive joined your rss feed and look ahead to in quest of extra of your fantastic post. Additionally, I have shared your website in my social networks!

  • Honeslty Jsirpicco,
    I’ve just read through your posts again; perhaps you should remove the *sir* portion of your handle? If I ever happen to meet you (unfortunately, a very slim chance), I will give you the hardest kicking you are ever likely to recieve. You are a discrace to our people – not even infantile Tay-Sachs is an excuse for your hideous tongue.

  • Jsirpicco: Thankyou, on behalf of all the Jews in the world, for dramatically shifting our IQ bell-curve to the left. It’s morons like you who nearly sunk us during the war!! Sometimes a little discression goes a f*cking long way. Schmuck.

  • jsirpicco: I resent the view you have of women who aren’t Jewish (shiksas). Being Catholic, I fall under the catergory of a shiksa correct? Well, I just so happen to be brunette, intelligent, and abstinent (a virgin until marriage). It upsets me that you made a comment that implied a shiksa as blonde, having been with uncircumsized men (implying all non-Jewish girls are having sex), and dumb (not to mention the other offensive things in your comment). Bottom line, we are all human – we’re physically capable of the same thing (with the exception of physical or mental handicaps but that is not defined through a religion or lack there of).

  • Kristina Grish’s article, full of stereotypes. Same with many postings here….many stereotypes. Kristina Grish really does have an obssession for Jewish men. She is a non-Jew who knows so little about non-Jewish men, she hasn’t figured out what MOST non-Jewish women already know: MOST NON-JEWISH MEN ARE CIRCUMCISED IN THE U.S.!!!!! Being Jewish isn’t a requirement for being circumcised in the U.S. I’m not Jewish, I take it for granted that most men in the U.S. are circumcised. Not ‘cos I’ve slept around with many men (I’ve only been with 3), but it’s just a FACT most American men are circumcised. Jew or not. Fact is, Europeans who converted to Christianity from paganism, they began circumcising their male babies. The majority religion in the U.S. is one form or another of Christianity. I’m amazed to be saying this, I take this so for granted! It’s taken for granted in the U.S. that male babies will be circumcised. Kristina Grish really has lead a sheltered life if she hasn’t figured this out. She never saw the penis of a non-Jew, it seems. I guess she assumes all those guys in Playgirl must be Jewish. Really unbelievable!

  • I am sickened by some of the stuff I’ve read here. Really, and you bastards wonder why the rest of th world hates you so much.

    I’m a gentile, and UNCIRCUMCISED, and I’ve fucked more Jewesses than you’ve had hot dinners. And every single one of them loved it. So fuck you.

  • Hey Guys! All your comments about the non-jewish girls sounds like you’ve been slumming. Take it from a girl who has Jewish ancestry-parents from mid-west farm country and HIDING IT–it sounds like the Jewish girls are identical to myself!! AND, am I different from your experiences? I love sex and want it ALOT and I am not a pervert. Could it be you guys just try to get, get, get and not give, give, give while you are getting? Anyway, I try to look past your immaturity and get myself AND I haven’t met any rednecks that have an IQ past their shoe size AND the Jewish men a slight older do seem to behave more like my family.

  • not really…you don’t get the full-blown neurosis of the born Jew when you marry a giorus…..but at least they’re low maintenance! (yikes, and here comes the troll squad to smash my head in!!!!)

  • Hevre,
    Do you all know what “melchemet achim” is?
    This is what is going on here. Everybody thinks that they are right, which is the problem of jewish people all over.

  • themiddle, I have no clue what kitten heels are. But I do owe a couple of stilettos.

  • re #43:
    JSIRPICCO– let’s not knock aspergers syndrome, please. with thousands of people who read this site, it’s quite possible that at least a couple really do have aspergers . . .

  • Sure, you’re Michael’s mom, how can you ever be wrong. Vindicated indeed.

    By the way, do you own a pair of shoes with kitten heels?

  • Michael’s dad, we better cut out the chitchat before Michael gets really upset and withdraws our posting privileges.

