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Peres, Peretz and Paris; How to tell the difference

19 years ago
16 Comments
by Laya Millman
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So confusing
.

The Israeli political scene keeps changing a lot lately and it’s getting harder and harder to follow all the developments. There’s Peretz elected to the Chairmanship of the Labor party after defeating Peres who is now joining Kadima headed by Sharon who used to be head of the Likud party but then quit to form the new party. And on top of all that there’s the never ending shenanigans of Paris Hilton to add to the confusion.

Shimon Pres, Amir Peretz and Paris Hilton. I just keep getting them confused. Israeli politicians, and heiress party girls, all fraught with scandal, all so often in the news. Similar as all three may be I’ve found a few ways that help me keep them straight. So without further ado, here’s a handy guide to help you tell the difference.

Peres – Ashkenazi Jew born in Belorussia
Peretz – Sephardic Jew born in Morocco
Paris – SO not a Jew

Peres – Got burned by Peretz
Peretz – Politician most likely to burn his matbucha
Paris – Last man to sleep with her complains of burning sensation when he pees

Peres – 9th grade drop out, then to Harvard and NYU
Peretz – Graduated from Sderot High
Paris – Dropped out of Dwight School in NYC, then got GED

Peres – Nobel Peace Prize winner
Peretz – Early Peace Now member
Paris – Skanky piece of ass

Peres – Suported disengagement
Pertz – Supported disengagement
Paris – Disengaged from former fiancee, Man-Paris

Peres – Related to actress Lauren Bacall
Peretz – Related to mustachioed vegetable dude at the shuk
Paris – Related to Elizabeth Taylor and Zsa Zsa Gabor

Peres – Former Prime Minister of Israel
Peretz – Former Mayor of Sderot
Paris – Former BFF of Nicole Ritchie

Peres – Former head of Labor party
Peretz – Current head of labor party
Paris – Gave head on video after a party

Laya Millman
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16 Comments

  • Why did you choose to forget that Peretz was head of the Histadrut.
    That maybe tell something about you…

  • Lawrence, somewhere down below or in the last batch of archives, I point out that it’s Stalinesque. I don’t think it’s anything to freak out about — unless he gets control of the state apparatus of Russia.

  • Am I the only one creeped out at the fact that Peretz’s moustache is modeled after Josef Stalin’s?

  • Funny. I had no idea that Paris Hilton was related to the Gabors, or Elizabeth Taylor. That would mean, however, shiksa though she be…(“SO not a Jew”) that she has some Jewish yikhus somewhere, as the Gabor sisters came from a Jewish family in Hungary, albeit one that became converted to Xtianity. Then there is Elizabeth Taylor’s “conversion” to Judaism, which wouldl not hold up to Orthodox scrutiny. So…not that we should be eager to claim her as one of our own, but it would seem there are some Jewish family connections. Oh well.

  • Thanks so much for this informative post. I now understand why when Googling Israeli politics, I get a page full of porn.
    I must however take exception to your categorization of Ms. Paris as a “Skanky piece of ass”. Her ass is not the least bit skanky. I can’t comment on the rest of her though.

  • where do the persians fit into all this? a parsimonious defeat to be sure.

  • Never trust a man with a mustache like that. The mustache harbors evil plus he is a labor party member…

  • hahaha

    thanks for clearing that up. i was getting ms. paris and mr. peretz confused a bunch. at least i knew who peres was, though!