Isralicious

“Iran Might Attack Us? Yiyeh B’sedeeeeer!”

13 years ago
8 Comments
by Benji
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According to everyone who knows anything, Israel either will or won’t attack Iran in 2012 (are there more options I’m overlooking?)  It has the potential to be the key international event this year and even though people aren’t necessarily talking about it around the Shabbat table, everyone knows it’s ON the table.  This issue has been increasingly in the news as of late and it’s probably only going to increase.  Do you know the basics?

Check out the satiric “The Idiot’s Guide to Bombing Iran” featured in Israel’s and the Jewish world’s newest news source, the Times of Israel which just launched this week.

An excerpt:

Since the early 2000s, Israel has been trying to direct the world’s attention away from Facebook and towards the looming threat of Iran. With China and Russia slow to agree to economic sanctions, the most notable responses to Iran’s nuclear ambitions have been covert operations, believed to have been carried out by Israel. In 2010, the computer worm Stuxnet knocked out roughly 20% of Iranian centrifuges, delaying their enrichment activities. The Iranian gay community was eliminated as a possible suspect when Ahmadinejad remembered that his country had none. The Iranians refused to give the Israelis credit for penetrating their security system, instead acknowledging that their network would have been secure had they simply upgraded from Windows 95.

You can read the full article here.  Just remember:  here in Israel, whatever happens, it will be ok (yiyeh b’seder).  If I have to go to a bomb shelter however, I’m going to CK’s.  Why do I know that guy will turn it into a party?

Benji
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About the author

Benji

Since making aliyah in 2006, Benji Lovitt has spent roughly every waking moment doing one of the following: trying to make people laugh, eating chumus, or writing about chumus to make people laugh. In addition to working with tons of Jewy organizations to promote Israel, Benji has performed stand-up comedy about Israel for groups including Hillels, Birthright Israel, Jewish Federations, and of course, at Jewlicious Festival. His perspectives on aliyah and life in Israel have been featured on Israeli television and radio and in publications such as the Jerusalem Post, Haaretz, and the Jewish Daily Forward. It is said that every time he calls CK "Mr. Jewlicious", a tree is planted in the Jewish National Fund forest. For a hilarious comedy show, contact him at [email protected].

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8 Comments

  • themiddle…
    provoking and arguing is in your nature isnt it?
    just had to say your last word didn’t you.

    no im not writing from england! english is not even my 2nd language.
    is england another country you hate and want to fight with? why?
    well of course.. (it doesn’t really matter does it?)
    for you everyone is an enemy and anti-semite.

    this conversation is just an example how you really are with other people.
    dont try to blame everyone around for the picture you make for yourselves.

    the only thing that matters to you is only YOU, YOU and what YOU think is right.
    its always the same story. it seems like a silly loop threw years;
    -use everyone around without being grateful or ever say thank you.
    -make problems, cause conflicts and never know when to stop
    -pull others into the fight
    -cry for help (oh we are so badly treated by everyone since “the beginning”) “please help us now”.

    you are not better than others..or whatever they teach you down there!
    you are the same as any other people! the most important thing.. other people live on this planet too and it does not belong to you!
    if you don’t know how to live in peace and if it is so hard..
    go to the moon maybe.

    after last few weeks and jewish people i spoke with about your conflicts..
    i can say only sad things;
    jews never tolerate anyone else beside themselves,
    they don’t know how to live in peace and dont even seem like they would like to.

    • Well, you’re right. Only one site identified your country as England, but now that you’ve challenged it I’ve looked again and a number of other sites identify your location as Rumia or Gdynia, Poland. 89.69.243.125. Ignorant antisemite.

  • re: themiddle

    luckly.. “bansheeland” since ww2 was not involved in your wars, fights etc.
    as far as im aware.. millions died trying to “save jews” back then.
    sometimes, i wonder… have you ever appreciated all that?
    “sometimes” it doesent seem like you appreciate life or living at all.

    after speaking to quite a few jewish people recently,
    ive realised that the whole problem might be hidden inside you.
    maybe after a honest look at yourselves and thinking for a while would help.
    ex: what am i doing wrong? what should i do not to have this problem.

    re: themiddle
    why you are trying to convince me to speak with my leaders?
    they are not the ones causing trouble!
    why should anyone else get involved anyway?!

    screaming for war, pulling others into it, and the worst one;
    trying to convince others and get an approval for war. is very wrong!
    there is no excuse or explanation for this kind of being.

    maybe you should speak to your own leaders first.
    find the problem. once and for all. say no! stop it!
    sort it out down there!
    without pulling everyone into it.
    without killing.

    the real question is…
    can you live and exist in peace at all?
    if yes… for how long?

    anyway..
    im not going to get into argue with jewish here or anywhere else no more.
    *im not like you.
    *i know when to stop.

    im sorry and apologise if i have been rude to anyone anyhow.