  • themiddle, you are, you are! But you I knew already. And besides, you are not just (better strike that out before other important commenters jump on my ass)exactly a commenter. Am I vindicated?

  • Michael’s mother (hey, haven’t we met before?): I wanted to tell Simon to FOAD too, but phrased it a little more judiciously. I figured you’d be home from work soon and would unleash a proper FOAD. Thankee.

  • jsirpicco and Tom Morrissey, thanks for the laughs. With commenters like you, maybe I’ll stick around.

    SIMON, FOAD.

  • C’mon, CK, tell that one. It’s a good story!

    And when y’gonna be in Muffti’s neck of the woods?

  • Greensboro NC apparently. True Jew Simon, I forgive you for being so cantankerous. G*d knows what I would be like if I too was a true Jew who lived in Greensboro. Greensboro for those of you who don’t know is like, major redneck Klan Kountry. Also lots of white power printed material comes out of Greensboro. I myself had to be escorted out of Greensboro by the Sheriff for “my own protection” after me and a couple of Korean dudes had a scrap with some rednecks at a pool hall in the middle of the afternoon. Oy, don’t ask. Have a peaceful shabat Simon. Try to be less angry and stuff.

    And people? Please try to be chill with Simon, you seriously have no idea about Greensboro …

  • Hey Simon…like, what? Sure you cain’t tell difference between people having a good time and uhm…something different? Are you living a pathetically lonely life somewhere, not married, asperger’s syndromed out, wandering the streets wondering why you just can’t meet that certain special one? I think I know why…uhm…and if you are married, well, yikes! Just don’t reproduce, okay?

  • RE(#36) JSIRPICCO, ALL I CAN SAY IS, THE HOLOCAUST WAS CREATED BY IDEALISTS LIKE YOURSELF. YOU ARE A TRUE ANTI-SEMITE, AS ARE THE REST OF YOU ON THIS SITE.

    SIMON, (A TRUE JEW)

  • (RE#35) ISRAEL AND A GOOD PORTION OF THOSE BOOKS ARE OLDER THAN 2000 YEARS. DUDE.FORGET ANYTHING OVER 5 MINUTES AGO.IT’S NOT YOUR THING. STICK TO OSEM AND OTHER TRASH THAT POP-CULTURE MORON LIKE YOU CAN RELATE TO….

  • Re: (#37)See, I TOLD YOU GUYS! Long time ago – this blog should be about sports….with a secret password for the REAL blog for Jews…Tom, I KNEW it…I JUST KNEW IT RE what goes on inside goyishe homes…..

    But here’s a story – Once upon a time, Jsirpicco was on a swim team with this guy, a non-Jew…Protestant, I think but I can never quite tell the difference, except that Catholics are REALLY emotionally and guilt ridden in a weird, cold way that makes me almost nasueous, and Protestants are just well, Cold, unemotional, no-sex the whole thing…Anyway, these people were Protestant and the mother was like Church lady from SNL….so after a swim meet one time, they took me and my friend (their son) to Friendly’s Restaurant (now THERE’S a Goyishe hangout if ever there was one! but this was back in the day)…so of course we ordered, and all that…I must have been about 12 or so…And at the end of the meal, the father and mother -HAND ME MY OWN CHECK!!!!!!! Meaning, they expected ME, their guest and all, to pay for my own FRIENDLY’S MEAL?????!!!!! I was shocked, flabergasted, blown away…it was like woah…goyim REALLY ARE DIFFERENT! Never, never never, in a million, zillion years, would a Jewish family (and yes, I know all about cheap jokes and that….), but never in a million, zillion years would a Jewish family make a kid – a friend of their son, PAY FOR HIS OWN MEAL WHEN THEY TAKE HIM OUT TO LUNCH???????

    People – I say this only so you will know and protect yourselves…Next time you go to Friendlys with a goyishe family…BRING YOUR WALLET OR BE PREPARED TO WASH DISHES!!!

