The Jewish Media Conspiracy: Beer and Challah Edition

Andrew Krucoff, of the Jewliciously Bar-Mitzva-ed Andrew Krucoffs, is having hipster Shabbat parties at his apartment with reckless abandon. Because it physically hurts me to recount the whole piece for you, I would like to play a game I call “Hipster Bingo” in evaluating the level of pain various mentions in this article bring me, where + means extra pain (hipster irony!)

Whole Foods: +3
Tribeca: +2
sushi: -1 (overrated.  Everyone is on the Paleo diet now.)
working on my movie script: -5 (should be blogging on Tumblr instead.)
Flavorpill: +2
Young Manhattanite Shabbat party:+5 (who has Shabbat dinners anymore?  Dinners are for losers.  Parties are where it’s at.)
Beer and challah: +6 (What an original way to mix it up! It’s not Manischewitz. Although I would give extra points if they were drinking Manischewitz ironically)
Four Loko: +10
militia etheridge: -4
the guy who works for Gawker read a summary of this week’s Torah portion (in Judaism, every week gets its own section of the story in the holy book) off his iPhone: +5? -5? I can’t tell.
5 people had already touched my piece of challah with unwashed hands:+10 (fear of germs established from birth transcends scenesterism)

This is what we as a people have come to (in New York.) Reading the parsha on our iPhones and writing about parties on our Blackberries in all lowercase.

Please state your case for the future of American Jewry in the comments.

(oh yes, and I’m back.)