I’ve been outed.

So I’ve been very busy and have forgotten for a number of nights to, ahem, place a little something under the pillow in exchange for a young one’s fallen tooth. When young one expressed disappointment, bad Dad made a joke of it telling young one that perhaps the Tooth Fairy was on vacation in Hawaii. Young one didn’t buy the lame excuse, but kept believing that some Tooth Fairy largess was imminent. Finally, one evening, I remembered my task and dutifully went to place a dollar while removing the tooth. By the way, the first two teeth, being front teeth, each earned $5 dollars, and I decided that I was not going to shell out $5 per tooth any more.

Okay, so today another member of the family told me that the young one had told her that she shouldn’t tell me, but that he knows there was no Tooth Fairy, but that it was Daddy (that would be me, Bad Dad) who had come into the room, lifted the pillow and replaced the tooth with money. It seems what I thought was a very light movement of the pillow registered as an earthquake and woke him up.

Is it time to also tell him there’s no Santa Clause?

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themiddle

19 Comments

  • One of my favorite cartoons of all time was a “Mother Goose and Grimm” dealing with just this issue. In the cartoon, a mother stood at the bottom of the stairs, greeting her young son as he came down. She said: “Son, I think that its about time that you knew: The tooth fairy is really your father.” Next to her shoulder, a somewhat frumpy father hovered, with a pointy hat, magic wand, and delicate little fairy wings. Simple joke, but cute nonetheless.

  • Not to worry, Wine Guy, the little one just the other week was curious and opened a cooking magazine to which we subscribe. There was a pork recipe in there and he immediately went “Eeeewww, yuck, Daddy we don’t eat this!” and flipped the page to the next recipe. So not to worry, no Christmas trees in our house. Although I admit to having unkosher wine.

  • One idea: Let him know that you only give out $5, then put a $50 under his pillow. Shrug, confusedly when he asks who put the extra cash. It worked with me.

  • I used to really mess with my kids’ heads over this tooth fairy thing. During the Beanie Baby craze, I left “coupons” from the tooth fairy, printed out on the computer- very official looking- under their pillows. The coupon was valid for a Beanie Baby. Then I’d call a store, explain in advance what I was going to do, and pre-pay by credit card.

    We’d drive up, my daughter would go in, show the coupon, and the saleslady would point her toward the heap of toys that could be exchanged for the coupon. Afterwards, she’d “ring up” the sale, take the coupon, and say good-bye. My kids were always amazed, especially since we did this at several different stores. They’re older now and they still haven’t figured this out… I know, I’m a genius.

  • Jessica, I’m sorry to quibble, but when it comes to Saturday Night Live sketches, I do claim a certain expertise. Maybe YOU have a Hanukkah Charlie. Or a Cha-nukah Charlie. But thanks to Jon Lovitz on SNL, the rest of the world has Hanukkah Harry.

  • esther- i wasnt referring to any SNL sketches. i was brought up with hannukah charlie, a character my father made up so (as a young reform girl) i wouldn’t feel left out of the santa mayhem. now as a young orthodox woman, it doesn’t really matter.

  • if you are sentimental and parenting oriented you will just love to get your children a TOOTHFAIRY BANK to save, organize and showcase each fallen baby tooth in.
    this bank helps create toothless moment memories that you and your child can recall later on.
    you will just love to see your childs face light up when they lose a baby tooth and can save it in there very own keepsake bank.
    the average payout for a baby tooth according to my information is 1.10 and it is wise to give more money for a cleaner whiter baby tooth. this way your child is incentivized to brush more.

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