  • Now you want to know what goes on inside our HOMES? You mean, when we’re not reading Mein Kampf or the Protocols of the Elders of Zion during commercial breaks on the Fox News Network? Plotting the Christian takeover of America, of course, whattya think?

  • TM…Feeling the soul thing when with a chick is a Jewish THANG, Tom, so of course you’re not going to miss it – cuz you never felt the difference…(being the gentile in the equation….) but I’m telling you, for Jews -when you’re with Jews, it’s way different than when with non-Jews…just the way it is…

    Second…I’m saying Jewish chicks OF COURSE ARE WAY MORE CO-DEPENDENT, neurotic, weird, etc. than non-Jewish chicks…I’m saying exactly that…I’m saying the same level of neurosis is touched that is touched off by abuse in non-Jewish chicks is seen when a Jewish chick’s dad missed her stupid 3rd birthday party…HEAVEN HELP THE WORLD AND GET OUT OF THE WAY, when a Jewish girl actually has been abused (God forbid) OMG…then you’re talking world wide destruction and more….NO ONE on the face of the earth can heal that…while as with non-Jewish chick, it’s like, yeah, my father’s an asshole, he used to abuse me. I hate him…(and that’s it!)

    As to OS deprevation…well, at least there I’m with you, dude (though my wife, she’s a good lass!) but that has more to do with how you treat the girl and all that….and in terms of shutting down after marriage…well, I can only go by what people have told me who’ve actually gone ahead and married shiksas – this is what they report. Dan Rather, CBS News. Good night.

    And finally – I thought you were thinking of joining the tribe…what’s up with that? Did Jsirpicco scare you away?

  • Zionist entity?” Is that Hamas-speak or just some wacky Marxist bringing out the bile? Israel, dude. Just like in all those books and scrolls from 2000 years ago. Israel.

  • And (re #28), kindly pass along your residential address, jsirpicco.

  • By the way, my dad was neither an alcoholic nor and abuser. And, to make you feel a tad guiltier– he spent his late teens shooting at folks from the country referenced by jsirpicco in his last post.

    Having said that, a popular Boston bumper sticker: “If It Weren’t For Whisky, the Irish Would Rule the World.”

  • jsirpicco, you’d have me favor you with the story of my life? Well, then….

    Now, not to trump you with superior credentials, but (searing personal revelation alert)– I have, uh, dated both Jewish and non-Jewish babes. By way of doing my bit to insure Jewish continuity, I didn’t marry the Jewish girlfriends. (Or the gentile ones, for that matter.)

    OK, now jsirpicco, the monumental flaw with your screed is this: Jewish women and non-Jewish women are… well… women. And this common trait- the lack of a y chromosome- trumps whatever cultural window-dressing distinguishes them.

    A babe is a babe is a babe.

    I mean, c’mon. You think the shiksas ALONE throttle back on the sex once the marriage deal’s sealed?

    Gentile AND Jewish men alike face near-epidemic rates of oral sex deprivation!

    And the general level of sack artistry, Jewish and non-? The same.

    Now, I don’t know if abusive dads are peculiar to gentiles, but what– you think Jewish chicks aren’t every bit as resourceful at being codependent, commitment-phobic, self-centered drama queens as shiksas? Give me a break!

    Besides– it comes to existential angst, no one does it better than the Jews, G-d love ’em.

    Ah, jsirpicco. Ya think the grass is always greener. On your side, or theirs, doesn’t matter. You jump that fence when nobody’s looking…. And, guess what? You got weeds, they got weeds.

    Finally– I’d love to meet the person of gender (my pc term for chicks) who’ll make that elusive “soul” connection with you.

    Now THAT would be something (or someone) to see…

  • this is a perfect story for your new friends at “der sturmer.” secular jewery will fade with the zionist entity.

  • I’m more worried about Tom’s big goyishe strong friends that can hurt me with their bare, uncircumcized hands, dude!

  • WTF!? David Kelsey is TOTALLY hott!