    • Yes Banshee, you are a good person who loves peace. I’m sure of it. It just so happens that you are a peace lover who is ignorant, who hates Jews and who conveniently ignores those who threaten the lives of Jews, but I guess that’s what passes for normal in Bansheeland. But no worries, you have not been rude at all. Among antisemitic commenters we’ve had on our site, you have been among the most polite.

      Oh wait! I’ve just looked up your IP location. You are writing from England? No wonder you’re so polite! Have you noticed the destruction your country left behind in the Middle East? One state after another, of those states your people created with the stroke of a pen some decades ago, have witnessed decades of authoritarianism, civil strife managed brutally by repressive governments and failed societies that continue to suffer from low incomes, poor health and impoverished educational systems. In fact, the only thing these colonial offshoots of your country’s do well is attack Israel diplomatically. Quite a legacy for Bansheeland. Let us know if you wish to continue discussing “millions dying trying to save Jews.” Remember the Struma.

  • Banshee, saying “you are responsible for deaths of millions already! because the way all jews are” is antisemitism. Just replace the word “Jews” with some ethnic or racial group and you’ll understand immediately. It’s as if I said, hey, all the men from Bansheeland are stupider than baboons.

    As for my numbers, I was just proving you completely wrong in your assertions. You blamed millions of deaths on Jews, and I showed you that the reality is millions of Muslim deaths by the hands of other Muslims. At most you can show tens of thousands of Arab deaths by Jewish Israelis, just as tens of thousands of Jewish Israelis have been killed by Arabs.

    Don’t you agree that we need truth in order to resolve wars? I gave you some truth. Now, because of these facts, you will surely hate Jews less and you will never accuse them of being stupid or brainwashed or being responsible for the deaths of millions ever again.

    As far as what I believe, it is that not one more Arab or Jew should die in the Israel-Arab conflict. There should be peace tomorrow!

    So if you also want peace, as I do, your first step should be to stop accusing Jews FALSELY of crimes they haven’t committed. Then, you should make every effort to speak to the leaders of Bansheeland to tell them that they need to make peace with Israel, not war. The Arab leaders of virtually all Arab countries, and even those of some Muslim countries, speak of Israel in very hostile terms. Think how quickly we could have peace if they would stop.

  • hey, thanks for your answer.

    why there is always this “thing” about jewish people…
    calling everyone antisemite?
    why? because some said something you didnt like?
    instead of giving a thought about it,
    its always best for jews to call everyone a fool and anti-semite.
    im sorry… i dont understand this.
    for me this is selfish ignorance etc.

    ive noticed the same situation few times elsewhere.
    when saying something to someone with a different skin colour.
    example:
    -excuse me, why are you jumping in this pace. there is a queue here.
    answer:
    -what? you ignorant racist! f… off. (i can do everything)

    the thing is… you know someone is doing something wrong here!

    in your opinion people should allow everything and never say a word to you?

    and another thing i would like to ask you:
    i can see you gave so many figures here. (deaths years etc)

    what you are trying to say is…?!
    yea, lets do it. lets make a war! lets kill everyone! we have right to do so.
    even if its going to be a global war. who cares! we can do everything.

    i dont think so!!!

    maybe some people should use brains instead of fighting hey?

    it seems like a kindergarten kid fight… but its not funny at all!

    yea, we are going to make a war now.
    we have right to make a war!
    do you want to play with us?

    there are no words to describe this!

  • Hey Banshee, being an ignorant fool is not an excuse for antisemitic comments about Jews. Okay?

    Here is a list of all the dead in wars since 1950. You will notice that that Israeli-Arab conflict is in 49th place with 51,000 dead in 62 years. That includes about 23,000 Jews. On the other hand, if you go down the list to 61st place, you will find the Jordanian killing of Palestinians in Black September. 25,000 Palestinians were killed in a couple of weeks by the Jordanian government – half the total of the entire 60 years of Arab-Israeli conflict in two weeks! Almost as many Arabs killed by other Arabs in two weeks as Israel has killed in 60 years. Okay? Arab killing Arab. Muslim killing Muslim.

    In fact, 11 million Muslims have been killed violently since 1948 (Heinsohn and Pipes), and of those, only 35,000 have been killed in the Arab-Israeli conflict. That is a tiny fraction because apparently most Muslims who are murdered violently in the world are killed by other Muslims, not Jews. For example, in Syria right now, supported by Iran (of course), over 7000 Syrian civilians have been murdered by their own government.

    And worst of all, Banshee2222, you know what else? It’s not Israel pulling other countries into war. It’s other countries pulling Israel into wars. Here is the leader of Iran, Ali Khameini, calling Israel a cancer which must be eradicated, and acknowledging that Hamas and Hizbullah were fighting for Iran in their 2006 and 2009 wars with Israel, both of which were started by those groups.

  • who and what gives you the right to attack any country?! you are responsible for deaths of millions already! because the way all jews are! is this stupidity or brainwash? where is humanity? why???.. keep killing and fighting all the time and every day? is is not enough? why are you getting into wars threw all decades and centuries! threat of iran? threat of everyone? this is sick! why do you always provoke wars? why pull other countries into wars with you? who and what gives you the right to do so???