Poor Suha Arafat. She was already beside herself from having to live apart from the unshaven foul-breathed one for three years, suffering the terrible ardor of life in Paris on a measly stipend of US$100,000 per month. Ahh, the pain she must have felt visiting fancy shops, fashion shows and spas all by her lonesome. Woe to Suha as she grew her double chin and acquired the girth appropriate to a French-food lovin’ woman seeking to overcome her unassuaged feelings of loneliness, and, let’s be honest here, LUST.

Yes, poor Suha screamed to the entire world through the omnipresent Al Jazeera that she was being mistreated by the Palestinian leadership who wanted to do away with her husband – although they had been sitting with him in the muqata for the past couple of years.

Then, apparently in agreement to keep her mouth shut, she worked out some deal for a PA pension (rumored at $13 million dollars) and may actually be the very first recipient of a PA pension in the history of the universe, since all the old men are fighters to the death. At that point, once the millions were apparently secured, she seemed to have backed off, relaxed, and found her quiet Armani voice again.


Some things began to happen. First, the Arab world and media, seeking to prove Israel poisoned the snake, began clamoring for Arafat’s medical records. The French refused to release them to anybody other than family members.

This complex situation was resolved by the clever and enterprising Nasser Al-Kidwa who is Arafat’s cousin (hence, a family member) and the Palestinian representative in the UN, where he has single-handedly given the Palestinians some of their greatest victories in that dank and decrepit institution. Nasser offered to come and pick up the “historical documents” himself, at which point it would be his right to hand them over to the PA which would then be able to release them or not while making up evil stories about the Israelis poisoning the lout (some analysts think the PA actually wants to prevent information about his death from getting out because both a poisoning and an AIDS death will harm the PA).

However, on the same day, some unthinking moron at the PA also instructed Suha to stop gallivanting around the Arab world in the jet the PA gave her and to return it. Apparently, the PA jet wasn’t part of the pension.

Now Suha ain’t no fool. She figures that if they don’t want to let her have some fun and enjoy the fruits of the labor of her scummy husband, and fly to Tunis for lunch just before returning to the Champs Elysees for some difficult designer fashion shopping, then she will ensure that they will not have their way with her or her husband’s records. Thus, just before Nasser came to pick up the records on behalf of the PA and the Palestinian people, Suha gingerly went over and grabbed them for herself.

It is now publicly announced by her lawyer that she is contemplating whether to release these records to the world and that as the wife of the now-deceased walking anus, she is the true heir of the records – now a Palestinian national treasure.

Hmmmm….sounds like somebody figures there’s a big payoff just around the corner. Now we just have to guess whether the source will be the PA, a very wealthy individual or some enterprising publication.

Come on Suha, sell it to a publication so we can all hear what happened to the Old Fart!

Update: Nasser has landed in France and so far French officials are indicating he is a close neough family member to receive the medical records. We’ll see if Suha’s lawyer sues to stop them.

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