    Ed. Note: No. David Kelsey is a cunt.

  • Uh, I dunno about that keeping quiet part. At this point, Jsirpicco, you can’t be claiming to be “staying out of trouble.” Seems to me like you’re asking for it. Since Tom has a mother and possibly sisters, you have just indicated there is a high probability that his father or grandfather abused them or got drunk regularly. I’d take offense, but that’s just me.

  • Jsirpicco says WHAT NEEDS TO BE SAID!!! AND YES, I stand by that stat – Tom, buddy, help me out here! Tell the Jewish world what’s up behind closed doors of those goyishe homes with all the Martha Stewart stuff and the scotch on the rocks after a hard day…like, what do goyim say about Jews when no one’s there to hear? Anything? Maybe they don’t even THINK about it till the Jews open up their mouths…maybe they’re just watching NASCAR and Hockey, minding their own business, drinking a BUD, eathing nachos and beef jerkey, having non-exciting sex, and then, all of a sudden, some stupid JEW opens up his mouth…WAAAAH…the non-Jews hurt our FEELINGS….WAAAHHHHH…..and then, that really gets you off your butt to take that REMOTE in your hand and “takeh” check out what they’re saying on CNN after all….and then the blood starts to boil a bit…and then…well, we KNOW the rest of the story, don’t we….does the world GERMANY mean anything to anyone?????? And all because we didn’t just keep quiet for God’s sake, learning Torah, staying out of trouble, minding our own business…..isn’t this TRUE, “TOM?????”

  • Yes, I’m just restating to make it absolutely clear that he’s on his own with those particular claims.

  • Let’s not be knocking shiksehs that want to date jewish men. Muffti needs to find his women somewhere, you know 🙂

  • Wait a second… What does represent “our views here at Jewlicious”. Isn’t the point that even the Posters here have different views? And that the only view represented by any post or comment is that of the particular author posting or commenting?

  • Jsirpicco, so according to you 60% of non-Jewish women have been either abused or raised by alcoholic fathers? 😆

    To the general public who visit Jewlicious: please note that this poster, Jsirpicco, does NOT represent our views here at Jewlicious. He just entertains us.

  • Alexbmn, is “Jewish fascists” a reference to Tom Friedman’s column in the Times of earlier this week?

  • Without generlizations, cheimcals and caffeine, life itself would be impossible! What Jsirpicco says is TRUTH! Go ask Tom if I’m not right about everything I said0—ask him..hey Tom..yes, or no: 3 of your last five non-Jewish girlfriends had fathers who were either alcoholics or abused them. TELL THE TRUTH!!!!

  • Jewish “fascists” like me ,can suppress their desire for shiksas.YEp.

  • Hey, jsirpicco, the offer stands, pal. And remember- denial is not a river in Egypt…

  • meant to say, “thin” Jewish chicks, etc. at the end…voila…another great post for jsirpicco.blogspot.com

  • ONE SECOND HERE>>>>>TM who EVER in the world said Jsirpicco wants to go with Shiksas…NO WAY…I’ve been there, done that…and you know what…here’s the deal…listen up guys, cuz what I’m about to say is the Truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth (though we still need good ole “tom” for the real inside workings of the shiksa mind….)

    Okay – YOU WILL NEVER FEEL THE SOUL CONNECTION YOUR HEART AND SOUL AND BODY CRAVE AND NEED with a shiksa. Trust me on this. Anyone who has been with a shiksa and with a Jew knows EXACTLY what I’m talking about…it’s not that shiksas aren’t good in bed “technically.” Yeah, baby, big deal, they have technical knowledge, but so do Jewish chicks if you treat them right….but when you’re together it’s like there’s no real connection…you can feel that the flesh on flesh just isn’t meshing with the soul on soul…SO THERE! When it’s Jewish to Jewish – then there’s this deeper thing happening (and okay, it’s NOT ALLOWED AND ALL THAT…but this is what it’s like for the secular people out there)….you can tell that there’s this connection…why do YOU THINK ISRAELIS CAN’T KEEP THEIR HANDS OFF EACH OTHER??????

    Also this is what I’ve heard from Jewish guys who marry shiksas: while you’re dating and until they actually get you to marry them…it’s anything goes, and yeah, their up for sex and all that…as soon as you’re married (and the honeymooon wears off) NOTHING. NO. THING. Cold draft running through the house, dude….Whereas with Jewish chicks – if you treat them right, well, basically, they stay the same, so if before your’e getting, then after, too….

    But ya gotta treat them right…and that’s a whole other megillah. Shiksas are easier pleased. Less demanding (yes, Esther, it’s true), but not so deep. Gets boring after a while…and even when they TRY to kvetch, it’s sort of amusing, in it’s own way, cuz, like, what do they have to bother them in the world…and the only ones that come off seeming deep are the ones from trailer parks with drunk fathers and abusive uncles and brothers, but then they got LOW SAT scores most of the time, and so you don’t meet a lot of them, unless you’re slumming….but sometimes you get the smart ones at the IVY league schools, all blue blood and such, who’s fathers ALSO abused them and drank, but there were maids around and servants and stuff like that to make things easier….but there they are, all tragically scarred, kind of, but they still don’t come to the level of a Jewish chick who’s still UPSET all these years later, cuz her father had to work on her 3rd birthday…NOW THAT’S SCARRING FOR YOU!!! She’ll never GET OVER IT, and that’s just tip of the iceburg…

    So overall, I’d say…you know Shiksas – forget it…plus they’ve been with uncircumcized dudes and that’s gross…and they’re basically, you know, dumb. And after a while, they don’t keep themselves up so nicely. Jewish ladies…they’re plumper, yes, but after a while, they sometimes get it together to keep themselves up -ever see those 80 year olds putting on lipstick????? Because ya just never know who’s gonna walk in the room>>>>>

    So that’s the end of the story. NO. Jsirpicco does not want shiksas…not even for fun. Think Jewish chicks, okay….with some self-actualization on the neurotic stuff, cuz after a while it gets boring, you know (like this post, I know…almost done)….but anyway, I’m happily married to great Jewish chick who doesn’t drive me crazy and we’re having a lot of meaningful fun, pooh pooh pooh… anyone can be blonde you know…so what?

  • To all the jsirpiccos of the world who may want to go for it with shiksas, I’m happy to help you folks out with insider advice, tips, do’s and don’t’s, etc.

    Happy hunting!

  • I like that picture of you Esther.

    Your legs aren’t visible, but you wouldn’t have been happening to wear kitten heels that day?

  • My favorite has always been “Jewish as a Second Language,” to teach a goy all the relevant mannerisms of the Jewish people. Or, at least, the East Coast neurotic wealthy segment of the Jewish people.

  • there’s also one called “what to do when you’re dating a jew”. tragically funny.

  • You know this woman wrote a whole how-to book for shiksas who want to nab a Jewish husband? It’s called “Boy Vey” and makes my stomach churn.

  • please tell me this was a joke, I feel sick. Is there really a magazine called Zink? Maybe I’ll take a trip to go visit Josh Itzler in jail, I hear he’s not married yet. If he wants to make money when he gets out, he can try to find Jewish husbands for Jewish women, something not too many people have been successful at lately.

  • Let’s see if I get the sequence here. Ck doesn’t meet TheMiddle for years, and never posts about hot Jewish men. Then ck meets TheMiddle, et voila, a Hot Jewish Men post. Coincidence?

  • yup pretty funny Ck..Though I must agree with this Kristina woman..there is no man more jewlicious than the tall, dark and circumcised. oya!..and sephardic hehe

  • I’ve been told it’s the thrill of the untouchables. (At least in my case, as a shomer negiah guy on a secular college campus.) I’m still not sure if it’s a blessing or a curse, but I did bring in the highest bid for a charity auction on my campus. Poor girl, all she got was a guy who couldn’t touch her, and couldn’t eat the food at the resturant either.